Question:
For all those Single and Post-op, Questions about dating again?
I have been thinking about what it might be like to date again after surgery. It's been several years since I have been on a date and I was wondering when you started getting more male attention, how you handled it, and how you dealt with eating issues in front of dates without explaining it all? Did they think you were weird for eating a cup of soup only etc? I'm excited and nervous to think about all this relationship stuff again. Waiting for insurance approval right now! tick tock tick tock Thanks! — psychdoc B. (posted on February 11, 2002)
February 10, 2002
I have just started dating again and I can tell you that it is very
interesting to say the least. It has only been in the last couple of
months that I really started getting a lot of male attention and it has not
been easy to deal with. In one way, you are flattered. In another way,
you realize that the guy who is trying so hard to impress you probably
would not have given you the time of day before surgery. I do not hold
this against anyone. Physical attraction is human and is necessary for any
relationship to last. I still battle low self-esteem, but it is getting
better little by little. Several weeks back I went on a date with a really
handsome guy and all I could think was "what is wrong with this guy
that he is intersted in ME?" As far as the eating issues on a first
date, do not worry about it. Most women eat like birds on first dates
anyway so guys are used to it. If you do not make an issue of it, he won't
either. Besides, you can always say something like, "the conversation
was so interesting that I didn't realize that I ate so little". There
is no need to spill your guts about the surgery until YOU are ready and are
sure that the guy can handle it too. Me? I'm a bit different. I am
really open about my surgery with guys that I go out with. I use it almost
as a test. So far, not one guy has made an issue about it. Good luck on
getting your surgery approval and hey, don't stress over the dating....you
are going to have a blast!
— Lori B.
February 10, 2002
I have lost 104 pounds and am now starting to get attention from men who
didn't notice me (in that way) before. Also from complete strangers. I
think it is GREAT!!!!!!!! I love it love it love it. But I haven't really
dated in like 4 years and never dated more than one guy at a time. It is
very interesting. I am a little more discriminating now. If I sense the
guy has "baggage", then he gets put in the friend category (for
instance I went out to dinner with a "dangerously attractive" man
who during the course of our conversation revealed he had 3 children by 2
women and turned out he had some serious co-dependency issues). I can't
fault the guys that knew me before surgery that notice me now. I didn't
like myself at 324 pounds so I can hardly expect anyone else to. Regarding
eating...I'm 7 months out so I usually can eat a little of an appetizer,
and a 3rd of whatever I order. If I don't have an appetite, I'll usually
order from the appetizer menu and leave it at that. I don't fully
advertise to guys that I've had surgery, although I would if the issue got
brought up. I couldn't imagine getting male attention even when I was
contemplating surgery. It is very interesting now to know that when I go
to a club, I will get asked to dance (something that didn't happen that
often before). It think if you make the decision that you are going to
enjoy the attention (within reason), you will really have no problem
adapting. Good luck and God Bless!
— Kimberly L.
February 11, 2002
I found your question (and the answers) interesting, because I am in the
process of getting a divorce after almost 8 years of marriage -- and once
we're separated, I plan on dating. I never dated as a thin person, and
hope it's not too stressful. I had my surgery a year and a half ago and
have been at goal for 6 months. No one knows about my surgery, so I eat
with a lot of people who don't have a clue. When you eat salad, it turns
to water when you chew it -- so you can eat enough so it doesn't look like
you're not eating. Otherwise, I eat slow and about 1/3 of the meal, and I
try to order the smallest thing I can -- and always have left-overs -- but
although people say I don't eat very much, no one has ever forced the
issue.
— Audrey M.
February 12, 2002
I am currently separated from my husband (the divorce will be final in two
months) and I am dating a sweet man that I've known for a year, who is
recently divorced himself. I am down 107 lbs at almost five months post-op,
and I guess my situation is a little different, because my beau knew me
when I was fat, and liked me then, but since we were both married we didn't
even talk about it (we just made eyes at each other LOL). Now that I am so
much skinnier, he confided that I am "even hotter"! You
can't pay too much bigger a compliment than that, because I thought I
looked like #%@($t at 310 lbs! <p>I was having really serious worries
about that first time we get naked, but now that we've done some kissing
and I've discovered he's got a little tiny pudge himself, I feel more
relaxed about it. LOL He's a grown-up, he can handle it, and if he can't,
very simply, he's not for me. I *will* look much better after my tummy tuck
this summer and we can *both* look forward to that.<p>Eating out with
him IS weird, because he's got a high metabolism and is a good eater, and
he was shocked at how little I eat. But he's curious in a kind way and
doesn't embarrass me about it. I do think it's normal to eat very little on
a first date, from nerves or whatever... and it's hard to eat and have a
great conversation if you are really chowing down, so it's to your
advantage. I love to talk, so it's great that I don't have much food to
slow me down. LOL<p>Good luck dating! Enjoy it! Guys who are too
shallow to accept the surgery are probably not worth the time anyway.
— [Anonymous]
February 19, 2002
Enjoy it gal!! If one guy doesn't work out...who cares?? You know
why? Because you are thin and gorgeous and there's another guy right
around the corner! Think of how much fun it will be now to go to
family reunions and especially school reunions and even better...run
into old boyfriends! Don't worry about it...just enjoy it! Good luck!
— Nicole0105
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