Question:
Husband prefers chubby women
My husband REALLY prefers chubby women. Every woman he ever dated was chunky. When I show him before and after pictures on this site he always likes the befores. I know this seems crazy. I personally have never been attracted to an overweight man. But I was wondering if anyone else has had this sort of a problem with their spouse. He actually told me he would miss my "gumbo pot" (that is Louisiana cajun slang for tummy). We have a strong marriage and I am having the surgery because I have seen so many women in my family battle morbid obesity and lose. But what if it affects our relationship?!? To me it would seem like sex has to be better... its like you have a giant peice of styrofoam in between you and your lover when you are obese during sex. Opinions please! — kjonhjk (posted on April 9, 2003)
April 9, 2003
My husband also prefers larger women. When I first started researching wls
and wanted to pursue it I sat down with him and had a long talk about how
this would possibly change our relationship. I sure wanted to get healthy
but at the cost of my marriage might have been extreme. To make a long
story short he was completely frank about his feelings. He loved me any
size I was and wanted me to love myself. He says a confident woman is the
sexiest woman around. I'm 2 months post-op and down 50lbs. so far. My
advise is really press your hubby for his true feelings, I'm sure he will
be supportive and then go for it.
— Kathy C.
April 9, 2003
There's a HUGE different between chubby and obese! We are have our
preferences, but I'm sure your husband will love you either way. Discuss
this with him and if it ever seems to be a problem, seek counseling before
it ruins your relationship. You are doing the right thing by making the
decision to ward off the effects of morbid obesity. Some relationships end
in divorce, but then "Everyone comes into your life for a reason, a
season, or a lifetime." Much success!
— Starrlina
April 9, 2003
My husband is also the type of person who likes a woman with "meat on
their bones" as he puts it. When I told him of my decision to have
this surgery and why, he totally supported me and said he would love me no
matter what size. He said he would rather have me around for another 40-50
years rather than have me die in 10 from a stroke or heart attack. As far
as the sex part, I'm only 2 1/2 months postop and I can tell you, it's
already better! You dont feel like youre going to suffocate when he lays
on you. So if it's better already just think how it will be about a year
postop! Good Luck to You!
— Kris T.
April 9, 2003
of course, you also have to think of it from this perspective. my husband
prefers thinner women, but he loved me and made me feel attractive no
matter how obese I got. Remember that it's you he loves not your size. And
since he does love you your health should be a primary concern for BOTH of
you. :)
— sheltie
April 9, 2003
I have often wondered about this same issue. No matter what the husband
says, you always wonder if they are still looking at something other than
you. I think we are all a litte insecure to some degree because of comments
and ideas that we hear men making. For some reason, men(not our mates) are
comfortable talking with us openly and extensively about other
relationships and some of their less than pleasant ideas about women. But,
I also wonder what is the changes that come about after surgery in our sex
lives? I told one of my co-workers about my decision and his response was
"You know your vagina is gonna get bigger once you lose all that
weight?" I had no words for him. For one, I did not know what to say
and two that was totally out of line and unexpected. So, now that is
something else that I wonder about.
— Diana D.
April 9, 2003
I can understand that you might be concerned about this. And I agree with
the other posters that you and hubby need to have a couple good
heart-to-hearts. You are doing this for your health. I'm sure he will be
supportive of that angle. Also, if you show him some of the posts on here
about how much better sex is, he may be even more in favor of it! LOL I
know it sounds silly maybe, but my hubby is a "boob" man, and I
know he's concerned about "the girls" shrinking (I am too). I
think he wants me thinner, but with the bigger boobs. I told him he
probably can't have it both ways!! Maybe I'll be able to afford PS on them
down the road. But, the bottom line is he knows how much I need this for
my health now and in the future, and is supporting me for that reason.
Good luck to you both!
