Question:
The more weight I lose the more I think I am fatter
I am 4 1/2 months post op. I started at 213 and am now 145. The more weight I loose the more critical I get of myself. I can shop now in "normal" stores ( the limted and express) and I think everyone is starring at me because I am so fat. I feel fatter now and more critical. I even sometimes take a laxative if I think I ate to much that day. HELP! — [Anonymous] (posted on November 29, 2001)
November 29, 2001
No offense, but from the small bit of info that you posted, I think you
need a support group or therapist... sounds to me like the start of the
mindset of anorexia.
— [Anonymous]
November 29, 2001
I agree that you need to get some professional help before you get in too
deep. These are things I worry about as a pre-op as well. While we are
overweight, we can't even be a part of popular culture. We're ostrasized,
and in a way that protects us from the insanity of how even normal women
obsess over their bodies. This could definitely be the start of something
very dangerous. I have known of so many girls and women become anorexic
and if you keep it up you will kill yourself. Please get some help and
stop a problem before it starts! It is much easier to head it off at the
pass than it is to fix it once you're in the thick of it. You have done so
well and I'm sure you are much more beautiful than you give yourself credit
for (and you probably realize that too). Take care of yourself and do get
some help. I have been seeing a psych since I was 8 and they really do
help sometimes. Good luck!
— [Anonymous]
November 29, 2001
I saw your post and it reminded me of the way that I felt one at one point
in my life after I had lost about 35-40 pounds. I started at 185 and got
down to about 145-150. Physically I felt great!!! I was running and
rollerblading in Central Park (lived in NY), and truly felt like I was
happy for the first time in years. This was the lowest weight that I had
been since junior high school. I started to feel inadequate and completely
self-conscious. I noticed every little flaw in myself. The biggest issue
for me was the attention from friends and guys, especially guys. I looked
great, but could not handle the attention. Quite simply, I did not know
what to do. Having been overweight all my life, I was not used to guys
wanting to be around me because the actually liked me and wanted to date
me. I was used to having a lot of male friends and being "the funny
one". I was very ill prepared to fall into the role of potential
girlfriend. I also began to be very hard on myself and not praise myself
for the accomplishment that I had made. I would see people that I had not
seen in a long time and they would say "WOW, you look great" and
"It's amazing" all the time, and I freaked out. I had no idea
that part of the weight loss would be that I was at the center of attention
all the time. I felt as if I needed to be perfect all the time, as if a
mistake would be beyond me. I kept the weight of for about a year and a
half and then it started to creep back on and then some. Point is, being
overweight has been such an identifying tool for many of us all of our
lives, we find it difficult to slip into the new roles that we have created
for ourselves. Of course, now I know what happened and what went wrong, and
truly wish I could go back and fix things. I am now 230 pounds and
miserable as I am sure you were when you were tipping the scales at 200+. I
think it would be beneficial for you to talk to someone. Usually insurance
co's allow for a certain amount of visits to a CSW(certified social
worker).Maybe this will help you move into your new world, and recognize
what an amazing and positive change that you have made in your life. This
surgery corrects your physical health, but it does nothing for your
emotional and mental health. We all ate for some reason, and we all
probably have a pretty good idea about what that reason is. You need to
start focusing on your emotional and mental health, because you obviously
have the physical part down. I am sorry this is so long, but I felt it may
help. Good Luck to you!!
— Tara J.
November 29, 2001
Initially I couldnt see the difference in myself till I saw a pphoto of me
taken at a wedding. WOW I was shocked, so you might get a picture taken of
yourself and compare with a old photo. Your problem is common and often
goes away after awhile, get counseling if it bugs you, but you might just
give it time. Are minds and bodies go thru a hugh adjustment and its not a
overnight thing.
— bob-haller
November 30, 2001
I feel the same way that you do and I think there are a lot of us out
there. I wear an 8 -- but when I go shopping start out looking at larges
-- and end up with smalls. When I get dressed in the morning, I always ask
"do I look fat?" "does my butt look too big?" My
husband now answers by laughing -- and says you can't possibly look fat --
you look skinny. I know it sounds vain -- and I'm not asking because I
want a compliment -- but I still see the same old me -- and the only time I
see how I really look is in photographs -- so I try to take them. I've had
surgery on my thighs and arms, and will have my tummy tuck in a few months
-- and hopefully that will get me out of this -- if not, though, I'm going
to find a psychologist to help me.
— Audrey M.
November 30, 2001
If it helps any - the psychologist in our suport group says that it has
been her experience that after post-ops get to goal weight, it takes
another year for them to actually see the new person - so you sound totally
normal to me - I have not made goal yet - but I am down 101 lbs and still
have a hard time seeing it - I have 78 to go and only see that I have 78 to
go until I look at "before" pictures.....then I can see it :)
— Sharon Jones
December 2, 2001
Oh my god, I thought that I was the only one. I was 310 and now am 174. I
know I have lost alot but I feel huge. Even bigger than I did before. I
have more issue with feelings of insecurity. I have never really been that
insecure but I feel like everytime someone looks at me it is because I am
big and fat a gross. I would never assume it was because they thought I
looked nice. I even yelled at a man because he was looking at me, I think
that I scared the crap out of him. I am actually thinking about getting
therapy or something.
— Tracy C.
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