Question:
5 months post-op, Depressed, Binging-Purging, hurting myself
I'm exactly 5 months post-op & have lost 95 pounds (started at 324). My lover started "looking around" & I caught him on Feb 9th. I packed up & moved to Fort Lauderdale from Memphis, leaving my support network behind. I've always had a problem with binging/purging, & now it has gotten worse than ever. I wake in the middle of the night & binge. The only "good time" is during the first 8-10 hours every day - I seem to be able to control it. I'm on Effexor, Neurontin, Buspar, Seroquel for depression/anxiety, & many other meds for HIV (still can't take them for the nausea). I often think of hurting myself. Do you think I would be better going inpatient to try to stabilize my RXs, eating behaviors & depression? Since I don't really know anyone here, & since I have Medicare, it would seem more logical than waiting for an appointed with a WL Surgeon. In the meantime, my Nashville surgeon has gone out of business, so I can't get good advice there. I don't think I can wait to do schedule & do a consultation with a psychiatrist. Sometimes the purging is so intense & hurt for hours. I will sometimes fill my pouch 3-5 times & purge each time. I can eat almost a whole hamburger & fries without purging, which is well beyond the normal 8-16 oz. pouch I should have at this stage. But I'm still losing weight...especially since I moved to Fort Lauderdale. I think because of the depression. What advice do you have? Good hospital? Good Dr.? Thanks, — Jay P. (posted on April 9, 2002)
April 8, 2002
Jon,
My heart goes out to you. ((HUGS)) I looked up you former docs name and
apparently he recently relocated from Ft. Campbell KY to The Institute for
the Treatment of Obesity at Centennial Hospital. Maybe you should try and
contact him as see what he advises. Perhaps he knows of an in house
treatment facility to help with your problems. You've made the first step
my admitting you have a problem and reaching out for help. I pray that you
get help as soon as possible. Take care and God Bless! Ciao, Victoria in
Italy:) Email me if you need an email [email protected]
— perezrdh
April 8, 2002
Babyboy, as you know you are screwed UP! However, whatever is messed up
can be cleaned up. To start with, you need serious help to stop the
binging and purging...get thee to an Eating Disorder Clinic asap. True you
aren't a 16 year old girl, so they aren't as likely to take you
seriously...throw one of those neurotic tantrums y'all are famous for if
necessary to get the help you need. You must get stabilized so you can
restart your HIV meds as your life depends on it. Secondly, get in touch
with a local gay support group. You are not the first to have been cheated
on, but you have some very special circumstances that the mainstream folks,
particularly in Memphis (I don't care how much Elvis loved his momma) will
be understood. Lastly, come back and tell us how you are doing. You can
count on us to be here for you. Life is a darn rollercoaster at times, and
you are definitely on a sloping curve. At this point, it is time for one
of those quiet decisions made in silent rooms: decide that you are enough
for the challenge and that you are worth it. I guarantee you that you will
not get alot of agreement from the rest of the world (who wants to have
anything to do with a fat, crazy queer?), but, like millions of people who
also aren't 'mainstream', who have faced the same or worse challenges, you
have something to contribute. Get your self well, boy. Good Luck!
— merri B.
April 8, 2002
Jon, I have to admit that I don't have much in the way of direction for
you as I am still hoping to have surgery myself. I do want to tell you
that my heart goes out to you, and that I will keep you in my prayers. I
do agree with what Merri said in her post. You definitely need to get some
in-patient help ASAP. The idea of calling your surgeon in his new location
is also a good one. Either way, you must to something quickly. Give
yourself credit for not only admitting your need, but for reaching out for
help. Many in your situation are in denial, and never get any help at all.
If for some reason you can't find an eating disorder clinic right away, go
to the emergency room at the hospital and request to voluntarily admit
yourself to their psychiatric unit. If you voluntarily admit, you can
voluntarily leave...but while there you can get assistance for the
depression and binge/purge disorder. They can even help get you into an
eating disorder facility. The experience can be a little scary, (I know,
because I self-admitted for postpartum depression last September. I stayed
for 5 days, and those 5 days saved my life). Good luck to you. Please
come back and let us know how you are doing. You are in my prayers.
— Stefanie M.
April 8, 2002
Hi Jon. Honey, you know that you are hurting yourself. During the
"good" time, you need to call some hotlines and tell them what
you're feeling. I say to do this when you're feeling good because I don't
know that you'd do it at night when you're not. There are hotlines for
almost any type of issue you have. This has less to do with WLS than it
does with just downright depression. Your surgeon won't be able to help
you with what's going on in your head -- and that's just what you need.