— Carlita
April 9, 2003
My husband knows I have always liked big men. I always said I didnt want to
have to defend him in a dark alley. He always said he does not like super
model skinny woman, but me being 213 7 months ago, I was far from super
model thin (I am only 5'). So 2 weeks ago he makes a comment like you are
looking HOT,and I knew that even thow he NEVER said anything bad to me when
I was heavy, he prefers a little thinner ME. Take care. open RNY 9/02 was
213 now 138.
— April G.
April 10, 2003
My husband also prefers heavier females. He didn't think I needed to loose
weight. We spoke about this and he assured me he thought this was best for
me. My health has improved tremendously and he says he loves me at any
size. He also tells me how beautiful I am very frequently. He gives me
200% support. He always tells me how proud he is of me and how great I am
doing. Our relationship has only gotten stronger.
— Sharon F.
April 10, 2003
This is an interesting question :) Diana D. what you said about the vagina
made me laugh out loud! Vagina's don't get bigger when we lose weight! Just
goes to show you how much men really know about female anatomy.
Do our men say they prefer bigger women because we are big or have they
always been attracted to the 'Rubenesque' look? My husband had a 1st wife
who was a petite, blond, pretty, insecure basket case. He was divorced from
her about a year when we met and he had dated a bit before meeting me. It
was a blind date. What attracted him to me was my confidence, sence of
humour, independance and red hair. My 250 lbs 5'4" body was never an
issue for him. We had great sex and got along really well. After we got
married and had a son, I gained weight and am now 300lbs. He has not
withdrawn from me, I have withdrawn from him sexually. I feel ugly now. I
have explained this to him and he says that to him I am not ugly, he loves
me for the woman I am. He tries to understand what it is like for me to
feel the way I do and all he wants is for me to feel better about myself.
We haven't had sex in quite a while due to me feeling emotionally and
physically uncomfortable but we are still afectionate and loving toward
each other. I am waiting for my surgery date now. For me it's about
health, fitness and lifestyle changes for the better. For him it's about
my happiness and an improvement on how I feel about myself. I am truly
looking forward to the day when I can confidantly jump his bones properly
:)
— mary ann T.
April 10, 2003
The only advise I have to give is to advice him that the sex is better- so
it's all worth it! lol We're skinnier and more nimble I think, so can do
more. :-) But your husband married you for you. Just as we would not want
someone to marry us b/c we're thin (and what happens when we get fat) we'd
not want to get married b/c we're heavy. Same thing- just not as common.
Goodluck to you
— Lezlie Y.
April 10, 2003
My husband is the same way. I just remind him of my "thinner"
day (back around 230-240) and how much more "active" I was. All
his girl friends were chubby, not fat. They most certainly would not need
surgery! But I figure I'll never be thin...so no worries.
— Renee B.
April 10, 2003
I dont have a husband, but a long term BF who was the same way about my
having surgery. He loves me "fat" and didnt want me to have
surgery no matter what. But through the last 2 years of seeing me battle
with all the doctors and the insurance companies, has come to realize and
accept that I need to do this for me and my health. It is not just about
cosmetic looks and fitting into a size 6...It is about being able to walk
pain-free and being around for another 40-50+ years. We have been talking
about starting a family for a while now and when the doctor looked at him
and said that I am in no condition to get pregnant in my current health
status-I think that helped wake him up to. It didnt hurt that I told him I
didnt want to be with him any more if he was that ignorant not to see that
I desperately needed to do this to stay alive - That I needed to put myself
first because I wasn't getting another life any time soon. He is now very
supportive of me pursuing surgery and hopefully I will be able to get a
surgical date really soon. I wish you lots of luck with your husband.
Just talk to him and let him know exactly how you feel about surgery. As a
friend of mine said before she had her surgery that her husband could look
at as many fat chicks as he wanted to, but thats all he could do....She'd
even buy him the magazines lol (gotta keep that sense of humor about
things too) =)
— ImANewDee
April 13, 2003
Hmmm, my husband looves me alive & healthy. End of story.
— Karen R.
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