Question:
Unsupportive Family....A change to deal with later
For some of us, there's been a lack of support from our spouse throughout the marriage...maybe contributed to eating too much? I am going to NOW put myself first- I do matter! I'm schelduled in 25 days, I will heal and walk & follow instructions....and work on CHANGES!!! — Ann M. (posted on August 30, 2002)
August 30, 2002
I hope your marriage is stronger than the average. It is very strainful on
a relationship that has some cracks in its foundation to endure all the
changes and emotions that come with having this sugery and loosing weight.
I thought my relationship wouldn't change much however within a couple
weeks of bieng home and the lack of support - it became to much for me to
handle. It is very true that marriages that are not that great don't have
much chances of surviving this battle. Now that I have been there done
that I wish I had tried to prepare myself before this surgery, I just
didn't listen to all the people that warned me. The divorce rate of
obesity/WLS is ungodly high unfortunatly. I don't regret the surgery and
would do it again but I would have rather did it with support. Good Luck
— Rebecca B.
August 30, 2002
ATTA GIRL!!! You DO matter!!! We find that sometimes spouces don't give
support when the wife gets over weight, but then when she loses weight they
get so possessive you can't breathe. I wish you the best of luck and you
sound like you are already making GREAT changes ... you will do very well.
— Betty Todd
August 30, 2002
I just cannot understand why a spouce would not support his or her mate in
a situation that would improve health and one's self esteem! Don't worry
everything will work out for you. Keep the faith!
— Gene F.
August 30, 2002
I too had a very UNSUPPORTIVE husband. Sure he was there in the hospital
right by my bed for the whole 8 days that they kept me there, but he stayed
home for 2 days after I came home and not ONE BIT of help or a kind word
since. I was 1 year post op on Aug 10 and he has still yet to acknowledge
my #136 loss. He has never ONCE said gosh that dress looks great. Ok you
guys, I went from a 4X to a size 7 petite, now come on, he's gotta notice
that!!! ???? !!!! I have had more compliments from people that don't even
know me..But I didn't have the surgery for him, I had it to better
myself..I don't know if it is an insecurity problem with him or what,oh
yeah, I am married to a gorgeous 6'5" man that works out twice a day,
marathon runner...and HE HAS A INSECURITY PROBLEM????? GO FIGURE !! I gave
up trying to figure it out. Guess he liked me fat and too self conscious
to go out any where.....
— Joi G.
August 30, 2002
I understand the frustration you are going through. My mother was MO all
her life. (5'3, over 300) and my father was tall and thin all his. They
were married for 37 years and he never said one kind word to her. Just
that whenever she tried to lose weight, he would tell her she would fail
and make her feel miserable. I think that the men are unsecure. I think
they feel they will lose the control they feel they have. I don't know
everything of your situation, but it is emotional abuse. How could a
spouse not want their loved one to be more healthy so they can do things
with them. Again,,,control. Do your surgery, if the spouse doesn't come
around, where was your marriage gonna go anyways.
— stacey1273
August 31, 2002
I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HAVE NO SUPPORT AND IM 14WKS POST OP AND I HAVE
HAD NO SUPPORT AT ALL FROM MY HUSBAND AND FAMILY AND IM SO GLAD I HAD THIS
SURGERY IVE HAD TO HOLD MYSELF UP IF YOU NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO PLEASE
EMAIL ME I REALLY ENJOY HAVING SOMEONE ELSE TO TALK TO THAT HAS HAD THIS
SAME SURGERY . MATTER OR FACT I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO TO. GOOD LUCK AND
ITS WORTH IT. ANGIE MATHEWS
— ANGIE M.
August 31, 2002
Hi. Good luck to you you will do great. I hope that you have a husband
who loves you the way you are and is as afraid of the risks as mine was.
He was incredibly unsupportive until the day of surgery. He was completely
petrified he would lose his wife and mother of his child over something he
didn't see as a problem. ( well I did) He actually believed up until the
day prior to surgery that I would back out. Not a chance I too am worth it
and so is my family and I want to be sure that I give myself every
opportunity to see my grandchildren and see my son graduate from college
etc. GO FOR IT you are worth it and realizing that is the first step to
reclaiming all of the things, including control over your weight, that make
life worth living. :-)
— pcollin4
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