Question:
Anyone Lose Weight and Then Lose Friends?

Since I've lost all my weight, I find that my sister and my best friend are having a hard time dealing with what they call the "new me." I know I have changed. I used to be very shy and now I am not. I feel so much better about myself. I now take more time with my appearance. Things like getting my hair done, instead of just pulling it back in a ponytail and wearing makeup. I buy more revealing clothes, short skirts and low cut tops. I get a lot of male attention. Never had it in my life and I'm enjoying it. My sister calls it me "flaunting" my weight loss. I actually have to choose more conservative clothes to wear around her and my best friend. If I go out with them and attract male attention, they act irritated the rest of the day. Now that I have my breast implants which are a modest size c. My sister never misses an opportunity of commenting on my "fake peeps.". She even told her six year old daughter that they are fake and her daughter is so fascinated she is always feeling on them and asking questions about them. I don't want to have problems with my sister and my friend, but I want to be able to dress like I can now and flirt if I want without worrying about what they are thinking. I had this surgery to lose weight not friendships. Has this happened to anyone else? Any advice?    — Lisa N M. (posted on August 8, 2003)

August 8, 2003
when they say that you are flaunting your weightloss, ask them why is that such a bad thing. tell them you are very proud of your new body. i think it is great that you are flirting, but just be careful you don't make yourself look cheap. maybe they aren't upset at your flirting but how you flirt. too much of a good thing can just be TOOOOOO much. there is a time and place for everything, even flirting. be the goddess you are and think hard about what the people closest to you are saying. maybe they have a point. best of luck
   — franbvan

August 8, 2003
Hi Lisa- Maybe try telling them that you're not the "new" me, but the "new and improved" me :o) And what about them, don't they dress nicely, get their hair done, wear-make up and flirt? (I'm assuming everyone's single.) I would try asking them next time why they are entitled to look nice and have fun but you're not? Your sister and friend have set ideas about you from your MO days. Maybe add some new friends to the mix who respect you as you are. If your sis and friend see that other people treat you as any other non-obese woman, they might follow suit. But about your sister telling others about your new ta-ta's, that is just too personal and I would tell her to stop. Good Luck and enjoy your new life! Mea :o)
   — Mea A.

August 8, 2003
Yes, I have lost "friends." But you know what....they really were not my friends. They say I have "changed." I have....I am no longer dependent on them to tell me how to live my life....I am living my own life.
   — Oldsoul

August 8, 2003
Yes, I have lost some "friends". They weren't friends because real friends would be happy to see a sister or friend become healthier and more attractive. Quite simply....they are jealous. Don't expect much support from them. You can get that from us here. We understand. Live your life with joy and ignore them. Remember the best revenge is a life well spent! Congratulations on your weight loss! Bet you look wonderful and feel wonderful! I didn't see your picture on line, how bout posting it? Remember until we die, we are still under construction. That includes jealous friends and family. Forgive them and live your life!
   — Mylou52

August 8, 2003
Hey, Lisa....just wanted to add my own question. I see that you have BC/BS PPO Fed? I assume you are a federal employee because you live in Fairfax, VA. Did you have any trouble having your reconstructive surgery approved by them? I have them too and am seeing a Plastic surgeon on 9/9 about hernia repair and TT. Thanks for answering ! Marilyn
   — Mylou52

August 9, 2003
I to lost my friends after my weight loss. I have always dressed "sexy" to try and make me feal that way. And actually once I lost the weight I toned it down a bit. But my so called friends lost there "pretty big friend" and they could not handle the changes in me. I learned that I had to make new friends that conected with the me I am now. Although I would like to think I have not changed I know I have. I am more at ease in my body, and more confident. I am no longer a door mat and do what others want me to do all of the time. I actually think for myself. I wish you luck and hope that your sister and friends learn to love the new you. But I hope you branch out and find new friends that love the person you are now. You are a beautiful woman and deserve the best!!!!
   — nkoehler88

August 9, 2003
I haven't lost any friends, but I can see some people are different to me w/ the loss. It is weird how people who didn't have much to say to me before do now. People do express jealousy that I had surgery and they cant because they are only 30 or so pounds overweight. One person told me she was going to try to gain 50! pounds so she could qualify for surgery. YIKES! Also, you sisters discussion of your breasts w/ a 6 year old is completely inapprpriate as is the child feeling free to touch them. basic human courtesy would insist that your private body parts are off limits to the general public for discussion and/ or touching. your attire is your business. I say walk tall and proud. On another note, I find myself having so much more energy since I am thinner that I get impatient wth people moving so slow (as I am sure I did 110 pounds ago) and with so little energy, or them not wanting to walk a block. I can't believe I have spent so many years with my weight literally weighing me down and holding me back.
   — **willow**

