Need to Vent - Sorry

Hi Everyone,

I haven't written in a very long time though I do go on this site many times throughout the day.  I am 5-1/2 years out after VSG starting weight was 267 lost 117lbs lowest weight was 145 lbs.  In the last 2 years I have gained 40 lbs and am so scared that this weight keeps going up and up.  I know it's all my own fault, eating the wrong things a lot of carbs, sweets I have no one to blame but myself.  I know how to work around my sleeve, which has caused all of my problems.  Meaning if I want to eat something that I know is not good and know that it can cause my sleeve not to be happy I just take my time in eating whatever it is even if it takes 45 mins or longer. 

I know what I have to do - I just can't keep my mind in the right direction and it's killing me that I am gaining all this weight.  I have had some sugeries since my VSG was done, had breast cancer, two foots surgeries, kidney surgery and my gallbladder out and I am not making excuses for all of these surgeries cause none of them have caused me to eat the wrong foods. 

Sorry for venting, I just feel so hopeless and depressed about where I was and where I am now.  My nephew is getting married in June in St. Thomas and I don' want to be this fat blob at the wedding.  UGH!!!!! 

So once again I started the day off in the right direction and hoping that I keep that way. 

Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

Toni

Glad you've recognized what you're doing and working towards correcting that behavior.  Good luck and you have 7 months to get those 40 lbs off.  You can do it, you've done it before!

All I can add is my encouragement and support. You can do this. You already know what you need to do so no point in going on about that. I know it isn't easy to overcome the habits you've picked back up but you did it before and I have confidence you can do it again. Recommit and good luck.

"one day at a time - one meal at a time. "

This is my motto. That does not excuse me to eat bad things... but one bad "meal"  is not an excuse to eat badly for the rest of the day. 

I no longer tell myself "I'll start tomorrow" , or "Monday, for sure on Monday". 

I identified foods I call "unlimited". Foods that I give myself permission to eat if I get hungry, even if my daily caloric allowance is gone...

I identified foods that are my comfort foods but they are still less damaging to me than milk chocolate, M&M or butterfingers... 

I chose "keto - Paleo " type diet - so fats and proteins are Okm - carbs - not so much. Even so called "healthy carbs" like fruits - caused me to crave more foods.. 

for me - my comfortfoods are: 

• chicken, beef and pork - any type - with no sugar or carbs added.. (i.e. honey cured ham is not good for me..)
• nuts - mostly low carbs nuts like walnuts, pecans, macadamia...
• NSA pickles... 
• some veggies - like cucumbers, zucchini, lettuce, spinach, .. - non starchy veggies . 
• olives
• avocado
• pork rinds..
• NSA almond butter

my "comfort foods"  - more sinful.. are: 

• NSA peanut butter (only organic - so when I eat that - I know it's  a treat)
• SF preserves (yea - the splenda type)
• 85% or 90% chocolate
• fruits - berries only - and only in combination with fat- or nuts - only once a week...
• wine - on weekends.. 

When starting low carbs - I make sure I don't feel hungry... so for the first week or so _) I eat as much as I want - but I make sure I really limit  carbs, and artificail sweeteners .( the last make me hungry)

week into the "diet" - I naturally get less hungry and my cravings are mostly gone... and if I think I am hungry- I look at the chicken and pickles - and if I don't want that - then I know I am not really hungry...but that my fat cells are mad at me - and they are trying to make me eat thing to feed the fat - not me... 

I learned to identify hunger vs cravings... 

once a week - or during crisis - I may eat 1/2 jar of PB or bake my own almond -coconut cookies and eat them...  

Thank you for this response. This was really helpful and encouraging to me.