Question:
Another statement
In response to the hair loss statement. I was one of those who asked a question recently. I am 4 mos post rny and although i may be a "newbie", i posted a question to get answers. If you do not want to answer the same thing over again, then please don't. Just because you might be further out than me does not make you an expert by any means. People ask questions because something is happening to them that is frightening and would like to speak with someone about it (a common ground, if you will). Also to everyone who disses people about what they might have eaten, you have or had the same problems otherwise you would not be here. A few months ago, I asked a question about alcohol. OMG, I was pinned for an alkie and should not have gotten this surgery if I even thought about it. If you people are going to answer these questions, please do so with kindness or your own personal insight. Otherwise, keep your bias opinions to yourself. — bikermama (posted on August 24, 2008)
August 24, 2008
I'm sorry you had this experience. I too am a newbie.
I know that the same questions get asked over and over as we
newbie's are just now coming onto the scene. I would have thought that the
older patients would have moved on . I think
if it bothers anyone to answer the questions then perhaps they
don't need to waist their time reading this support group.
I did read that answer about eatting the wrong foods. I don't think that
person met it in a bad way. I think that person was
afraid that this sort of info. could harm a newbie. I think they
was worried about a new person getting the wrong info at a
most important time in their recovery. But I have read a few
response that did seem harsh and un called for. This certianly is a very
scarey time in my life. My hubby and myself both are pre op. I've flipped
flopped many tmes on
whether or not to actually do this. But I keep reminding myself
if I/we don't go thru with it our lives won't be long or very
happy as we both are having weight related problems.
We both are in our 50's.
I hope the best for each of you --a new life awaits us.
Sometimes nerves makes us act or say things that we normally would not.
God bless you all and the best of luck with recovery.
I have actually copied many responses and have them
on my refrig. for reference in case we have that problem.
some really good advise has come thru this support group.
But if it does annoy anyone giving advise please just don't.
we don't need any additional stress at this point.
donna
— BJW12
August 24, 2008
I will also get alot of crap about this but.... my husband and I like to
have a few drinks on the weekend while watching the races, can I drink with
out killing myself. I understand that these are empty calories, but it is
something that I really enjoy.
— phyllismmay
August 24, 2008
Hi, Phyllis and Arden. I agree with the first post. I don't think the
person meant anything harmful or vicious about the reply. Because of where
I come from, sometimes I perceive people's responses to be a bit short,
abrupt, and sometimes rude. I try to remind myself that 9 times out of 10
that that is not the feeling the person was trying to send. I just come
from a place/region where people tend to take a bit longer to get to the
point than they do in other places. They also do it more delicately.
But I am by no means fragile and you might see this in the next part of my
message. I believe the reason people react so strongly to alcohol questions
is that a bunch of us must have had surgeons and bariatric staff who made
it abundantly clear that alcohol was not only a no-no. but was potentially
very dangerous, even in small amounts. It is no sort of moral declaration,
but a real warning regarding your safety. I grew up knowing a lot about
physiology and how alcohol is metabolized (gets into your system). It is
very frightening to think that alcohol will get metabolized much faster
than it does right now, which is plenty fast. Because of the bypass (or
restriction in other cases) you are skipping the first place where alcohol
gets metabolized. The part being skipped takes a lot longer to metabolize
alcohol than the place where it will now be metabolized. In my opinion, the
chances for alcohol poisoning increase many-fold. What was a moderate or
little amount of alcohol before may now be considered by your body to be a
whole bunch of alcohol. And your body metabolizes alcohol without regard to
your health or safety at all. The two cases of alcohol poisoning I have
seen scared me nearly to death. I thought both people were going to die,
but they pulled through with the help of physicians and nurses in both the
ER and ICU of hospitals. One has had serious lifelong health consequences
as a result of that episode and the other(different place and time) has
moderate lifelong health consequences as a result. Neither one set out to
get poisoned and no one helped them get that way. As for me, that's where I
come from on drinking alcohol post surgery. Yes, of course, it is empty
calories we don't need. There have been, however, several people who wrote
in months ago that were able to get their eating under control only to now
deal with alcohol problems. These folk were very passionate about warning
the rest of us and what they said made some sense. They feel like they
turned to alcohol instead of food as a habit and it got out of control,
much as how their eating did. I didn't get the impression that the people
who wrote about this had been heavy drinkers before surgery.
So, my advice would be to be VERY careful in your decision to drink
alcohol. You likely will have no idea how it will affect you and the
results could be adverse. A few people have written in before saying that
they have a glass of wine occasionally. However, these people were the
first to admit that it took very little for them to get a buzz and that
they didn't feel like they could do it very often.
Best wishes. This was meant in good spirit, OK?
dana
— jujuprof
August 24, 2008
I hate when I or anyone asks a question ... and they or myself gets ripped
for it. People should not even think about answering any question unless
they are going to approach it with compassion and understanding. If a
person actually times the time to type up a quesitons ... it is something
that is really bothering them ... the last thing they need is to be
offended by rude answers! I feel your pain Arden ... I have asked a
question or two and gotten rude responses ... now I think twice before
posting a question. Sad!
— Tammy Cardwell
August 24, 2008
Thank you for your comments....I too have been on the receiving end of some
pretty nasty comments...and I'm not so sure they were meant kindly....in
any event, there are more of us than there are of them although we may not
be as vocal...keeping asking your questions...there are no stupid questions
in this forum....ignore those that want to make you feel that way!!!!!