Regarding your lover, you know it's not the end of the world. Yes it sucks
to be cheated on and kudos to you for not putting up with it. Call someone
right now. If you can't find anyone, then I do think you should admit
yourself especially to stabilize your meds. Love yourself Jon. Good luck
and God Bless -- I'll be praying for you.
— Kimberly L.
April 9, 2002
First order of business: If you are thinking of hurting yourself (and in
fact you are hurting yourself by bingeing and purging to the point of
pain!) you DO need to be in a hospital! Depression is serious business and
you should take it seriously. Don't delay, don't think it will get better
on its own. PLEASE get to a hospital and check yourself in. Maybe your
medications are not as effective after WLS or maybe you just need an
adjustment. But being in the hospital will give you a safe place to adjust.
Find a good hospital and tell them you keep thinking of hurting yourself.
They WILL admit you and take care of you. Please do this ASAP! Email me if
you would like @ [email protected].
— ctyst
April 9, 2002
I just want to let you know that an eating disorders program WILL take you
seriously. I spent a month in an intensive outpatient program with people
who had bulimia, anorexia and compulsive overeating. All were taken
seriously and all were treated with respect, by the staff and the other
patients. You do need to get yourself into an inpatient treatment facility
now. Don't wait. You need to get some help. Good luck to you.
— garw
April 9, 2002
Hi Jon - You have definatley taken the first step - reaching for help, and
I am glad. You need to get back on your cocktail as soon as you can. Your
nausea may be so intense from the purging, your tender tummy can't take the
binging AND that too. SOunds like you are being self-destructive, and
that is bad. Your lover left you, don't YOU leave you, too. You got the
WLS to help yourself, help your health, and you need to get back on track.
Seek an inpatient eating disorder clinic...any clinic is better than no
clinic. You need to cut off access to trigger foods and binging. Your
meds you take may not be absorbed as well as they should, causing backlash.
You need to find yourself an evening activity to keep you busy and not
able to overeat: line dancing, movies, knitting, bowling, billards league
or better yet, SUPPORT groups, either for WLS, HIV, PFLAG, Anything at all,
or better yet, sounds like you could get something from all those kinds of
groups. You have alost a lot of ewight, don't worry about the numbers
right now. And stay away from risky behaviors on the rebound from all this
(haven't we all been there!). I will be thinking of you, Blessings, M.A.
— M. A. B.
April 9, 2002
Jon: Sorry for all the trouble you're having. You've made a good move. I
would immediately find a WLS from this site so that you can begin seeing
him. If you can't find one, find a PCP immediately. Sometimes medications
can interact differently after WLS and may need to be modified.
— dolphins94
April 9, 2002
I am very concerned about you. I had to realize long ago how hurtful it
can be when a man cheats.....BUT, I also have my pride. All a man has to
do is tell me one time (or display it by his actions, cause some want the
best of both worlds it seems) and that's it for me. I don't need to be
told twice. I don't want anyone who doesn't want me. It has to be a
two-way street. Now here's what I would do. You may think it's silly,
others would I'm sure. But you posted the question. I would seek Godly
counsel. By that, I mean I would talk to a pastor of a local church. You
are new in the area. Get in the phone book, call a pastor, make an
appointment and spill your heart out. Try attending a local church (I'm
sure he'll invite you), maybe get a new perspective on life. I have this
philosophy. (I'm 50 years old.) Any time I tried to make my own decisions
in life, I messed up big time. But when I finally turned it all over to
God, started seeking His face, His direction, waiting on His timing, things
got better. I am still waiting, but I dare not make a move unless I know
it is His will and not mine. Any time I would seek
"professional" help, all they would do is medicate me to the
hilt. But anytime I would seek Godly help, these people really listened to
me with a real, genuine care and concern. If you haven't tried this, I
would definitely go that route. Any time any of my friend tell me they
need to talk to someone, my advice is "seek Godly counsel". I
hope this helps a little. There is nothing more loving than finding a good
church "family" who really cares for you. Now that's love.
— blank first name B.
April 12, 2002
Jon, I am so sorry that you are in so much pain, and I offer my hugs to you
as well. As a Marriage, Family Therapist (intern), I want to strongly
suggest that you go inpatient immediately as it sounds like there are both
psych. and physical issues going on. I commend you on the help that you
have already reached out for...please continue to do this so that we all
can continue to love you! = >
— CaseyinLA
January 5, 2004
Dear Jon
Please hang in...I was also depressed for about 3 months after surgery. i
considered all sorts of ways out. That is not your answer. If you are
having serious thoughts of hurting yoourself, find help...call a hotline or
something...anything. It sounds like you are talking a lot of meds...are
none of them helping with the depression??? I take paxil and it helps a
lot--could not live without it. Please hang in and try to keep going.
Feel free to e-mail me if you need to.
— martharogers
Click Here to Return