August 9, 2003
Lisa, this is NOT directed towards you. Is anyone familiar with a recovered alcoholic, a reformed cigarette smoker, a 'born again' Christian and weight loosers who feel they must reform the world? They pontificate upon their soap boxes. MOST annoying! Some say there is 'nothing worse'! I understand it's just that they are so happy in their newfound liberation that they want to share. Many don't appreciate the 'generosity'. Then there are those who after 'reforming' look down on others who have not. And then there are those who just plain carry it too far. Their liberation is all up in everyone's faces all the time. I think with your dilemma, Lisa, they feel like they are with a stranger. Like "who are YOU and where did our Lisa go"? Might take some getting used to is all. And know what? There always is the chance some people won't like the 'new' us. They might have chosen us as friends for personality traits we had as fat people. Know what I mean?
   — Ginger M.

August 9, 2003
lisa YOU GO GIRL!!!!! why shouldnt you be proud of yourself & flaunt your weightloss? why shouldnt we all?? it is very hard work living as a wls patient, contrary to what alot of people think (when you walk a mile in my shoes...). i had a miserable childhood, teenage life & up until 1 year ago, adulthood, mainly due to my obesity. i lived the stigma of being obese even in my own home. the only one who never ever held my size against me was my dearest younger sister, janis. my other 2 siblings & yes, even my parents, were cruel to me. my father less so, tho, because it is his genes i inherited. i have had friends thru the years that i now realize, in looking back, were my 'friends' because i made them look good by me looking so 'bad'. i would love for some of them to see me now! my psych made me realize that alot of people befriend other people to boost their own egos. now thats not to say that they dont genuinely like, care for or even love the person, just that once being with you (i use 'you' in the general sense), no longer makes them stand out, so to speak, their feelings turn to resentment. im sure your sister & best friend still love you today as they did yesterday, but, now that you look just as good (or better?) than they do, they cant handle it. your sister was very cruel in telling your neice about your breast enhancement. this was her way of getting back at you for 'what you did to yourself!' you need to have an open & honest conversation with both women. tell them how different you feel now, that you 'fit' into society just like everyone else, that you love wearing clothes that have number sizes not followed by an x. tell them, too, that you are a healthier person & that your feelings for them have not changed just because you have lost weight, but, the way they are treating you is hurtful & even worse than the way people treated you as an obese person, because they (your sis & friend) are supposed to love you UNCONDITIONALLY. if they cant be happy for you, maybe you need to think about distancing yourself a little bit from them. maybe they will realize that they miss you & want to be back in the fore front of your life without any recriminations for finally taking the step of putting yourself before anyone else. good luck to you hun.
   — sheryl titone

August 9, 2003
First, teach that little girl some manners!! Don't let her feel your boobs! That's disgusting!! Smack her hand if she reaches for them after you tell her to stop! I am outraged that your sister would do that to you! I would drop these people like hot potatoes and BE ME!!! Don't let them dictate to you how to dress... you had enough of that when you were fat! Be free!! Be confident!! Dress and act like you want and if they can't handle it, they don't need to be around you!! You don't need people bringing you down. I have two sisters and have had to leave them in the dust becasue of wls. One sister is angry because I "did it the easy way" and now look better than she does, the other is angry because as I lost weight, she gained, and she is now almost as big as I was before surgery. She thinks I 'jinxed' her... lol... how's that?? !! Leave those people behind... you don't need it! :~) Hugs!!!
   — Sharon m. B.

August 9, 2003
As much as this is affecting you, this is THEIR issue. They need to deal with their jealousy of you having the courage to better your health, though they are only recognizing your better appearance. Can you ask them why they aren't happy for you - because that's what their actions are really saying? It might just take some time off from these relationships for them to adjust.
   — Yolanda J.

August 11, 2003
Why on earth would you smack that child for her curiosity. That's all we need, it to perpetuate the idea that our bodies and our sexuality is "bad" and not to be touched or explored. There are ways to teach a child what's appropriate and not appropriate and if she wants to touch a breast and feel it and it's okay with the person whose breast it is, then the child should be allowed to learn in a safe, loving environment, without fear of violence for her curiosity.
   — [Deactivated Member]

August 11, 2003
I have also lost some "friends". Turns out I was fine as a "friend" as long as I was the "fat" one in the bunch. I had a close "friend" who was my "eating" friend. She was fine with my weight loss until I weighted less than she. Actually I bought some of her jeans at a yard sale that she could no longer wear. It was over then. She says I have changed. She thinks I have now become "better than everyone else". Funny she is the only one who thinks so. I like the new me. I am 126 lbs lighter and much happier. My sister refuses to discuss my weight loss at all. I am now smaller than she. I am not the "biggin" any longer, she is. If how much you weigh or how you look effects a friendship--than it's no friendship. Friends are friends no matter what. Make room in your life for some more friends who can support you.
   — june22

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