Question:
Do people treat you different now? What are some ways to deal with this.
this is a silly question but how do people treat you once you lose weight. In public and friends. I do not go out of my home. Someday I would like to go into the public and not be a freak or something. — [Anonymous] (posted on March 7, 2000)
March 7, 2000
You're not alone in your fears. I think all of us at one time or another
had to endure a rude remark or stare. I'm 5 months post-op and down 90 lbs
and have been receiving comments regarding my weight loss for some time
now. Its brought to my attention just how many people are conscious about
my weight. Just yesterday I had a distant neighbor make a remark about how
great I looked. It was someone I didnt even know. She asked how much I'd
lost and how I managed to lose that much. I told her the truth but
afterward had some regrets that I had shared so much information. With all
the new attention you get from people though the most beneficial change
will be in your attitude about yourself. In the end, all that counts is
that you have confidence in your abilities and looks and express complete
self esteem. Thats something that you'll have to search for on the inside.
Whether you are 500 lbs or 100 lbs theres always going to be something
inperfect with all of us that will cause us to want to shy away from the
world. The best thing to do is to remember that you have just as much
right to this planet as the next person and to live your life
accordingly...and it doesnt hurt to have some snappy responses handy for
those few rude people who dont believe in the live and let live motto.
— Rita O.
March 8, 2000
I think everyone who visits this site understands what it feels like to be
judged by how you look instead of what kind of person you are. As you get
older you come to realize that the reason people might treat you badly is
usually for two reasons, Fear and insecurity. They can't help themselves.
They need to feel superior and looking down at people with obvious weight
problems is the perfect way for them to have that false sense of
superiority. Pray for them, soon your weight will be gone and you will be
so far above people like that it will just make you laugh. I pity them
because they have never learned to have compassion for others. So as we
grow we have an opportunity to reach out with Love and as they say,
"As you give so shall you receive". Be Happy !!! Love Jeanie
— Jeanie W.
March 8, 2000
Hi, I just had to say, you are not a freak...You are a beautiful person
inside and out. Despite what other people think about you, you are a
wonderful person. I know how hard it can be to endure the stares and the
comments that people make about an obese person. It's pure, unadulterated
ingnorace that you are experiencing. All of us on this website have gone
through it more times than we all care to remember. But know this, you are
in a haven here and that we are all here to support and love you just the
way you are. No one can pick on you or call you names here, we all love
those who were or are just like us. As for the change in how people treat
me, yes, it is quite frustrating that when I weighed 250 pounds I was
treated like a second class citizen. Why do people not see you for WHO YOU
ARE, rather than WHAT YOU ARE??? It's a good question that I really have
no answer for. Actually it's probably one of those things that needs to be
addressed by some in therapy because of the anger that it brings out. I
have dealt with it, but when I first began to lose weight noticeably, it
was a hard thing to deal with. But I guess it also is a part of that
insecure little person inside of your big body. Once you find peace within
yourself to accept that other people are not perfect, then you can accept
their shortcomings and forgive them of their ignorance. Maybe I'm being
naive, but that's really how I feel about it. Once I became secure with my
new body, it all fell into place. If you have any questions, please feel
free to email me, I am always happy to help a friend. Good Luck...Marni
-100 Pounds
— Marni
March 8, 2000
Dear friend,
I understand how you feel. Did you ever read the article a few years back
in either Lady's Home Journal or Good Housekeeping, one of those types? It
was about a women who actually wore a "fat suit" as an
experiment. The article she wrote seemed to indicate even when she tried
to hail a cab she was insulted. People felt free to stare. She went to a
restaurant either with a friend or her husband I don't remember, but two
women sitting at another table were behaving obnoxiously and when she went
to the restroom actually told her male companion that she must be paying
him to go out with her. She found this out when she emerged from the
restroom sans fat suit. They actually had the nerve to be angry with her.
Could it be that when she emerged they were the ones actually exposed in a
fat head suits? ( I remember the move with Markie Post.)
I have lost almost eighty pounds and as I shed my suit layer by layer I
know my attitude is changing, I feel good walk with pep and get so much
attention though no one has asked me how much weight I have lost, I have
resolved not to discuss it. I decided before I had surgery this would be
the only place I would share information of this nature never again would I
discuss my weight, shape or exercise with anyone.
The person who said our weakness is exposed is correct, but others and
their lack of self esteem are also exposed as this is one of the last
acceptable prejudices and seems to be expressed most by persons who have
problems with their own self-image.
— Andrea P.
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