Question:
I THINK DAILY THAT MY LITTLE BOY WILL NOT HAVE A MOTHER ANYMORE, WHAT CAN I DO?
I AM JUST SCARED TO DEATH THAT I WILL NEVER SEE MY SON AGAIN. HE IS A MAMA'A BOY AND A 2 YEAR OLD WHO NEEDS HIS MOTHER. I ONLY WORK 3 DAYS A WEEK SO I CAN SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIM AS IT IS. WHAT WILL HE DO WITH OUT A MOTHER? I JUST CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS BUT I AM ALSO TIRED OF BEING FAT. WHAT TO DO? — LISA A. (posted on August 31, 2003)
August 30, 2003
I to was very scared to leave my son to go have surgery.(I also work part
time just to spend more time w/ him!!!)My son was a little older than your
son but he is my only baby and the light of my life. I just kept thinking
about why I was having surgery in the first place. I wanted to be able to
chase him, go down the slide, go swimming, ride a bike, be able to sit on
the floor and play!! All with him. I can't tell if you are more scared of
the risks or if you are anxious about leaving him while you will be in the
hospital. The benefits of surgery far outweigh the risks. I would do it
again in a heartbeat. Not only will the surgery improve your quality of
life but it will benifit those around you. I am myself again and my son
notices that I am alot more fun. And even at 5 years old he is very proud
of me because he senses the pride I have in myself. I was very nervous to
leave my son (I had never been away from him for more than the occassional
overnight stay at Grandmas.) What I did to make me feel better about
leaving my son was to have lots of activities planned for him. My wonderful
sister came the morning of my surgery and took him to preschool, and then
after school took him to her house in Wisconsin. Then for the 2 days I was
in the Hospital she and my other sister and brother-in-law kept him busy by
taking him to Chuckie-Cheese, the Zoo, a movie, to the park and forlots of
walks, out to Mcdonalds. ALL FUN!!!
He was so worn out he only missed me a little at night. For your son being
only two you may even want to have someone come and stay at your house with
him. I felt like my son was at the age where being away from home kept his
mind busy so he didn't think about Mom as much. All kids are different. You
know yours best. Just have someone you trust watch him and plan activities
ahead of time . If you know he's doing fun stuff you will feel at ease. You
could also tape record yourself reading 3 or 4 of his favorite books or
singing his favorite songs to have someone play for him in case he misses
Mom. Before you know it you will be on the otherside!!!(also make sure you
have alot of help after surgery. trying to recover post-op w/ a 2 year old
can be tough) Good luck!!!!!!(post-op 12/05/02 -161 -183 total)
— annette G.
August 30, 2003
Lisa,
I had this fear also, so much so that I cancelled my original surgery date
of 10/02 because I was so afraid of leaving my four children without their
mother. I did then come to realize that our time is very limited and we
don't know when God will take us and I would prefer to take the chance of
living my life to the fullest than being afraid of something that we don't
have control over. I know this is a big decision and if you are not ready
then take some time before making this decision. I am not 5 months
post-op, down 103lbs and am able to enjoy my children more now than I have
their entire lives. I am so grateful for everyday I have with my children.
Good luck and feel free to e-mail me anytime.
Denise 280/177/150
— denisel
August 30, 2003
I went through this too. I have 5 kids. I went so far as to make
"arrangements" and talk to my husband and mom about it "just
in case". You have to make your own decision, but here is what my mom
said "If you stay this big how long do you think the kids will have
you?". Then we looked at the memorials page of those who died from
surgery, most were super morbidly obese and most did not die from the
surgery itself, they died of other complications such as embolism from not
getting up and walking after surgery, from heart attacks which they may
have died from even if they didn't have surgery and from not other reasons.
Again, you have to make your own decision. Best wishes,
— M B.
August 30, 2003
Essentially, nothing that anyone here can say will change how you feel.
BUT, just know that your thoughts are normal, and I think everyone with
kids has had the same. I have a two year old son too, and I made a will,
arranging for trusts and guardians for him in the event of my death. I
sobbed going into surgery for my mother to watch over him and keep him
safe, and here I am, already 30 lbs lighter, doing more with my son than
I've been able to do since he was born. We play in the sand, I was able to
fit in amusement park rides with him, and we walk and jog together. He
loves it, and so do I! It's scary, true, BUT IT'S WORTH EVERY SINGLE
MINTUE!!!! Best of luck to you!
— Kelly B.
August 31, 2003
I checked your profile and you are a BMI of 49.8 if I remember right. This
is a pretty significant weight and one that likely puts you are greater
risk of dying early and possibly very early depending on your co-morbs. It
is possible that you are not close enough to dying that makes it even more
difficult to make this decision? I think when a person realizes that they
could die any day of the week because of their health that they finally
realize it owuld be better to die trying than die in front of their
child(ren).
