Question:
HELP! Father extremely severe obese!!
Hi I am scheduled for RNY in May.. yeah for me, but I can't be happy because my father is extremely overweight. He is about 400 or more pounds, 5'8. High BP, Diabete, can't do anything himself, irritable, mean, eats and eats and picks at food, leg is swelled up and can't move. He is too old for surgery. He can't stop eating. Is there a place to send him for intervention? Or is there a diet of shakes and food I could get for him to follow, please help!!! — tayee24 (posted on April 15, 2008)
April 14, 2008
Congratulations on your decision to change your life and get healthy!
About your father, if he is completely immobile- my biggest question is who
is bringing this man the food? It sounds like he is addicted to food like
most of us who suffer from this disease of obesity. Food is our drug of
choice. It is no different than someone buying and serving alcohol to an
alcoholic in my opinion. I would highly reccomend an appointment with his
PCP as soon as possible for suggestions on treatment. There are diet
shakes and all kinds of diets out there- it is really best for his
physician to prescribe. I have been reading a lot about the Gastric
Balloon procedure lately for those who are super obese or are poor surgical
candidates. Might be something to discuss. Remember though, no matter
what you want for him, he has to be want to and be willing to change.
— DawnVic
April 14, 2008
I agree with Dawn, "he has to want to and be willing to change"
before he will succeed in ANY weight loss program.
I needed RNY surgery 15 years ago, but until I was ready, no amount of
talking, pleading and begging from my family, friends and doctors made a
difference. I had to make the decision for myself. You might want to talk
to him about counceling. Sometimes they can get to the root of the
problem, it could be depression or some other reason he's irritable, mean
and is using food as a "good friend".
That said and done, CONGRATS on your upcoming surgery, we're waiting for
you on the "loser's side". Best of luck to you and your dad.
— Nee P
April 14, 2008
Hi thats so sweet . But rightnow I think you deserve to keep the
attention on yourself. I don't think there is any such intervention
available. If you know who it is a call to his doctor might be a good
thing...but if he doesn't accept help don't be surprised. Try to learn
from it and keep your own life and weight in focus.
Nobody can change anybody except themselves...but you will change you and
some of your family history with your own success. Give yourself the gift
and let God handle your father... love..Suzle
— [Deactivated Member]
April 14, 2008
How old is "too old"?? I had my RNY at 59, 2 years ago. And there
are several in my local support groups older than I am.
— Dave Chambers
April 14, 2008
Tammy,
I was 385 before surgery and 62 years old. I have a lady that I met and
she is having surgery at 73 years old next month and is 360 lbs. How old
is too old? I took 19 drugs, and after just three months have a A1C of 5.6
(no longer diabetic) blood pressure of 100/55, total colestrol of 95 and
now only that my vitatmins and suppliments plus synthroid for my bad
thyroid. It does cure a lot of the problems you described. I work out in
the gym every day, and never had had this much engery. His mood might be
cause from depression. Over weight can cause sever depression, and there
are mood swings while loosing weight, so have him checked by a good doctor,
and find out what can be done. Remember he has got to want to do it for it
to be sucessful. I would be glad to write him if he wanted to talk to
someone that has been through it. Congrads on your decision. By the way,
I had a RNY on December 5, 2007. I now weigh 244 and lossing every day.
— William (Bill) wmil
April 15, 2008
Congratulations for you. About your father, my son is younger and his
weight is about the same and my daughter in law went on weight watchers and
she put him on the diet three weeks ago and he has lost over 15 pounds and
he said it is not keeping him starving. They do the point system. I am
very proud of both. She has lost over 40 pounds since Novermber.
— dyates2948
April 15, 2008
Maybe after seeing you succeed with your weight loss, you can
"sell" him on your new way of eating and get him to eat the kind
of things you will have begun to eat and stop eating the kind of stuff that
got you both(us all) to an unhealthy size. He might allow you to help him
if he sees it's really working for you and you show him a great attitude
towards it. Til then, you should allow this moment to be your own and enjoy
it...It's an exciting new journey and you deserve it to be about you. He
will be amazed as you begin to shrink and you can bring him a plate of what
you are eating in a larger size...Not right away (As you will be eating all
kinds of strange soft baby mush foods!) But later....you should be eating
dense high proteins and no sugars, and only complex carbs....Lower
fats....Just bring him what you are having. Instead of Ice cream...Bring
him a big old protein smoothie, even if you have to disquise it with a
little ice cream and fruit in his (do a no sugar added ice cream) There are
so many things you can do to please him and help him at the same time.
Gradually cut back full fat foods for lighter fats and ween him slowly.
Just dropping a few hundred calories from his diet will help him...
Good luck
— .Anita R.
