Question:
Is there a high divorce rate among people who have the gastric bypass?
How do young children adjust to mommy or daddy losing so much weight so fast? I know most people will look like a different person after a 100 lb weight loss. I think it could be a little scarry for a kid between the ages of 2 - 6 to see their parent change so drastically. — jennifer S. (posted on March 30, 2004)
March 29, 2004
Hi--I don't have little kids, so I can't say I have any authority for this,
but when my kids were little, I noticed that they have a remarkable
capacity for accepting things at face value. Mommy is Mommy, no matter if
she's dressed to the nines, or just getting out of bed. They will accept
your weight loss with the same equanimity that you do. And when we become
healthy, and happy, they just love it, and soon forget we were ever
anything else. Even my 10 year old tells me that she can barely remember
when I "used to look like that". Good luck!
— AmyL
March 29, 2004
My kids are 4 and 2 and I am amazed that they can't tell the difference - I
had open rny last year. I am just mommy. They can point me out in old
photos every time. I ask them if I look different and the 4 year old says
"no way". Good thing I can tell the difference :)
— Sara L.
March 29, 2004
I don't think the rate is any higher amoung post-ops than it is for the
general public (~50%). I've read here that good marriages get better, but
bad ones get worse and that's when divorce comes up. My husband is totally
fantastic - no stupid jealousy tantrums or control freakiness, etc. Me
being me, I would not stand for that kind of crap. I personally think the
advice some women here give about how to deal with a jealous husband is BS
- why is it us that always have to bend over backward to try to accomodate
their insecurities??
<p>
OK, sorry to go off on a tangent like that!! I don't have little ones, but
they are pretty adaptable. My cousin has older girls and they were totally
cool with her weight loss. I think even younger ones will deal just fine.
— Ali M
March 29, 2004
My kids have adjusted fine (4 & 6) The 6 y/o keeps saying "now
that you are low-fat we can go to the pool" It's kinda funny.
304/193/150
— Pupcake !.
March 29, 2004
I've lost about 125 pounds in the last year, and my now 4 year old son has
never commented on any of it. He recognizes me from previous pictures,
doesn't think I look different - I'm just mamma. I had open RNY and it was
difficult for him to adjust to my healing period, but he was a little
trooper, and daddy helped out more than I could ever thank him for. My son
likes to look at my scar now and wonders why daddy doesn't have one, too!
Kids are great and adaptable - and very self-absorbed. My guess is that
most young kids don't even notice the incredible shrinking parents! Good
luck! Open RNY 3-20-03 326/201/165
— vittycat
March 29, 2004
My kids now say that they cannot remember me fat and when I show them
photos they say that I never looked like that. As quick as it is, it's also
gradual enough for them to adjust. I have known a couple of women with
overweight daughters who took it much harder than any of the littler kids.
I have heard that the divorce rate is 50% post op which is high for such a
small group.
— Carol S.
March 29, 2004
I am 18 months post op and I have a 9 year old daughter who is also
overweight. She has recently started having a problem with my weight loss.
I have lost 105 lbs and I think this is pretty much all I will lose but
she says I'm not the same mommy. Just this morning she told me that she
liked the other me better, that I looked better then than I do now. I told
her I was still the same person but she still has a hard time with it.
— THE NEW M.
March 29, 2004
I agree with a previous poster. I think that having the surgery can just
bring out the best or worst in a marriage. My marriage did break up after
gastric bypass, but I am not so sure that was the catalyst. My ex had other
problems which included alcoholism and cheating among a few. I think that
the real problem was that I chose a mate that I knew was not the optimum
for me due to my lack of confidence. I am a lot different woman now and the
weight loss has helped me blossom into the confident person I now am.
— missmollyk
March 30, 2004
My son is 11 now and is noticing the difference in the kind of clothing I
wear. Funny thing is, when we go shopping at the mall, he does not love
when I look in the Victoria's Secret window and tells me that's not my kind
of thing to be wearing. I guess to boys their moms shouldn't wear such
stuff. He tells me though, that he loves being able to hug me now, and
looks back at my old pictures and does say he likes the way I look now,
much better. As for my marriage, it has not changed. My husband loves to
go shopping with me, and likes to see me buy nice clothing. He just picked
out an evening gown for me to wear to a family function next month---the
only one NOT on the sale rack at Bloomie's. He sees that I am happy and I
think that makes him happy, too. I consider myself one of the lucky
ones!!!
— Fixnmyself
March 30, 2004
I agree with Molly about the divorce situation - that it's probably more
about who you married when your self-confidence was lower. Otherwise, I
think the weight loss could make a marriage stronger, with the right
person.
And I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old. My son (4) does notice the loss,
but hasn't said anything, except for the time I asked if my tummy was
smaller. He, on the other hand, is trying to get his tummy bigger so he
can grow! My daughter (2) doesn't notice, except she tells everyone we
meet that Mommy has a big boo-boo. I think she can relate more to that
than the weight loss.
— Dragonfly2B2
March 30, 2004
I don't have any children, but have a lot of post-op friends with children
and none of them have brought up any big issues with the weight
loss.<br><br>
But... being the child of a woman who yo-yo dieted for decades was very
hard as an obese child. It was a struggle to learn and understand what was
proper nutrition and how I should eat. I dieted my entire life, and never
really understood what I was doing wrong when I couldn't lose weight for a
long period of time... and just gained more back. I wish now that the
surgery was possible for my mom when I was a kid, so that I would've
learned better nutrition and fitness, instead of bizarre eating habits and
setting myself up for failure. I am so thankful that at least I have done
this for myself... but most of my family still does not understand what it
means to have a healthy dietary/fitness lifstyle and continues on the yo-yo
diet path.
— kultgirl
March 31, 2004
I have a 3 year old daughter and she has never said any thing about the
weight loss 121 pounds so far and she still knows its me in pictures at a
higher weight
— Cindi A.
March 31, 2004
I would say that since my kids and husband see me every day, they really
don't see the changes as rapidly as someone who I don't live with or see
regularly. I know that they love to do things with me more now. And just
this weekend, my middle daughter, who is 7, came up behind me and gave me a
hug and her little arms fit all the way around my waist. I almost cried,
but I didn't say anything. It was just a good moment.
— TracyInTheZoo
April 2, 2004
my son was 4 when I had surgery, and has only made two comments on my
weight lose. One day he grabbed my cheeks and said "Mommy where did
your cheeks go" and "Mommy's big tummy is gone" This is
after a 200+ lbs weight lose. He doen't seem to notice the weight lose, I
guess at that age they are still focusing on the person not the appearance.
— Laurie B.
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