<p>Make sure you have all legal things taken care of, chose a surgeon
that you have total confidence in and trust that you will be fine. Your
child is very young and won't understand much. Maybe it would be helpful
to write him a letter explaining why you had to chose to take the risk. In
my opinion it is better to do this when younger and healthier than wait
till the risk is even higher.
<p>I do not have children but I do know that if I did that the
decision to have surgery would have been the only thing to do. At 442 and
a BMI of 65.3 I would have been at risk of dropping over dead in front of
them and that would be so much more horrible. Only you can figure this out
and find the peace needed to go forward with surgery. If you can't then
maybe the time is not right for you. Maybe you need to wait till that sign
comes along that tells you it is time no matter the risk. Just "tired
of being fat" may not be the right reason for you.
— zoedogcbr
August 31, 2003
Have you considered checking with your family doctor to see if this is
depression? If it is, they have many wonderful medications that can help. I
get my depression medication in liquid form. I am 2 months out from my
surgery. Also, having a plan set-up may help your anxiety. I have four
children and am the only wage-earner for my family of six. I talked with
all my children about surgery and made sure they knew what I was doing and
what was involved, but then, my children are 16, 10, 7, and 6. Much easier
since they can process the concept of surgery and what would be entailed.
They were and are amazingly supportive.
— Laura J.
August 31, 2003
I have a nine year old daughter and had BMI of 45. I'm 42 years old. I had
the surgery in June of this year (lost 50 so far). When I was considering
the surgery, my daughter was the only reservation I had. Even at 285, I was
fairly active and had no real health issues (yet). I knew I was never
going to lose weight on my own and I added 5 lbs a year for the next 10
years and could see where I would be a 52; not a pretty picture.
Eventually, my daughter ended up being a major reason I did it. She knows
I did it to maintain my health (a great lesson for her in being proactive).
BUT what made me able to go through with it was writing her a letter. I
gave it to my husband in the eventuality that something went terribly wrong
and I didn't make it. In it, I told her not only why I had made the
decision but some words of wisdom for life, my wishes for her, how much I
loved her and that I would be her angel. Writing that letter was one of
the hardest things I've ever done but after I finished it, I was okay with
my decision. Now I know your son is only two but I would still advise
doing the same thing it. Post script: My surgery was flawless--out of the
hospital in 3 days. You have you own considerations. Make your decision
(yea or nea) based on your situation and make peace with it. Good Luck,
Renee
— ReneeJune03
August 31, 2003
Hi Lisa- I'm a mom too and can certainly relate. My son is at that age (11
and a half) where his peers are beginning to snicker and stare at me.
Although, this is NOT a reason for having WLS, I can tell it hurts him.
I'm sure if you're like most moms, we don't like to see our children in
pain for any reason. I have tried to think about how my MO has affected my
son; not being able to go on amusement rides with him, not being able to go
on family hikes, not volunteering at his school because I can't handle the
steps or fit in the seats, him seeing me with horrible self-esteem issues,
etc. You have to consider the quality of life that you and your son will
have together with WLS vs. remaining MO. How will your life be in ten
years without the WLS? Now how about with WLS? Good luck with your
decision :o) Mea
— Mea A.
September 2, 2003
Being a mother is the best thing in the world. I too thought of my children
before I had my surgery. I also thought of how much they would suffer if I
died because I never lost weight. What if I died of diabetes or a heart
attack? Wouldn't they be angry at me for not trying to save my life? So, I
figured that having the surgery would save my life and save my babies the
heartache. My children are 9 and 4 by the way. However, I also wanted to
give myself a chance to live a better and healthier life. I have been over
weight my entire life. I wanted to see how the other half live. It's been
three months since my surgery and I haven't had a regret since. I'd do it
again in a heartbeat. (5/30/03)66weightloss/weigh 265
— blanca V.
September 2, 2003
As a dad i have to take a different approach plus my kids were older. I
told my oldest pin numbers and accounts and told him what to do in case
anything happened. BUT I also said that I didn't think anything would. This
gives me a chance to be with them longer and do things and not worry about
what their friends say to them. Plus I am healthier. You will be able to
spend more time with and do more active things. Although it is major
surgery, there are minimal risks if you are healthy before. I urge you to
start now by limiting caffeine and sweets and carbs and getting in protein
and water. The healthier you are now the better and faster you will
recover.
— snicklefritz
September 2, 2003
Lisa...I too am having the same feelings, my surgery is in 2 weeks. My
youngest is 3 and my biggest fear is that if something happens to me that
he is too young to remember me. My other 2 are 10 and 11 years old and I
know they would remember. He was just sitting on my lap and I kept hugging
him and kissing him. I starting to tear up and told him that I will always
love him, he looked at me and said, "Mommy, you have water in your
eyes, wipe them off!" So innocent. So just know that you are not the
only one with that concern. Everything will work out and soon we'll be
riding on those roller coasters with our kids.
— Kim H.
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