Question:
When did you Begin to Notice Changes in your Relationships with Friends and Family?

I am nearly 7 months post-op and down 110 lbs. At what point post-op did you notice a jealousy or change from friends, family, or coworkers? Was it slight or overt? My psychiatrist warned me this may happen, but I felt my network of support was stronger - apparently not. Female friends are now excluding me from our regular outings and plans; family members made snide comments at Thanksgiving; coworkers have changed toward me. I realize that I have changed, but it has been positive in my opinion. I've always been assertive, so it's not that I've suddenly turned into a b*tch who won't take crap from anyone. I've tried to address my feelings, but they've been dismissed. I'd love to hear from others regarding this issue. Do you just chalk it up to experience and move on and meet new people? Thanks.    — [Deactivated Member] (posted on November 25, 2000)

November 25, 2000
Hi Denise, this is your friend Sharon! Listen, if any of these people were your friends in the first place, they would at least hear you out and address your concerns rather than just dismissing them. You should be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished! It may be difficult to ignore snide remarks or being slighted but if any of these people value what true friendships are all about they will come around...if not, then there are those of us that will welcome you with open arms! Hang in there kid...you're doing great! Your friend, Sharon.
   — Sharon R.

November 25, 2000
Hi Denise ~ Way to go on the weight loss! As for your friends treating you differently, are they on the chubby side? Could it be that with you getting thinner and more attractive they feel threatened? Sounds like it to me. I am pre-op and I am anticipating some sort of back lash (for lack of better words) from friends. It could be that your family was more comfortable with you being overweight because it somehow made them feel superior, now that you are losing weight they don't feel so superior so they make snide remarks to try and bring you down. I wish you all the luck! Forget what everyone else thinks and live for you.
   — Stephanie D.

November 25, 2000
Hi Denise, I am pre-op, but I went through a similar situation 10 years ago when I lsot 100 lbs in Overeaters Anonymous. I was SHOCKED to find out who my friends really were... so many people acted differently (bad) adn I realized that now we were 'equals' and some people don't like that. They secretly enjoy feeling superior in the 'looks' department. I have a reputation for being really smart, which was ok when I was fat and therefore automatically inferior... but when I was a normal weight, suddenly some people were threatened that I seemed to 'have it all.' Unfortunately, I did not find a way to rectify the situation with those people. and you know what? Life is SHORT. So the hell with 'em! I consider it a gift to find out who my real friends are - so I would concentrate on that, and forget the others.
   — Veronica D.

November 25, 2000
Hi Denise! I am pre-op & my opinion is that everyone who has WLS faces the same problem/concern. I feel the same way as Veronica, Stephanie & Sharon. You have done SO well & don't let anyone discourage you from losing even more. They're building themselves up by putting you down...don't buy into that. Would you rather keep your 110 lbs and keep them happy??? I think not. Go for the gusto girl ... you deserve it!!! Good luck to you.
   — Betty Todd

November 25, 2000
Although I can understand that others may view us differently, as the weight comes off, please let's not forget that we ourselves have changed as well. We may not realize it, but we may have a bit of tunnel vision re: our weight, appearance, etc. We don't always see ourselves as others do. Be very careful that your attitude isn't partly causing you any grief! While we who have been in your shoes, know exactly how you feel and how important this all is, perhaps others are reacting to hearing about the whole process, quite a bit... Just another view, to think about... And congrats on taking charge of your health!
   — Dhelynn

November 25, 2000
Denise- yes- chalk it up to experience and move on. I think what relationships are built on a variety of things: personality, similar likes and dislikes, shared activitites, and, yes, looks, unfortunately. I didn't realize this until I started experiencing the same thing you are. I have lost a few friends- skinny people who shouldn't be jealous of my weight loss, but the dynamics changed somehow in our relationships, and I come from a very dysfunctional family (all large people) who have been sarcastic, critical, and generally unsupportive throughout my entire life so why would I think they would be happy for me? Denise, look for some new friends if you can, and if you think some of your old friends will listen- talk to them and see what is going on- they may not even realize they are behaving differently, and you may learn that you are behaving differently too (not necessarily badly). They may just be scared because you are a different person. Anyway, I could write on and on because I too am going through this and have analyzed it repeatedly, but the gist is: Hang in there- you are not alone! I think everybody goes through this with the weight loss we have enjoyed. It stinks, BUT it will work out. Good Luck!
   — M B.

November 26, 2000
You go girlfriend! You are doing this for yourself--mentally, physically and emotionally. Congratulations on your weight loss. I am 6 weeks post op and have lost 40+ lbs. If you are plus size, people tend to think they can give you all kinds of diet advice in which you do not want to hear or need. In one breath, they are telling you that you need to lose weight. In the next breath, they are telling you not to lose too fast. You will never be able to please the out side world. You are the same person no matter what size you are. I hope your friends, family and co workers will come to see this and help you celebrate your new found freedom. Peace and love, Jan
   — Jan M.