Question:
How did WLS affect your marriage?
I have heard a lot of stories about how weight loss affects relationships between husbands and wives. To be honest, that is the one thing that scares me most about this surgery! How did it affect you? How was your marriage before? I feel like my dh and I have a really good marriage, I love him to death! But i'm scared of changing so much that things become different between us. My sister, who had surgery last year, has really changed a lot and she's been on the brink of divorce for several months. BUT, her marriage was very rocky from the bery beginning, so that does make me feel somewhat better. What are your thoughts on this? — April G. (posted on June 10, 2003)
June 10, 2003
Well, I am only 1+ month out and my husband could not be more supportive.
We also have a little different situation in that the DH is having WLS
also, so right now he is my biggest cheerleader. He gently admonishes me
when he thinks that I am eating too much and I encourage him with his
drinking more water instead of soda etc. We also communicate in other areas
of our marriage and have always done that for the 29 years we have been
married. So, keep up the love that you have for one another and things will
go well for you. Also, the partner needs to be educated as to what the
patient is going thru and what the surgery is all about. Usually the ones
that become the biggest opponents of the surgery are the ones that know
very little about it.
— ChristineB
June 10, 2003
My marriage has not been good for awile. I thought maybe after I lost some
weight I would feel better about myself and maybe feel better about my
marriage. My husband is very supporttive but I was not in love anymore.
Well we finally decided just today that we would get a divorce, break
things off while we could still be friends. Good luck to you, I hear if a
marriage is good it just gets better, if it is bad it just gets worse.
— Stephanie B.
June 10, 2003
Great Sex!!!
— jen41766
June 10, 2003
Me and my husband have been married 8 years and we both feel that we are
each others soulmate. WLS has not affected our marriage at all. In fact,
we're are able to pursue alot more hobbies together and we are both more
active. And the sex, ooo la la. :)
— joeandteri
June 10, 2003
I think that this is a case by case thing. I think that a lot of people
are stuck in bad marriages and think that they deserve to be in it while
they are overweight because self esteem is so low, and then when you
finally lose weight and see how much your worth is, you kinda say,
"I'm outta here". In my case, my husband was bad before surgery,
it wasn't working then, but I never felt good enough about myself to get
out of the situation. I think that if you truly love someone, then WLS
will do nothing but make it better, but if it's really not someone you
truly want to be with, it will be over. Discussing the surgery with him
and your feelings about how things will be later will also help.
— sheri H.
June 10, 2003
I am in that situation where I had WLS and my DH had it 6 months later. He
wasn't a whole lot of help after I had surgery, but having been married to
him for almost 24 years, and knowing him like I do, I didn't expect a lot
of help! After having his surgery, he understands now what I was
experiencing in the early stages after surgery and appreciates what I did.
He has lost weight much faster and so gets more of the "Wow!"
comments than I do - plus he lost his abdominal fat first, so his loss is
much more noticable. That's a little hard for me, since I did all the
research and went through it first, which made it easier for him! But
overall, our relationship is pretty much the same as it ever was. (Except,
as others have noted - better sex! We no longer have that "extra
person" - 110lbs (60 for me, 50 for him) - between us! LOL!)
Seriously, if your relationship is good now, it probably will only get
better! We are doing more together and looking forward to doing lots of
stuff this summer we haven't been able to do for a long time! (Like riding
bicycles without having to stop to catch our breath every 10th of a mile!)
Just have to replace the rotten tires! He has always been my soulmate, even
with his idiosyncracies, so I guess we'll be together for a long, long
time.
— koogy
June 11, 2003
My marriage is as great as ever. My dh has been the most supportive and
very helpful during this so experience. I am 7 months post op and he has
been there every step of the way. Pre op he said it did not matter the
size I was, he loved me no matter what all that was important was my
health. He is very complimentary, tells me how proud he is of me and how
well I have done. I could not have succeeded as well as I have without
him.
— Sharon F.
June 11, 2003
I want to start by saying I had/have a great marriage to start with...my
hubby is my best friend...and I his. With that said, I think the surgery
has only made things even better, because I feel better and better about
myself all of the time which impacts our whole family. I also agree with
the previous poster...we are definetly having much more fun in the bedroom
(or where ever) now days!
— eaamc
June 11, 2003
I, too, wondered this before surgery. I firmly believe in something that I
heard many years ago regarding a massive weight loss -- not just from WLS,
but anyone who losing a large amount of weight. I heard that a good,
strong marriage will become better and stronger and a weak marriage will
weaken.
— Lynette B.
June 11, 2003
Even though my husband did not want me to have the surgery b/c he was
scared of losing me, he was by my side 100% and this whole experiance has
changed our lives. We have always been best friends first, so I think that
helps alot. We did go a couple months of little fighting, but that's b/c I
turned into wild woman for a while lol, spending money on myself instead of
bills, but im back in control now:o) We are actually doing alot better now
than before, no more yelling just talking when we have problems. My husband
has always treated me like a piece of gold and still now he treats me the
same, but I almost feel like his polished trophy or something(I know he's
more attracted, he would never admit it in a million years, but he always
made me feel sexy and all before too, now it just seems like it's the truth
lol). I'm alot happier and I think it's b/c we were already happy to begin
with. Good luck!
— Sandy M.
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