Question:
How is my husband going to react?
My husband has been extremely supportive of me in everything I do and whenever we've faced adversity (both our father's died, financial problems, miscarriage, etc.) he's been a rock. Now, he's never known me thin. When I met him I was 228 lbs and now I'm 250. He loves me the way I am but I think he's worried that once I'm thin I won't want him anymore. Has anyone ever dealt with this issue? And any guys out there? What's it like from a guys perspective? I think we have a strong marriage. We are best friends as well as spouses, so I don't think we're going to get divorced but I am worried that he's going to worry..lol. He says he will be fine and he believes me when I tell him I love him and would never leave him. I married him for life. So, what do you all think? Cathy — jenlaur1 (posted on July 31, 2002)
July 31, 2002
When we (men) first meet a woman we are phyically attracted to her. Shallow
aren't we!! After the first 6 months I guess we learn to love the person
and become friends. If your husband has been with you through thick he will
be with you thin ;) !! Good Lux
— Robert L.
July 31, 2002
hi there i met my hubby when i was 190 lbs weve both grown through the
years i grew to 370 omg! the pressure was never on by him for me to lose
weight he thinks im beautiful inside and out regardless of my weight he
has been very supportive through ou this whole thing i had open rny on feb
8 02 so my journey isnt over yet he only confessed after surgery how scared
he was that something may go wrong but he didnt want it to effect my
decision as supportive as he is i hear on occassion that ill probably find
someone new when the weight comes off my cousin had open rny on march 25
and she hears the same thing at times so this must be common i think its
such a huge change for everybody involved and it maybe they are just
feeling like wow if so much has changed what else is ganna best of luck
to you and i hope a;; is well
— carrie M.
July 31, 2002
Cathy, Communication is the key. It is important that you reassure your
husband. You should also ask him open ended questions that allows him to
think about this and them express his feelings. Be open with him about his
feelings and explore the possibilities together. The mor the two of you
discuss it, the more confident both of you will be. It is nearly
immpossible to over communicate, so talk and ask questions often like
"How will you feel when....."Let him know it is okay to have
those fears and to express those fears. Only though open and honest
discussion can you both reach a healthy comfort level.
— Lisa G.
July 31, 2002
From what I understand, if your marriage is stong before WLS, it gets even
better. If there were problems in your marriage pre-WLS, then there are
going to be more issues post-op. I have heard that the divorce rate is
high among the WLS crowd, but that is not what I have observed. I have
been on this site daily for 18 months and I have only seen a few with
marital problems. It would be nice to have some sort of survey on here. I
only know of a few that have been separated/divorced in our support group
at the hospital. And that is out of over 100 people. So, my conclusion is
either the rate is lower than they say, or I just don't know the ones
having marital problems. Since your marriage is strong now, you really
don't have anything to worry about. He will probably enjoy this journey as
much as you!
— Cheri M.
July 31, 2002
My husband too never knew me thin...he has always known me as a
heavy/overweight woman. And he loved the previous packaging. And he loves
the "new" packaging too. He loves the "vivacious and
active" new wife he has. He's thrilled to walk around with me
now...he's always been very very thin his whole life and we used to joke
that it was like "jack sprat and his wife"...but laughing on the
outside and crying on the inside...because I knew and he knew that people
were joking and making comments behind our backs---aahhh...but who is
laughing all the way to the scale now? We are!! He loves the new me...he
loved the old me...basically...he loves me...it's only a different wrapper
now LOL
Good luck!!
~CAE~
— Mustang
July 31, 2002
Hi Cathy, I think you are dealing with a prefectly normal husband. My
husband has been very supportive in all this. However, now that the weight
loss is showing he has said almost the same statement. We sat down and
talked about it. One point I made to him was if my heart wanted to find
someone else I could have done it at my old weight. There are web sites and
personal ads devoted to men who prefer large size woman. I think it is one
of those men are from mars and women are from venus things. Continue to be
best friends and lovers and you will be find.
— Cheryl S.
July 31, 2002
I think you and your hubby will be fine. But if things do happen or he says
things that seem out of character for him allow him the slips. I only say
this because Ron and I have been married for 9 yrs. He has NEVER mentioned
my weight b4 EVER. He loves me for me. Well the other night we were having
a tiff and he actually called me FAT ASS. I am still so hurt I cant even
begin to tell you. I know we will get past this and I have to think it
comes from me losing 64 pounds in 10 weeks. But it still stung like no
other! :( Just try to be understanding.... Good Luck!~CM
— Sassy M.
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