— Fredricka MacLean
August 24, 2008
I am sorry that you feel you have been treated poorly on these boards and I
can understand it. I don't post often. Most times I just read unless I
feel passionate about something or there is something that I have
experience on. You want to get a response from me start talking about
alcohol. I will not rip you or anyone about it as it is a personal choice,
what I will do is share with you what happened to me and warn you
emphatically to be careful. To the poster above me, I rarely drank prior
to my RNY but I did transfer addictions and became a alcoholic who was so
physically dependent upon alcohol that I could not go more than a few hours
without having it in my system or else withdrawals would set it. I almost
killed myself with it, had alcohol poisoning more times than I can count.
I am happy to say that I celebrated 4 years sober earlier this month but I
wish I had know upfront how many people get in trouble with transfer
addictions. Having alcoholics in my family I think I would have been more
wary (or at least I would like to think so) if I had known that information
going in. My purpose in sharing my experience is to try to stop even one
person from going through what I went through. Getting sober was the
hardest thing I ever had to do, MUCH harder than WLS. I will never blast
anyone for their choices. I am a firm believer that we are all capable of
beating up on ourselves much more effectively than anybody else ever could
and I don't know about you but I certainly don't need help in it. I need
support. I need information. At times I might need a gentle reminder but
I never need to be bashed. Anyway, I'm 8.5 years out from RNY and 10 years
out for WLS in general and I've been on this board a very long time. There
is a saying in AA that I think would work here just as well, "Take
what you need and put the rest on a shelf for you may need it later
on." Best wishes! Kellye
— Kellye C.
August 25, 2008
This is the reason I DO NOT ask any questions here. There are some people
on this message board that must enjoy degrading people. I have even seen
them dog people about their spelling I mean come on people if you are that
unhappy go be unhappy by yourself. I try to read the daily questions as I
am now 5 months out and still like to hear from people who have gone thru
what I am going thru and try to learn from others. But negative is not what
I what or need.
— KajunMomX3
August 25, 2008
Hi there - it's Pamela H. The one who obviously started all of this! I
apologize sincerely. It was not my intention to blast, degrade, insult or
bring anyone down. I just thought I'd share my knowledge. I don't claim
to be an expert and I did not complain about "having to answer yet
another hair loss question". (I don't know if I even read the
question posted by "Arden") I read my post over a couple times
to make sure it did not sound unfriendly or berating. I did not think it
did.
You come to this site to get support and information so why buck it when
you get it? Sure, there are some who rip into people because of something
they did that didn't adhere to the rules exactly, there are some self
righteous people on here who claim to never make mistakes, but I did not
think I was one of them. I've made mistakes (and if you'd like you can
email and I will send you a list) and if we are honest about it, I'm sure
we've ALL made mistakes - even those who post as if they never have. We
are human. We have had a lifelong problem with food; that doesn't change
when we leave the hospital.
Anyway, I don't claim to be an expert and I'm incredibly sorry that you
took offense to the statement. There are perfectly sound reasons as to why
we lose hair, why we shouldn't drink alcohol, why we should not ingest too
much sugar and on and on. You come here to get info. If you don't see the
answer your looking for you do a search. By posting what I did any one
researching the surgery or any one recently out will pull up my answer. I
thought I was helping. . . .
Wow.
— Pambylah
August 25, 2008
Thank you for saying it!!!! I am almost 7 months post-op and I can't agree
with you enough!! Don't get me wrong, I love this site and all those in it
but there are a lot of people who act as if you can't still be a human
being after WLS. While I understand that they are trying to help, I also
have noticed that a lot of people jump to conclusions about certain things
just because of a question (like the alcohol question). I have also been
criticized recently for some of the things that I eat. We know what works
for us and if we don't then we find out. Not everyone is the same. I
recently have drank a little alcohol and found out that I don't like the
way it makes me feel since surgery. However, there is nothing wrong with
having a few drinks every now and then. Not any one of us is perfect in the
way we eat or drink after surgery, if we were then we would have never had
to have this surgery to begin with. God Bless!!
— Sillyguts
August 25, 2008
I just happened to read this post on my "daily digest" in my
email. I want to apologize for anyone that did not treat you with respect.
Yes, "newbies" come in all the time and do tend to ask the same
questions over and over. This is one reason that I think it would be a
really good idea to have a forum for difficulties after the surgery, like
the hair loss. This is usually caused by a vitamin deficiency. Your body is
not only by-passing the food, but also the nutrition and natural vitimins
that are in it. You can combat this with taking your vitamins EVERY DAY. I
have also heard of alot of people taking biotin as well.
I have to say that I do not agree with drinking alcohol after surgery.
Okay, maybe when you are at least 6 months out and having a drink once in a
while, I can see that. However, if you are going to sit back every weekend
and knock back a six pack or more than just a couple of mixed drinks, or
whatever, that is a problem. You are sabotaging your "tool". Of
course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, the problem comes when
someone that people know is drinking on a regular basis, then comes in and
says "I'm not losing weight, how come??". That frustrates people.
If you don't follow your doctor's instructions and do what is absolutely
the best for your body, you will not achieve optimum results. After
all....there was no beer or vodka in the Garden of Eden, right?
— anitak
August 26, 2008
Thank you for your comments, at six months out I consider myself a newbie
but have seen the same questions asked over and over, but you know - if
we're repeating the questions maybe it's because we share the same
concerns. And it is so helpful to ask for help here. My
family/friends/coworkers have all been very supportive, but if they haven't
been through this, they just can't help me with certain things. Oh and I
have noticed that emails & postings can come across as rude or scolding
just by their nature, a lot of times I get a rude email at work but when I
call the person to talk the same words come across differently because
their tone makes all the difference. We have to work harder at being
polite when writing. And I do "cheat" occasionally, a few times
went overboard and found out what that does to me and that's how I'm
learning what will work for me. My eating habits are much improved and now
I'm learning some balance, how much and how often can I treat myself and
still get healthier. Thanks again for your comments fellow newbie
— Susan C.
Click Here to Return