Question:
Does anyone not know how to react to the new attention after WLS?
I had open RNY on 7/15/2003 - started at 266lbs and I am 5'5. I have lost 48.5 lbs so far. It is very exciting to watch myself "melt away". Sometimes I enjoy the attention and other times I get embarrassed. I am not sure why but I can feel my face get beet red when people say how great I look. I have never been a shy person so I am not sure why I am having this reaction sometimes. Anyone else feel this way?? — laurab (posted on September 25, 2003)
September 25, 2003
My guess is that all of us used to have some difficulty fielding the
compliments. Still fun when you run into someone who hasn't seen you since
the operation. Eventually the novelty wears off and you just move on.
— Chuck O.
September 25, 2003
Speaking for myself, after years of being 'invisible' and ignored for 20
years, it was difficult to figure out how to respond. Just a 'Thank you'
and a smile is really all that is needed. I'll be 2 yrs out next month and
I still get people saying how they can't believe the change and how they
don't recognize me anymore. The haircolor change also throws them off. Now,
I just like to keep them guessing and I just laugh. Chuck is right though,
the novelty does wear off after awhile and sometimes you get sick of
answering the question, "How did you do it?" Dont worry, you'll
get used to it.
— Kris T.
September 25, 2003
I just smile ad say "thsnk you, I feel great. " It is hard at
times when some compliments are so back handed, Hey you look great , I
always knew there was a pretty girl under all that. wow. It has taught me a
lot about how to give a compliment. I also have observed some pretty
intense jealousy from people who are overweight who have not had or been
eligible for surgery. I am really working at making sure to compliment
others around me , whether it be a new hairstyle, out fit, what ever. I
find tht it helps defuse the 'embarrassment" and I felt funny going to
work and having people gushing over my loss in front of other overweight
friends. so I make a special effort to compliment others as often ans
sincerely as possible.
— **willow**
September 25, 2003
Hi! I am 6 months post op and down 110 lbs. and am soooooo glad you posted
this. You are not alone. When I was a pre-op- I used to imagine all the
time how wonderful it would feel to be recognized for something other than
my weight- now that I've lost 110 lbs. I'm still being noticed for my
weight lol! Are we ever happy lol? I do at times enjoy the attention and
actually feel confide/nt and "pretty", however I feel totally
uncomfortable, the majority of the time. I know I look much better than I
did before and boy do I feel better, but I'm the same person with the same
feelings. It's hard to break the habit of "hiding" from other
people. I used to feel partly invisible to my surroundings, I'd pass
through my daughters school, the grocery store, and other places with this
"wall" around me. Now that the wall has been removed I feel so
"naked" out in public. I can't go to my usual places without
being noticed. I understand that most of these people that want to talk to
me are being supportive and they believe that thier compliments are having
a positive effect on me, however, it really causes me embarrassment.
Ultimately, I am a people person and truly love to talk about a number of
subjects- lately the only topic of conversation with everyone is my weight
loss. I hate to be so negative about this, yet I can't wait until the
novelty wears off. My sister-in-law calls me "skinny" in front
of other people and hey I still have 70 lbs to go- I'm far from skinny, and
I feel almost like I'm being "teased" in a way by her. I'm
experiencing jealousy from my best friend and find it rude when people that
didn't used to speak to me- all of a sudden want to talk to me - or stare
at me with thier mouths gaping. I think the ultimate social discomfort I
am dealing with is when men pay attention to me. I am married to a
wonderful husband and have no interest in other men. I don't know how to
handle thier comments or stares other than to ignore them- like I did 110
lbs ago. Even though the circumstances are different, I handle it the same
way- as if it weren't happening at all. I wish I had some sound advice to
give you about dealing with these "weird" feelings but obviously
I am struggling with it. I'll keep checking back here to see other posters
comments and advice- in the mean time- if you ever wanna chat- feel free to
send me an e-mail.
— lyndaleigh
September 25, 2003
I think we were all beautiful to begin with, I just can't believe this is
what we had to go through to make other people see it! Although I do feel a
whole lot better about myself, looks and health wise. My weight changed,
not ME! Some people seem to forget that. I do love the new attention though
:o) Good luck!
— Sandy M.
September 25, 2003
In the beginning it was uncomfortable to receive compliments since you are
not used to it. Almost a feeling of not deserving them. But secretly, I
would love it when people noticed the weight loss! Now at 19 mo post-op, I
just smile and say thank you. You'll get used to it.
— Cindy R.
September 27, 2003
Hi....Yep, it took a while to accept those compliments gracefully! When
someone told me I looked great, after a 50lb loss, I responded by telling
them, "Thanks, I FEEL great!" then after a 100 lb loss I'd
respond with "If I looked as good as I felt, I'd be on the cover of
Vogue." Now,after a 160 lb loss, I say "Thanks. You look great
too!"
— Debby M.
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