Question:
Have any of you ever been afraid that your children will be obese?
My husband & I have both had RNY--and both lost over 200 pounds! I am scared to death of my children (have a 8 month old and another on the way) being overweight or obese! I do not allow my 8 month old to have any table food--but ofcourse everyone wants to feed it to her and make me feel bad for not shoving donuts/cookies/hotfudge in her face! Some lady jumped on me at wal-mart because I said she couldn't have the free icecream sample? Anyone else feel the same way as me? Also my husband's older children are all overweight and his oldest daughter (age 27) just had the surgery also.... Is it wrong of me to be cautious? Will my kids be overweight no matter what I do? Does anyone have any suggestions? — GAYLE CARMACK-LYONS (posted on June 6, 2007)
June 5, 2007
I think that you are in the right direction. My husband and I both have had
the surgery. I had the RNY 9 months ago and my husband had lap-band 1 month
ago. We have a 4 year old and she does not have a weight problem yet but
both my husband and I were worried she would but now that we have had the
surgery we are not as concerned. We have healthy meals, don't keep any junk
food in the house, puddings and jello's are all sugar free. She still gets
to have "treats" of ice cream, m&m's and chips but on a very
limited basis. And because we are now more active and we do it as a family
we know that she is getting the exercise she needs. You have taken the
right step for you and if your kids follow your lead with how they eat you
should be good.
— Lost4Ever
June 6, 2007
Please don't be too paranoid or over cautious about this weight thing.
Some genetics are involved but if your kids are happy, active and learn
healthy eating habits they will do o.k..
But remember we all make choices as we grow up and you will not be able to
stop the kids from having junk food when out with friends, at parties, or
just wondering around the mall so, teaching them to eat it in moderation is
the key. I found as soon as I said no to pop, chips, baked goods, all the
rest, they would have it in secret anyway.
I ended up at times looking like the food police and we all know that is
not a fun position to be in.
There is no knowing if they will be thin or fat but what ever the case love
them and support what ever needs to be or not be done in the future.
Remember these early years are very short, enjoy your children while they
are young they grow up way to fast.
My eight kids are now grown, two have a problem as they see it with about
20 lbs that keeps going up and down the rest are all fine with their
weight. I guess them watching my battle has made them more able to watch
for weight gain. Now if any of my children in the future need the surgery
I've had, I will be there to support them all the way.
Relax and enjoy your babies.
— Bee
June 6, 2007
My daughter just turned 13, but she saw all my struggles with my weight and
my co-morbidities. I warned her after the surgery her eating habits would
change as well. I don't think she realized how hard that was. I still
allowed her "treats" (only after dinner) as they will find a way
to get them if denied, however, I only allowed the "serving size"
listed on the package they came in. I taught her to look at the calories,
carbs, and protein. She hated this at first, but it only took about 2
weeks to realize this is how it is going to go whether she likes it or not.
I allowed her a trip to mcdonalds, showing her that as long as she had
just a small soda and a small fries (along with her chicken sandwhich) and
that she needed to eat it slow and savor the taste not shove it in without
thinking. I also told her that because she had this, she would NEED to do
crunches or exercise because she took in carbs and calories not needed.
She had no problem with this. One month post op when I was cleared for any
kind of exercise I wanted, I pulled out my basic tae bo tapes and started
in with those. Day 2, she asked if she could do it with me. I was
overjoyed! In 3 weeks, she lost over 2 inches off her waist and all her
clothes were big on her. I kept telling her over and over that that was
because of the tae bo, and didn't she feel better, and how awesome she
looked etc. She was amazed. So allow treats ONCE in a while, or teach
them that they need to exercise if they allow it every night etc. You will
do fine, as they will also pick up on seeing how ya'll now eat. As far as
the lady that jumped on you at wal mart, it is no one elses business what
you teach your children. If it happens again, tell them to keep their
comments to themselves as you are not interested and walk away. There are
always going to be idiots out there that don't like change. Congrats on the
weight loss, and keep smiling!
— crystalsno
June 6, 2007
It is perfectly okay to allow your children to enjoy the good things in
life. However, use your experience to teach them moderation of foods ie..
portion sizes, salads or green vegetables/fruits with all meals, no bread
if you are going to have dessert. If you are too strict then your children
have higher rates of developing anorexia or bullimia. Also keep your
children active in sports or family walks. Hope this helps.
