Iteach-preK
Two weeks from today I will be out of surgery at this time
Mar 16, 2009
Hi everyone! Or is that Hi One??Well, anyway. To anyone that might be reading the utterances of a cluttered mind welcome.
I have my surgery two weeks from today. In some ways it seems that the date took forever in arriving and at other times it seems as if it came quickly.
I believe it was Vicki on the KY board who steadied my keel when I got a bit frustrated with the pulmonary hoops I had to jump through. She reminded me, and rightfully so; that the more tests and proceedures ahead of time the better off I would be come the date of surgery. She was correct and it was indeed my frustration of having to wait. I will always remember that advice as I move forward.
I am glad to be moving foward and I am a bit nervous too. I have what I percieve as similar anxieties to others as the big day approaches. I am worried about the physical surgery, about not loosing weight, choosing a reachable goal, staying motivated, eating the correct foods at a correct pace...... I think that if I was not worried about the surgery and all of my "what if's" I would be either dead or irresponsible.
Only a small part of me worries about the possiblity of not making it through the surgery. I really do not think that is a huge possiblity. I believe that Dr. Shina's preop requirements really do cut down the probablities of many of the complications. I also beleive that I cannot control everything and because of that I needed to find a surgeon I trust. I do trust Dr. Shina and know that he will do what he can for me.
My biggest fear in worring about not coming out of this is leaving that beautiful young man I call son. He is the apple of my eye. I love him as much as any parent has ever loved a child. I know my husband would grieve badly- as I know he loves me- but I also know he is a grown up and can find the means to take care of himself. I never, never, never want him to feel that I abandoned him. IF something were to happen I want him to know that I did this to be more able to keep up with him & to be a better example to him of how to live and eat. BUT more than that I need for him to know that I love him more.... That is a "thing" between he and I.
Wo-I guess I DO need to write those just in case letters. I did not realize the need in my heart until I wrote about my son.
I have thought alot about what I might look like when I loose weight. I know in my heart that I am almost as big as I have ever been. But, what will I look like in a pair of jeans? I want to look like an average human being. I do not expect to be a super model, but I DO want to look good. I remember once when I lost a good portion of weight before I walked by a window at a stip mall going into a video store and quite literally did not recognize myself. I am hoping having had this experience already I will be more able to wrap my head around a new physical me. I am not sure though.
Jenny; who I work; with has been such and inspiration and a voice of experience thru this process since she joined our staff last summer. I am moving forward and she is excited for me. How neet is that? I found out that a former co-worker had it done too. She has lost 112 pounds and is doing well. She had gained quite a bit of weight and it was really hard for her. She had something happen hormonally and it flicked a switch and she could not keep the weight off. She is now a size 10 and probably not done loosing. Tanya the first person I know to have had the surgery has done very well. She is keeping all her weight off. I believe she bounced up 5 pounds but not too much and nothing out of the ordinary. I hope I can be like those ladies in my life and make a substantial change for the postive.
I need to re-read my surgeon's paperwork and get all the directions for the upcoming set of tests on the 19th. I know I need to eat low carbs and high protien, so I am trying hard to forgo sweets and breads and eat my protien first.... the last 3 days before surgery I will be on a liquid diet. I know that the laxitive will be awful, but such is life.
Two weeks from today I will be awake in a recovery room or my hosptial room. I will be on the loosers bench as they say. I will be on the road to a new me.
If I think of any other random ramblings I will post again. Otherwise see you all when I am on the loosers bench!!
teach
