Question:
When did you Begin to Notice Changes in your Relationships with Friends and Family?
I am nearly 7 months post-op and down 110 lbs. At what point post-op did you notice a jealousy or change from friends, family, or coworkers? Was it slight or overt? My psychiatrist warned me this may happen, but I felt my network of support was stronger - apparently not. Female friends are now excluding me from our regular outings and plans; family members made snide comments at Thanksgiving; coworkers have changed toward me. I realize that I have changed, but it has been positive in my opinion. I've always been assertive, so it's not that I've suddenly turned into a b*tch who won't take crap from anyone. I've tried to address my feelings, but they've been dismissed. I'd love to hear from others regarding this issue. Do you just chalk it up to experience and move on and meet new people? Thanks. — [Deactivated Member] (posted on November 25, 2000)
November 25, 2000
Hi Denise, this is your friend Sharon! Listen, if any of these people were
your friends in the first place, they would at least hear you out and
address your concerns rather than just dismissing them. You should be
proud of who you are and what you have accomplished! It may be difficult
to ignore snide remarks or being slighted but if any of these people value
what true friendships are all about they will come around...if not, then
there are those of us that will welcome you with open arms! Hang in there
kid...you're doing great! Your friend, Sharon.
— Sharon R.
November 25, 2000
Hi Denise ~ Way to go on the weight loss! As for your friends treating you
differently, are they on the chubby side? Could it be that with you getting
thinner and more attractive they feel threatened? Sounds like it to me. I
am pre-op and I am anticipating some sort of back lash (for lack of better
words) from friends. It could be that your family was more comfortable with
you being overweight because it somehow made them feel superior, now that
you are losing weight they don't feel so superior so they make snide
remarks to try and bring you down. I wish you all the luck! Forget what
everyone else thinks and live for you.
— Stephanie D.
November 25, 2000
Hi Denise,
I am pre-op, but I went through a similar situation 10 years ago when I
lsot 100 lbs in Overeaters Anonymous.
I was SHOCKED to find out who my friends really were... so many people
acted differently (bad) adn I realized that now we were 'equals' and some
people don't like that. They secretly enjoy feeling superior in the 'looks'
department. I have a reputation for being really smart, which was ok when I
was fat and therefore automatically inferior... but when I was a normal
weight, suddenly some people were threatened that I seemed to 'have it
all.'
Unfortunately, I did not find a way to rectify the situation with those
people. and you know what? Life is SHORT. So the hell with 'em!
I consider it a gift to find out who my real friends are - so I would
concentrate on that, and forget the others.
— Veronica D.
November 25, 2000
Hi Denise! I am pre-op & my opinion is that everyone who has WLS faces
the same problem/concern. I feel the same way as Veronica, Stephanie &
Sharon. You have done SO well & don't let anyone discourage you from
losing even more. They're building themselves up by putting you
down...don't buy into that. Would you rather keep your 110 lbs and keep
them happy??? I think not. Go for the gusto girl ... you deserve it!!!
Good luck to you.
— Betty Todd
November 25, 2000
Although I can understand that others may view us differently, as the
weight comes off, please let's not forget that we ourselves have changed as
well. We may not realize it, but we may have a bit of tunnel vision re:
our weight, appearance, etc. We don't always see ourselves as others do.
Be very careful that your attitude isn't partly causing you any grief!
While we who have been in your shoes, know exactly how you feel and how
important this all is, perhaps others are reacting to hearing about the
whole process, quite a bit... Just another view, to think about... And
congrats on taking charge of your health!
— Dhelynn
November 25, 2000
Denise- yes- chalk it up to experience and move on. I think what
relationships are built on a variety of things: personality,
similar likes and dislikes, shared activitites, and, yes,
looks, unfortunately. I didn't realize this until I started
experiencing the same thing you are. I have lost a few friends-
skinny people who shouldn't be jealous of my weight loss, but
the dynamics changed somehow in our relationships, and I come
from a very dysfunctional family (all large people) who have
been sarcastic, critical, and generally unsupportive throughout
my entire life so why would I think they would be happy for me?
Denise, look for some new friends if you can, and if you think some
of your old friends will listen- talk to them and see what
is going on- they may not even realize they are behaving
differently, and you may learn that you are behaving differently
too (not necessarily badly). They may just be scared because
you are a different person. Anyway, I could write on and on
because I too am going through this and have analyzed it
repeatedly, but the gist is: Hang in there- you are not alone!
I think everybody goes through this with the weight loss
we have enjoyed. It stinks, BUT it will work out. Good Luck!
— M B.
November 26, 2000
You go girlfriend! You are doing this for yourself--mentally, physically
and emotionally. Congratulations on your weight loss. I am 6 weeks post op
and have lost 40+ lbs. If you are plus size, people tend to think they can
give you all kinds of diet advice in which you do not want to hear or need.
In one breath, they are telling you that you need to lose weight. In the
next breath, they are telling you not to lose too fast. You will never be
able to please the out side world. You are the same person no matter what
size you are. I hope your friends, family and co workers will come to see
this and help you celebrate your new found freedom. Peace and love, Jan
— Jan M.
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