— DonnaRichards
June 6, 2007
Honey, don't you dare let anyone else make you feel guilty for how you feed
your children, ESPECIALLY AN 8 MONTH OLD!!!!! My daughter is 7 and I worry
all the time. She has a litle tiny pooch on her stomach and I've talked,
just a little bit, about fatty and sugary foods and how they can make us
fat. I have shown her pictures of me when I was obese and she just can't
believe how big I was. Of course she loves junk food, but I've been good
about keeping healthy foods around that she also likes and when she asks
for a second serving and something bad I remind her about getting fat and I
mention other obese children in her class and she usually decides to eat
something healthy OR sometimes she even decides that she isn't hungry but
just BORED... I was a bored eater and it looks like she is too. By the
way, several years ago, children under the age of 1 never ate anything
other than their mother's breat milk, so don't you dare let some lady get
you upset because you dont let her eat the ice cream. My daughter didn't
eat anything from the table until aftetr she was a year old and then it was
things like green beans. Yes, obesity can very well be genetic, and it can
be learned, or both. So teach your children how to eat right by example.
You don't have to keep all fats and sweets from them, but teach them
moderation. But they don't need to be introduced to those kinds of foods
until way past their first birthday. Think about the kids who live solely
on their mothers breast milk until age 2!!! It is very healthy for
children. I'm not saying you have to breast feed until then, but just
making you aware that many children have thrived on nothing but milk until
toddler age. Sounds like you are moving in the right direction with your
children. It is obvious you love your children and want what is only best
for them, their health!!! - Jennifer D.
— JGDugar
June 6, 2007
I know I too am deathly afraid that my 3 year old son is going to be obese
just like his mother, & I must say, that is my biggest fear for him
right now. He is a "big" three,,,he's over 3 feet tall &
about 45 pounds, which for his age, is off the "chart" or so to
say, but he hardly eats!!!!!!!! & of course he does want the popcorn,
lollypops, etc but I only allow them in moderation. I am haivng this
surgery for him, just as much as myself. I am teaching him really really
really bad eating habits right now, he sees me eating from the moment we
get home from work, to the 1st snack after dinner, to the 2nd snack after
dinner, etc,,,,,& then he goes to bed. He must think that is what we
do, get home & eat, eat, eat until we go to bed. I won't be having
surgery until much closer to the end of this year, if not even next year,
so I am changing some things now, but when I am post-op & eating only a
bite or 2 of this & that, it will be alot easier to demonstrate better
eating habits. I don't want him to live the life of torment that I have
lived, dually, I don't want him to BE tormented because his mother is
"fat"--kids are cruel. Hell, he just said to me over the
weekend, "your my big mama"--which he was so proud of-he doesn't
know,,,but who told him that,,,I don't use the "big & fat"
words in front of him!!! This surgery for ME will save my whole family,
which is my son & I!!!!!!
— [Deactivated Member]
June 6, 2007
I have not had surgery yet, hoping it will not be long. My mother had the
bypass 2 years ago and my grandmother has been obese for years, as well as
many other relatives. Obviously, because there seems to be a genetic
connection, I am concerned for my children. My 14 year old is like my side
of the family, short and she is a nice size now, but so was i at her age.
My 11 year old is like my husband's side of the family, tall and skinny.
Although i want both my children to be conscious of what they eat and of
their weight, i do not try to point it out much. My dad did growing up and
made me very paranoid of it. For a while, it made me keep my weight in
check, but after having my children and gaining most of my weight, it just
made me have a bad self image and i felt i couldn't feel good about me if i
gained some weight, like it made me less of a person. So i think you can
over-emphasize on it. I am hoping that after i have the surgery i will be
able to share healthy eating habits with my family and it will be a team
effort. But as far as the ice cream, if you don't indulge them in it at an
early age, they are more likely to develop a love for the more healthy
choices and it won't be foreign to them if they do have a weight problem
later on in life. Good Luck!
— slynn33
June 6, 2007
I think you have the right to worry. I am about to have my surgry and i
pray that my kids dont have to go threw what i have goen threw. It it
customery for us not to let our children eat table food until they are over
a year old, so i never had to worry about that. but i do try to get my kids
to eat fruits and weggis as much as possiable. it may be hard, but you must
try. sometimes though no matter what they eat they may becomes overwight it
is genetic. but youcant think of that. good luck and dont worry to much,
you will have about a million other things to worry about that are not
weight
— marygriego
June 6, 2007
I agree with Amy -- they should be treated as "treats" and not a
mainstay in the house. Although I'm not a parent, I'd suggest not being
too over-protective. The 8 month old should not be eating table foods and
I think starting them off with what we now know is healthy eating -- she
will be fine.
Growing up, we had ice cream in the house all the time; however, we weren't
allowed to eat it everyday nor two days in a row. It was a treat every
couple of days. What got me growing up was Mama's homemade biscuits --
Lawdy, lawdy -- and hamburgers and french fries (both homemade). I was
raised on a farm so we always had plenty of beef and potatoes.
— the7thdean
June 6, 2007
Please be really careful with this subject. I speak from experience. My
parents were so afraid that I would be fat like my father's side of the
family that they controlled the food. Please Please Please just love your
kids and educate them on good nutrition. But it is only human to want what
you can't have. I have spent many a days wondering how to approach food
with my 2 boys. I am learning as I go but I ask my 5 year old when he
wants cookies or a treat what he thinks is reasonable. I try and let him
be the "boss" of the amount. He usually decides on an amount
that I would have given him anyway. I think this allows him to be in
"control" and help decide what and how much.