April 15, 2008
Per my surgeon (Dr. Trace Curry in Cinci), the VSG has a wider patient base
(e.g., teens and seniors) because it has fewer complications than some of
the other procedures out there. From what I've read, it can be performed
laparoscopically on patients as large as 500 pounds, and has been used as a
'first step' to other procedures in patients over 60 BMI for a really long
time. The surgery is only about an hour, so that in itself prevents a lot
of complications in more fragile patients. The VSG started being performed
as a 'standalone' procedure after doctors found that many patients were
satisfied with thier weight loss after the first stage of the BPD/DS (which
is the VSG) and never returned for the second stage. Your father might
qualify for the VSG...and once his health has improved he could have a
second stage procedure (DS or RNY) if he decides to. I chose the VSG for
myself because I was worried about stoma and stricture and dumping
issues...and the VSG lets you keep your own pyloric valve. Your stomach is
a little bigger after the VSG than after the RNY (2-5oz capacity, depending
on how long your stomach is), but the part of the stomach that produces the
hunger-stimulating hormone ghrelin is removed. I got a lot of good info on
the VSG from www.vsgfaq.com...and I'm sure this site has a lot of info too
(though I can't access it from work--almost my only internet access right
now). Good luck and God bless on your surgery and your father's health!
April
— abeeba
April 15, 2008
How old is TOO old? Is your father even WILLING to have the procedure
DONE? If NOT then as they used to say in the Old West, "You can lead
a Horse to Water. but you can't make him drink." Bariatric surgery
has to be the choice for each INDIVIDUAL to make for HIMSELF. As much as
you love your dad, if he has his heart set on eating himself to death, you
can't stop him. If he is WILLING to have the surgery done but has been
unable to find a doctor or a procedure that can be performed, there may be
a solution for him. One option may to be to look for another surgeon. Get
a SECOND opinion. Just because ONE doctor says he is too old doesn't mean
that he actually IS too old. It just may mean that THAT doctor didn't want
to take the risk. Another alternative may be a new procedure that has come
out. You can BET that the insurance companies will probably NOT cover it
or at least not without a BIG fight but if you can afford it or find it
done cheaply OUTSIDE the US it may be an option for a self pay procedure.
You can find a link explaining the procedure here:
http://www.obesityhelp.com/ohblog/mode,content/cmsID,10601/ .
Basically there is NO cutting involved. The surgeon just goes in through
the esophagus and puts some spike like devices into the wall of the stomach
at two points in the wall and draws the stomach up. He does this at
various areas around the stomach until he has reduced the VOLUME that the
stomach can hold by basically FOLDING the wall of the stomach in upon
itself. At the moment there seems to be no long term studies on weight
loss results but if you are in need and are willing to try it then it may
be worth the cost. From what I have seen, the cost of the procedure is
about $9,000.00 here in the US. I don't know if you can get the job done
in Mexico yet. Recovery time seems to be very short withs some of the
comments saying that folks were back to work the next day.
I hope this helps,
Hugh
— hubarlow
April 15, 2008
Yes there is a place...a 12 step program called Over Eaters Anonymous. U
can find it on the web also. But like anyone with a eating disorder or a
mental health problem (or both) he has to want the help. Get him to his
primary to be sure he is following Dr. orders on diet (I am sure he is not)
then get him to mental health ASAP. If U need to, stage an intervention,
just like for a addict (is drug of choice is food) and get into a in
hospital program. This U will have to research to great end. Also realize,
he is a grown man capable of making choices. So unless U know there are
reasons he is mentally unstable....in which case U need to get some form of
Guardianship...be warned its a slippery slope. Good luck and
congratulations on your surgery, good luck with the family issue.
— chell1957
April 15, 2008
Good luck with your upcoming surgery and change of life, it is absolutely
wonderful! As far as your Dad goes, you need to contact a weight loss
intervention center in a big city that deals with morbidly obese patients.
There are a lot of them in New York and most big cities that del with your
Dad's eating disorder and his health problems too! Just google it and
start calling! Your Dad needs more than just a diet and shakes, he has a
lot of emotional issues that need to be addressed! Good luck! Lori in
Micihgan
— reretheplaylady
April 16, 2008
FYI - I saw a show on the Discovery Health channel about a rehab place for
the severely obese called the Brookhaven Center.
— Pam-TX
April 16, 2008
How old is he? I know someone who had the surgery and she was in her late
60's or early 70's. And she had Gastric Bypass. he will not stop eating
unless he wants to do it. Like a smoker, they wont stop unless they want to
stop. bottom line
— Joanc
April 16, 2008
Congratulations on your decision. It's the best decision you will ever
make. How old is too old? I'm 61 and just had the RNY in February and have
lost 45 pounds so far. I have diabetes too but am slowly getting off my
meds. Your father will have to make the decision himself but maybe if he
sees how well you do on it, it will give him hope.
— SLittle1
April 19, 2008
I heard that "we are a sum of the five people we spend the most time
with". It is my prayer that your father will be encouraged by your
example and follow your lead.
— J C
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