Question:
Husband laughs at me when I explain about the battle of this WLS, not supportive!
HE THINKS MY WLS WAS 9MONTHS AGO IT IS ALL OVER AND JOKES AND SAIDS " OH YEAH LET ME GUESS YOU HAD MAJOR SURGERY" — jminer410 (posted on April 25, 2010)
April 25, 2010
Its obvious your husband doesn't understand. And, like me, for example, I
am a recovered alcoholic of 9yrs. People who are not alcoholics don't
understand my drinking (past drinking). They don't have to. I need to
understand it and take care of myself.
So, I talk to people who are MY SUPPORT GROUP. Perhaps it will be best to
just accept that he doesn't get it. I suggest you talk (get into a support
group) and surround yourself with people who do understand. Good luck to
you +hugs+
— shinetohim7
April 25, 2010
Ditto the first poster - find a support group and join in. At home you
should also tell him his comments hurt your feelings. If you don't share
this he will continue making thoughtless jokes and further undermine your
resolve to a healthier lifestyle. You need to gently remind him this was a
lifetime, lifestyle choice. Perhaps there is something he doesn't find
amusing that you can compare to. Something to the effect of: 'Honey, when
you make jokes about my weight loss efforts it really hurts. This is no
joke to me anymore than ..."x".... is to you." Everyone
communicates differently. Maybe this isn't the way you would respond and
something shorter would be more natural. If so you could say in your most
sarcastic tone, "Wow, now THAT was helpful." Irregardless of how
you put it, you do need to let him know how important his support is to you
but at the same time you have to understand that it was YOUR choice and he
doesn't have to eat like you, etc. No one can do this for us, only we can.
It just makes it easier if our families are on board. If these suggestions
don't work, consider seeking out counseling with a professional. I wish you
all the best - HUGS
— Arkin10
April 25, 2010
Many spouses fear being left after their partner looses weight. It is more
common than you think, and a fear even my husband shared with me. My hubby
is super supportive, but I was glad he could tell me that, and maybe the
jokes are a way of masking his fears. Communication is key.
— e56700
April 25, 2010
I agree with Ivette, but when he sees the weight loss and that you are
serious about it, he will stop. You might have to tell him it bothers you
right now so he needs to ease up. He could be a little in secure about it.
Tell him to start eating healthier as well and you both will look good in
the end. But if not, do your thing and show him how good you will look!
He will jump on the band wagon eventually! Let him have his fun for NOW
:-) It's a cover up. Oh and when people start complimenting you in front
of him, OMG that will open his eyes! He will shutup then! :-)
— Jrice423
April 26, 2010
I wonder if your husband might be willing to go to a support group meeting
with you? Might help open his eyes to the ongoing attention the WLS
commitment requires in our lives. We spent many years eating too much and
it became a habit. It will take a long time to really train ourselves to
eat in a healthy way for the rest of our lives. The surgery is a sort of a
crutch for the behavior modification every patient must go through. It's
really a lifetime commitment to a changed, healthier lifestyle. Perhaps
your husband didn't get all that before, but it's important that you ask
for his ongoing support if possible. And I'll echo what other posters have
said... a big change in appearance can make a spouse nervous. I've had that
conversation more than once with my wife since beginning this journey. Your
husband may need reassurance that you're doing this for your health, not to
go hunting for a new husband!
— Greg K.
April 29, 2010
I suggest that you don't discuss ANY weight loss issues with him AT ALL.
He will set off triggers for you to eat. If you can; talk to another
family member regarding those, or better yet, come to this website. We
will be supportive. Leave your husband out of the loop when it comes to
this. Some are real supportive and some just think it is a joke. My
husband wasn't real interested in me having the surgery until after it was
over my doctor spoke to him and said "I really needed this, to make my
health better and pretty much to save my life". Then.............he
really understood how important it was for my health. It wasn't done just
to be skinny and pretty, we want to live a lot longer and being heavy is
just a shove in the grave. I hope this helps you feel better. Congrats on
your surgery.
— Kristy
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