Question:
WHERE DO I GO TO GET HELP ON MY PC??

PLEASE HELP , MY FRIEND HAD SURGERY JUN 2ND AND DIED ON 5TH THE DAY SHE GOT HOME . I ENCOURAGED HER , AND I HAD MY SURGERY 1-15-03 AND DID JUST FINE. I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THIS WHERE DO I GO ON MY PC?????    — tam B. (posted on July 5, 2003)

July 5, 2003
Ahh I know what your going thru. I came very close to where your at with my friend Wanda Smart. She survived but was in the hospital a year and spent much of it in ICU. If you would like to I will discuss it futher. Drop me a email and we can talk on the phone. There are a few of us here that have goine thru this, its a terrible thing.
   — bob-haller

July 6, 2003
I don't have an answer to your question, but I wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine the pain that your are going through. Please don't blame yourself, you were only trying to help your friend. We all know the risks going into this surgery, but the chance it gives us at life is worth it for most of us. I too had some very MAJOR complications but to be honest if I never lost another ounce I'd take that risk again in a heartbeat. Just know that your friend is in a perfect place now and with a perfect body. I know that doesn't help much when your grieving and you'd rather have them here with you but that's all my words can offer. The best way that you can honor your friend is to live well and healthy and know that they are cheering you on. Hugs, Diana
   — Diana W.

July 6, 2003
I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. I will say a prayer for your friend. Please know that people are thinking of you.
   — Holly M.

July 6, 2003
HI I JUST WANTED TO SAY MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND THAT I AM SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR LOSS AS THEOTHER POSTER SAID DONT BLAME YOURSELF YOU WERE ONLY TRYING TO HELP I KNOW ITS EASIER SAID THAN DONE AND I WILL PRAY FOR YOU
   — JENNIFER S.

July 6, 2003
Tam, I am so sorry for your loss. I want to tell you what I was thinking/feeling prior to surgery in hopes it will make you feel better. Before my surgery (June 11), one of my younger sisters (5'7", 120 lbs) called me in tears. She told me she was terrified of my having the surgery---she knew a girl who died from it and another who vomits constantly. I have arthritis in every joint in my body--severe in all the weight-bearing joings. I also have other co-morbidities (sleep apena, 2 heart attacks, microangiopathy, arterial blood clots, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diverticulosis--just to name a few!). I told her, if I die having this surgery that I want her to be HAPPY for me, for I will definately be out of pain. I was (am) less afraid of dying than I am of living another 20 years in the pain I have been in. If I did die, at least I would die trying to do something for myself, and not as a result of all the years of abuse I had done to my body. She said "That doesn't make me feel any better." To which I said "I'm sorry you're having problems with this, but it's my decision, and after much thought, research, and prayer, I feel it is the right decision for me. I cannot deal with your insecurities and fears right now, but I will keep you in my prayers." When both of my younger sisters married, my older sister (also obese) and I were not invited to be in the wedding party. The younger sister did not even include us in ANY wedding pictures. You know why, just as well as I do. I love them both, and I understood their concerns, but it was my decision to make, no matter what the outcome! Your friend made her own decision. You did the right thing in encouraging her and I am SURE she had 3 people DISCOURAGING her for every one that encouraged. But, ultimately, she made her OWN decision. All we can really do is share our experience, strength, and hope with others. That does not guarantee their outcome. We are not gods, we have no power over life and death (unless we do something immoral/illegal!) God did NOT go on vacation and leave me (or you) in charge! Again, my heart goes out to you on your loss. Be happy for your friend, who is in a better place and who left here attempting to help herself. I am also a firm believer that we are all destined to die when our "time comes". If I was to die the day I had surgery, even if I had backed out, I would have died of some cause that day. Take care--I'll keep you in my prayers. Linda
   — Linda S.

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