Question:
I am almost 5 mo post op down 115 lbs I have noticed that my supposed best
friend is always making catty remarks! I have always had a pretty face so is it she is afraid of me looking better? she has a weight problem not a big one but its there! her remarks really hurt me I am not a mean person there is things about her I could bag on but I never would( like her dog face! sorry just my hurt feeling here)just curious if any other ladys are going through this and how to handle it! thanks! — gerirose C. (posted on March 18, 2002)
March 18, 2002
This is your time to do good things for yourself and to be around people
who support you and don't make snide, catty comments. Just stop talking to
her. Sure you may lose one friend, but in the long run it will be healthier
for you. Congratulations on your weight loss. :D
— Heather M.
March 18, 2002
I would say to define what a best friend is to you... and if what she
doesn't measure up to your standards... let her go... I consider myself
lucky... my friends are so happy for me and very supportive of my weight
loss... Don't settle for less... and remember you always have us :-)
— California J.
March 18, 2002
Next time she makes a catty remark ask her if she's trying to hurt and why?
Maybe if you call it to her attention she'll be ashamed and realize she's
putting your frienship in jeporady.
— Candace F.
March 18, 2002
Gerirose, have you ever noticed that some people pick friends who are
larger than them or possibly not as good looking as them for a reason? It
makes them feel better. They get all the attention and the larger person
makes them feel smaller. Well, you have changed the dynamics of your
relationship by having this surgery. It's time to redefine what this
friendship means to you and what you both want out of it. "If"
it was only convenient for her before, you will soon know this. Possibly
you both got something out of the relationship before you had surgery. You
had a friend who was accepting of you (which we all need) and she had
someone whom she felt physically superior to. It might have been something
you both needed at the time but have now outgrown. Or...it might just be
that she has to adjust to the changes in you because, admit it or not, once
we lose the weight, we all change alittle bit. Good luck to you and have
patience with her...you had the surgery, she didn't.
— Barbara H.
March 18, 2002
She is probably jealous as you have said. For the past two months, whenever
someone I care about says or does anything wrong I tell them that their
words or actions are hurting me. I go on to explain how and why. I then ask
why they are doing this. It usually boils down to the fact that they ARE
having a difficult time with the rapid changes in my looks and personality.
I have to admit that I am also acting a little witchy myself. I am like the
PMS poster child since surgery. I refuse to take any crap that I would take
in stride when I wasn't feeling so good about myself. I also have raging
hormones.
I agree that we all should sever relationships that are nothing more than
negative and destructive in our lives. But, we should take care to
carefully identify which relationships are bad and which are merely in
transition to improved healthy ones. I personally did not have the surgery
to lose all of my friends and loved ones along with the pounds!
— Julie S.
July 14, 2002
I am 8 weeks post-op, down 80 pounds and having very similar problems with
my closest friend. I think she enjoyed me being heavy and enjoyed getting
more attention from men than I did when we went out. Now that the tables
are slowly turning, she's not coping so well. I have distanced myself from
her because her comments have been so hurtful and negative that I've
decided I don't need that/her in my life. This surgery is about
concentrating on me and my health and if she were truly a friend, she'd be
thrilled for me. I have confronted her about being mean to me and asked
her why she is treating me rudely, but she can't admit how she's feeling
and denies being catty and snippy. I guess along with the 80 pounds I've
lost, I've lost another 200 pounds in her.
— Pamela D.
July 19, 2002
i have had the same problem... i am 8 almost 9 months postop and i have a
friend that says little things that make me mad and hurt me... i wiegh 5
lbs more than her and not to be mean but i look better from what people
tell me. yeah i have the loose skin and there are things that i can bag on
her about (like her bird nose), but i dont because I KNOW it will hurt her,
but sometimes i wish people could keep thier comments to themselfs.
— gina6one9
September 9, 2002
I have had problems similar to the one you posted. It seems the better
looking I get, the more catty they become. I have spent too many years
covered with clothes that are baggy, and avoiding going out because I was
ashamed of the way I looked. It's our time to live it up. Our time to
wear pretty clothes, and be proud of ourselves for our accomplishments. Do
NOT let anyone ever drag you down. We have come to far for that...
— denaa
September 9, 2002
time to get a new best friend, girl. I spent too many years surrounding
myself with the catty ones -- I'm blessed to now have a core of girlfriends
(none with dog faces, I'd like to add) who are thrilled for me, who come to
support groups, and who have started putting aside their "fat
clothes" (i.e., size 12-14; can you imagine???) for me on my way down,
and who cannot WAIT to take me shopping. You are a strong, beautiful
woman. Surround yourself with people like you. :)
— Tamara K.
September 10, 2002
I am having surgery next week, and the comments are already beginning. My
very best friend mad a comment that she does not want to become the
"fat" friend. I couldn't believe she said that, and at a
gathering of several close friends! I keep reminding her that I am doing
this for my health, not my looks. She is married and has a very good life.
I am a single mother, have not dated in 13 years, but have a very full
life. I'm sure some of it is jealousy in anticipation of the weight loss.
She is overweight, but the typical amount for a woman in her 40's. I have
talked to her about this, and she backs off, but I can see that our close
relationship will change once I begin to lose the weight.
— beryl
September 11, 2002
Wow, what a hot topic! as you can see by all the responses, you are not
alone in this. I have 30lbs more to go till goal, and already i am thinking
i will have trouble with one of my good friends. We are 3 good friends, and
#2 just decided to have surgery after seeing my results. she is scheduled
for oct 1!!!!! but #3 is starting with catty remarks. things like telling
#2 "im worried about #1, she eats more then ME!" and stupid
things like that along with saying I took the easy way out, etc, etc. I
remember a line i read here on the site and i use it alot when people say
that about the easy way. I just say Then arent i smart for taking the easy
way! Good luck to you, im sure you know true friendhip always wins
out....and also, i am finding people in my family jealous not so much of
the weightloss itself, but of the proposed permanence of it. My daughter
keeps saying, WOW, you will never gain it back, you are so lucky while i
will have to watch my weight forever.
— robyn R.
Click Here to Return