Question:
I am worried about what my marriage will be like post-op.
Lately I am worried about how WLS will effect my marriage. I have been having these fantasies about other men and even dreams....for when I am thin. I feel awful (like I've cheated or something). My husband is the best man in the world. Cares endlessly for me and is in full support of everything I do in my life, including WLS. Am I terrible or what! I will NOT have an affair, but am worried about the temptation! — [Anonymous] (posted on January 10, 2002)
January 10, 2002
Every person in the world wants to feel attractive to the opposite sex.
There's no shame in that! It's natural to fantasize about how other men
will feel about you and to enjoy feeling good about yourself. As long as
you are a balanced and secure person, it's very unlikely that you'll
actually do something you'd regret. I have a friend who had WLS several
months ago. She has a group of girlfriends who go out once a month for
dinner and drinks. She stopped going with them because on more than one
occasion a man would buy a round of drinks for the ladies at her table but
would leave her out (she's the only one that was obese). From the day of
her surgery she said she was going out with her girlfriends once she lost
the weight just to see if a man would offer to buy her a drink. Her
husband couldn't understand this. Anyway, the time came that she'd lost
most of her weight so she went out with her girlfriends. As luck would
have it a man offered to buy drinks for all the ladies at the table. She
thanked him sweetly and declined his offer, said her goodbyes and called it
a night. She went home early and told her husband what had happened. She
explained it like this "I just wanted another man to offer - I had no
intention of accepting because the only man I love is YOU! I just wanted
the offer". So, I think it's perfectly normal to hope that other men
will find you attractive. You may find that your hubby even appreciates
you more! BEST WISHES!
— ronascott
January 10, 2002
I agree with the other poster that it's not another man that you may be
looking for. Rather, you long for the attention that you've never
experienced. I am also happily married to a wonderfully supportive man. I
want to go to the bar once in a while; not to cheat or find a replacement.
I want guys to "check me out". I also get some satisfaction out
of not giving them the time of day. It's almost like revenge in a way.
It's extremely esteem boosting. I hope that my husband doesnt get upset
when I want to leave him home once in a while (I've done it once in 17
months). Others probably think that I am going to fool around. But that
isn't it; I have everything I want! If your marriage is strong and
successful pre op; it will be post op as well! Email me if you like!
— Jeannet
January 10, 2002
I am so glad you asked this question, because I am feeling the same way...
I LOVE my husband and would NEVER consider cheating, but being able to
stick my nose in the air and turn away from those men who did that to me
when I was fat, is going to be SOOOOOOO Nice!!! LOL
— Sharon H.
January 10, 2002
Consider yourself VERY FORTUNATE to have a spouse who loves you for who you
are RIGHT NOW! I am pre-op and my wife hasn't touched me for years! I
can't see living this way for the next 35 years. I pray this surgery will
make her love me again. It sounds like you have a WONDERFUL husband. Don't
do anything to jeapordize a relationship with someone who loves you for WHO
you are and not for WHAT you look like! I wish you the best!!!
— Robby E.
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