Question:
Will sex change once I lose the weight?
Hubby and I have a very active sex life (minimum of 5 times weekly) I am his first and only overweight lover. His previous lover was very thin. My concern is that maybe he will become less atractive to me when I am thin. He says he'll love me fat, skin, purple or green. Do you think I'm being silly and a worry wart? I know this man loves me. — lilmskitty (posted on January 17, 2002)
January 17, 2002
Hi there, I share your worries. My boyfriend of 2 years and I are very
active lovers and he has grown to really like my curves (luckily, I'm not
totally out of proportion even though I have 125 extra pounds). The thing
I think about though is how much more I'll be able to do to please him when
I'm thinner. I'm tired of "... so lets do it like they do on the
Discovery channel" if you catch my drift, lol. I'm not complaining
because we do have a great sex life, but I'd like a little more variety
than we have now. I think he would to. He is also excited about the
shopping spree at Victoria's Secret ;) I have asked him plenty of times
"will you still think I'm pretty when I'm smaller" and he tells
me yes yes yes. I think you and I both should believe the men that we know
love us so much :) Good luck to you :)
— [Anonymous]
January 17, 2002
Pre-op my hubby was afraid that I would "get skinny and leave
him". While I do kind of enjoy the increased attention I now get from
the opposite sex ... he is still my one and only and is even more
attractive to me now than when we first met (we have been together almost
28 years)! Regarding the sex ... it was great before, but now it is
FANTASTIC. My hubby also always liked my curves ... especially my big,
soft (and to him ... sexy) butt. He was kind of worried about it
"going away". I am 14 months post op and down 140 pounds and it
hasn't been a problem. Apparently he finds my smaller (but still big by
most people's standards) butt just as sexy as when it was bigger.
— Lynn T.
January 17, 2002
I so envy you...my husband never told me that he loved me anyway or found
me attractive when I was fat. He is attracted to thin/boney women and I was
normal weight when we married. Our sex life stunk pre-op. Partly because I
was so self conscious about my body and he did nothing to ease my concerns.
I had high hopes that things would improve post op. I've lost 140 pounds
and am that thin/boney woman, but our sex life still stinks! He doesn't
appear very interested and quite frankly neither am I. Maybe a little
resentment for not feeling "wanted" when I was fat??? I would
cherish your husband who appears to love you for who you are and not what
you look like. Since that is the case, post op should be the same.
— [Anonymous]
January 18, 2002
Given the question, I had to post this answer: No, you will still be
whatever sex you were prior to the weightloss!
HA!
— merri B.
January 18, 2002
Merri Busch, you are hillarious!
— Happy B.
January 18, 2002
Yes...it'll get better with greater mobility, flexibility and higher
energy levels. Also, as a woman, I found that feeling better about my
looks made me feel sexier and more daring. He definitely likes the new
me........
— [Anonymous]
January 18, 2002
What a great site... we have a Merri and a Happy! :-) I am stuck with just
'Karen', I would love to trade for something full of smiles...
— Karen R.
January 18, 2002
I can tell you my experience and it isn't all roses. Do I
enjoy sex more- heck yea- down 140 pounds in 2 years and
10 pounds from the ever elusive goal weight. However, the
emotional aspects of my marriage are very hard to handle right
now. My husband has his own compulsions and, while I have
been fairly successful working on mine through surgery, his
insecurities over my "new look" have caused him to damage
the trust in our marriage to the point where we are having
a very difficult time. We are both in counseling- joint
and individual, but I am not sure if it is going to work.
If you and your husband are emotionally healthy- your surgery
and weightloss will be great for your relationship. If not,
think about starting some king of therapy to head off any
communication problems that may arise. Good Luck.
— M B.
January 18, 2002
It sounds like you have a healthy relationship and there should be no
reason to expect that to change. You are lucky to have an active sex life.
I wish I could say the same. I lost my interest in sex when I was pregnant
with my first child (he's now 21!) and never got it back. I know my husband
loves me no matter what size I am - he is very proud of my 130 pound loss
and my new look. I wish I could be more intersted in sex, but can't seem to
no matter what I try.
— [Anonymous]
January 20, 2002
My psych said that there will be a lot of emotional issues between me and
my spouse as I lose weight, but to confront them as they happen and then
let any hurt go to never be brought up again. It works... we hash it out
and then it is gone and we both feel better! Now as for SEX, omg girl, I
hope you end up like me... I was not interested in sex too much before this
surgery, but now!!! If I can get him to (and he is always willing), we'd
have sex three times a day!! All those hormones that are coming out of fat
storage really make you wet constantly. I have to wear a pad to keep from
soaking through to my pants and dresses!!! I just have to THINK for one
second about it and I am drenched! LOL!! Good Luck!!!
— [Anonymous]
March 1, 2002
It changed for me--for the better! My husband says it is better for him
also because I am more limber and it is easier to "reach"
everything. More penetration. I think sex is better after the weight
loss! SR
— [Anonymous]
December 4, 2002
It only stands to reason that it will get better. Being overweight puts
limits on what you can do and how close you can get. I am looking forward
to a much better time.
— Lynn P.
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