I hope this helps. I was the only one in my family with a weight problem
and part of me still blames my parents for creating such a stigma around
food. We always had to ask permission before we ate anything.
— laketahoe_mom
June 6, 2007
No it's not wrong to be cautious but remember that eventually you will have
to feed your baby more than just bottles/or breastmilk and baby food..it's
the process that we all had to go through. Just lead by example, provide
health choices and limit the treats. I agree with some of the other posts
that if you totally forbid the treats(sugar), it can become a real problem.
So take caution here too. Research has shown that it is important to watch
what your children eat in the first few years because if their fat gene
gets turned on prior to them turning three, they most likely will become
overweight adults. So it is important to watch their weight gain in those
first three years which your pedication should be doing along with you.
Good Luck and Congratulations on choosing a better life for you and your
family.
— jpcal
June 6, 2007
Hey, it's me the Oldest Daughter, lol, but I agree with what most everyone
else said on here. I think you are doing the right thing with Peanut, like
someone else said, she is only 8 months old, she doesnt need all that stuff
right now. But someone else brought up a point of later on in life she
will find ways to get things that are "off limits". So again
like someone else said, allow certain things only as treats and just teach
her the right way to eat and live and be healthy. She will have a lot of
support from you, me and daddy, we all have been through the surgery now
and none of us want her to go through what we all did. So to sum this all
up, you are doing the right thing, but eventually she will taste ice-cream
or chips, but she will have to learn that those things are not good for you
and should rarely be consumed and only in moderation. Love ya
— StacyL79
June 6, 2007
I haven't read all the responses -- I'm sure they are all great! People on
this board are sincere and thoughtful and really do care about each other.
In case it hasn't been said, I just want to add that based on you and your
DH's genetics, your baby is probably going to have issues with weight.
This has been proven statistically. The very best thing that you can do is
teach her to LOVE herself in spite of what she looks like. Teach her that
who she is comes from within. Teach her that she can handle ANYTHING that
life throws at her. All the proper food/exercise habits are great -- but
in spite of your (and her) best efforts, she may still end up obese or even
morbidly obese. Being cautious with her diet is prudent... teaching her
who she really is and that she is valuable is really the most important
thing.
— [Deactivated Member]
June 6, 2007
Wow--I have gotten some great responses to my question!! Thanks all. I am
aware that whatever I do may still result in my kids having weight
issues--and I want you all to know I will love them anyway--NO MATTER what
they look like! I was treated badly all my life because of my size--and
that is what I am trying for them to avoid--I would never inflict that upon
them at home! Thanks again!
— GAYLE CARMACK-LYONS
June 7, 2007
It's good to know what caused your hubby and you to become obese in the
first place. That way you can remove that pitfall for your children. I
have three kids ages 7,5,and 4 and they are not overweight and I don't
intend on them being. This might have already said before.. I didn't read
all the responses.. but don't make food the enemy with your kids. When we
are shopping and my kids want the high sugar cereal I tell them that it's
not good for our bodies. Not.. "That will make you fat and
unhealthy" See the difference? Show them that food is fuel and not
comfort. For me I got obese because of eating for comfort and boredom.
Since you both had surgery you know that your life no longer flows around
'what are we going to eat next'?
My parents cared about me being a overweight child but they used negative
aspects to curb my eating rather then positive and it backfired. I didn't
get dessert with my siblings because I was on a diet. (I was 11). So I
translated that into... I'm not good enough to have dessert. Teaching
your children portion control is good too. My oldest has a huge appetite
and I worry about him.. but if I keep giving him healthy options I believe
he should be ok. They still have pizza and ice-cream every once in a
while. But we don't ever have soda or sugar snacks in the house. Those
things they get at other people's homes. It's right to be worried.... I
know I am. But all I can do is teach by example and not make food a huge
deal. I don't want my kids counting calories and fat grams like I did as a
child. I want them to just simply prefer a apple over a doughnut because
it makes them feel better in the long run.
Sorry for going on and on.. hope that helps. I remember when someone
tried to feed my 9 month old daughter (who was still exclusively nursing at
the time) Pepsi and chocolate cake. I didn't see it, but my husband did
and yelled at the lady. The lady herself was well over 400 lbs and saw
nothing wrong with it. My husband doesn't have a weight problem and has
taught me a lot about how 'skinny people' eat too. Don't let people like
the Wal-Mart lady bother you. They didn't give birth to your children..
you did and you have every right to freak out at will accordingly!!! :)
Teach moderation, health, and that food is fuel not comfort and I know
you'll do great!! That's my plan and I'm sticking to it!
-Shakeira
— Hisdove
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