Question:
After losing the weight, has anyone else felt more insecure than before?
I am 8 mos post op and have reached my initial weight loss goal. I am finding I am a lot more insecure about myself than before. At times I think I can take on the world, then other times I second guess every decision from what do where to what jobs to apply for. Can anyone else relate? — heartsablaze (posted on September 28, 2008)
September 28, 2008
Not yet - haven't reached my goal yet... I depend on God for guidance and
pray and believe that He will always guide me. That's the only advise that
I have for you. We will go through changes emotionally and mentally I
know. I will be praying alot. Have others praying for me as well.
— ap2008324
September 28, 2008
Of course we can relate. Our fat can sometimes be our shield, you take
that away, you take away our shield. I would recommend a book called
"The Emotional Eating Toolkit" by the psychologist Cynthia
Alexander. It deals with the mental aspects we go through with our
transformations. What you are experiencing is perfectly normal, each
person is different in how they react. Fear of success, fear of failure,
etc.
Good luck to you,
Dawn Vickers, RN, BLC, CLC
— DawnVic
September 29, 2008
I always looked at it this way, I was now in the world without my armor.
Nothing covering me to protect me from them. I had to get used to the
world all over again. Give it time, this is all new. But be afraid of the
obstacles on your journey, work through every moment. It will pay off in
the end!!
— bariatricdivalatina
September 29, 2008
I went through this whole stage where I thought I was getting too much
attention. I would be at a store and someone would hold the door open for
me, the sales person would ask if I needed help, someone shopping by me
would ask for my opinion, or would smile at me - what are they people crazy
I would think. You go from being invisible to having people (male and
female) talk to you, see you, etc. I was angry for a while. Like I am the
same dam person, I only weigh less. I went through a lot of stages - but
now... I have come to terms with it all and am fine with the new me the new
way people interact with me and how I do them. I didn't think I had changed
that much, but I did. You just have to find the new you and realize that
you are fine just the way you are and that you are doing what you're doing
for yourself and who cares what everyone else thinks. Your indecisivness
will go away as you get more confident in your own skin. good luck.
— jammerz
September 29, 2008
I went through this whole stage where I thought I was getting too much
attention. I would be at a store and someone would hold the door open for
me, the sales person would ask if I needed help, someone shopping by me
would ask for my opinion, or would smile at me - what are they people crazy
I would think. You go from being invisible to having people (male and
female) talk to you, see you, etc. I was angry for a while. Like I am the
same dam person, I only weigh less. I went through a lot of stages - but
now... I have come to terms with it all and am fine with the new me the new
way people interact with me and how I do them. I didn't think I had changed
that much, but I did. You just have to find the new you and realize that
you are fine just the way you are and that you are doing what you're doing
for yourself and who cares what everyone else thinks. Your indecisivness
will go away as you get more confident in your own skin. good luck.
— jammerz
September 29, 2008
One of the reasons you may be having this reaction is that you (like the
rest of us) used to handle those issues and insecurities with food. A box
of brownies made me confident and energized me to where I didn't think
about the other issues, I just did what needed done. Now that our
"crutch" is gone, we have to deal a bit more truthfully with
ourselves. But isn't it great to be free to do that? Best wishes as you
grow and be yourself.
— sandra17
September 29, 2008
Tracy, changes come in big and small packages with wls. Confidence is not
something you wake up with one morning, it is a process. As you become
comfortable and encouraged by your new body and weight, you will find the
new and confident you, but it just takes time. A few years to be exact.
Just take one day at a time, know that God loves you very much and if you
will look to Him, the beauty just keeps on coming. Take care. Patricia P.
— Patricia P
September 30, 2008
I have always been a very shy, introverted person in real life! I'm not
insecure, but I do have social anxiety and I am a recluse who rarely goes
out in public...especially alone. This stems from a bad childhood and
traumatic experiences. Much of my weight, I believe, was my armor...The
negative attention of being disapproved of being an obese person was easier
for me to deal with than the sexual tention and advances I got as a young
woman. After the weight loss, I had to once again deal with old issues
that suddenly were back...It made me feel extremely insecure...I am a very
bold and happy and secure person, and I make friends everywhere I go...but
many people are very touchy feely and I cannot handle when strangers touch
me...I have to feel comfortable enough with someone to even let them touch
my arm! (I know ...weird..., I have social issues) Attention of any kind
in public just makes me feel totally naked...or like I am walking around
with one shoe on and one bare foot! It's just not comfortable! I am much
better about it and I started immediately doing things to ease up on my
anxiety. One thing I do is , when exchanging cash with a cashier, I
intentionally touch the persons hand. For someone like me, that's like
touching a bug or a prickly critter...But it makes my reactions to people
who accidentally touch me, less dramatic. I don't panic anymore....as
much...Some people have a personality that makes me panic and then I'm just
jello and have to go home! Mental issues are HARD to overcome...I went to
years of therapy prior to WLS...The brain is not operated on with WLS
though...and buried isses could come back to the surface...Or new ones will
arise with a DIFFERENT, more positive kind of attention than you are not
used to! It gets easier...but if it doesn't...A good therapist will be able
to help you transition into your new thinner self. I'm okay with who I
am...So??? I don't feel totally comfortable alone in large crowds...Could
be worse! I'm not afraid of heights or elevators! LOL
— .Anita R.
October 1, 2008
I have not yet had surgery, but have struggled with my weight for many
years, done lots of therapy, etc. Have realized that for myself, my weight
has always been a sheild of sorts, first against unwanted sexual advances,
but in more recent years, as I have become heavier, less mobile, the
limitations my weight imposes have exempted me from areas of effort where I
am not confident. As I face surgery, I am aware of feeling challenged or a
bit apprehensive about getting back into life. So your feelings of
insecurity make perfect sense to me. All change, even positive change
brings insecurity, the unknown. Reinventing yourself from the ground up is
a huge task! And a great adventure!
— emroseb
October 1, 2008
Tracy -- what you're feeling is perfectly normal, and, if how many of us
post-ops actually end up feeling this way is any indication, more the rule
than the exception. As others have pointed out, for many of us our body
size was the wall we put up between us and other people, us and our
feelings, us and the world. After surgery, as our body starts to shrink,
the wall starts to crumble, too. The first couple of years post-op were,
for me, difficult on a number of levels, as all the feelings and
resentments started coming out. Therapy helps a great deal, as it's good
to have an "outside" person give you some perspective in the
whole thing. It gets easier, it really does, as you adjust to your new
life and your new feelings. It just takes time, and one day you'll wake up
and realize that you haven't second-guessed yourself since you don't
remember when. Good luck, and blessings for the journey --
— Cheryl Denomy
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