Question:
Worried I will become a "fat-ist"... is this possible?
I won't have this surgery for a few months. Heck, I don't even have my consult until November. But, I am always thinking ahead. After this surgery, and after a significant amount of weight loss, I wonder if my empathy will change. I wonder if I will look at obese people and think to myself "Gee, why can't they just lose weight" or "Why can't they just have surgery?" I'm worried I will become one of those b****y pretty girls that I loathe now. I don't want to become what I hate most. — [Anonymous] (posted on July 28, 2001)
July 28, 2001
When I see morbidly obese women now, I want to run to them and shout,
"THERE'S A WAY OUT OF THERE! LOOK AT ME! I WAS YOUR SIZE AND NOW I
WEAR A SIZE SIX!" I dont think that I am a "fat-ist". I
want to share this wonderful tool with all heavy women...Let them know that
it works: Im living proof! I never do though... I am afraid of getting
slapped or something.
— [Anonymous]
July 28, 2001
I don't think you'll ever forget where you came from and I think you'll
have empathy and compassion. I do find myself thanking God that I'm not
that big. However, I would never think someone lazy or should diet more as
I know that dsn't work. I find myself wanting to tell people about the
surgery but I would never do that to a complete stranger. I have friends
who know I had the surgery and they inquire and I tell them. Maybe we can
help change the world with our compassion for all our sisters/brothers who
are stuck in that vicous cycle as we were. Not long ago there weren't as
many of us who had the surgery, so, if each of us can be compassionate
towards them than maybe that would help erase some of the prejudice this
society thinks they have the right to instill on MO people. Just a thought!
— Linda M.
July 28, 2001
I am currently pre-op, although I have made the decision to
have WLS, only because I feel this is "right" for me. I am also
also very fortunate to be able to have this surgery without having to
paying one dime (thanks to Kaiser). However I seriously
doubt that obesity will become obeslete because of WLS.
Also keep in-mind that this is not an option, or even the
right "tool" for everyone. I am very happy that I made
this choice for myself, however I will never ever...look
down on someone just because they are overweight, or have
pity on them...Who's to say that they are not happy? I
like to think that we were all made in God's image, and
because of that I honor each person individuality, wheter
they are overweight or skinny.
— [Anonymous]
July 28, 2001
Try to remember how it made you feel when people acted that way towards
you. I know when I was younger and had lost a bunch of weight, and someone
would make a comment or joke about someone who was fat (not realizing that
I had weight problems) it always offended me.
But not everyone is this empathic, I have a friend who had WLS about 3
years ago, and he always judges everyone he comes across on how big they
are, it makes no sense at all to me, but yes it is possible to become a
"fat-ist" but I would imagine if you are worried about this
enough to post the question, you are probably a caring and understanding
person and you won't end up judging people by their weight.
— [Anonymous]
July 28, 2001
There's an expression in A.A. and other Twelve-Step groups that you might
want to keep in mind: If you look at someone who is clearly larger than you
and judgemental thoughts to the effect of, "Why don't they have
WLS?...Thank God, *I'm* not that big...Why don't they do something about
it?!?", etc., A.A. warns, "Never take someone else's
inventory." This is why A.A.ers don't go preaching their message in
bars, etc. and instead work their own personal recoveries, letting others
instead come to them when and *if* they are ready. If that person is never
ready, that's his/her concern; no one else's. The same sentiment is quoted
in the Bible, "Don't concern yourself with the spec in your brother's
eye; you have a plank in your own!" It also says a great deal about
your character that you would be concerned about this. Bravo!
— [Anonymous]
July 28, 2001
Hi, I think this is an excellent question and the fact that you are already
wondering about it bodes well for you. I remember before my VBG in 97 my
best friend and I had a heart to heart and she told me "Never forget
where you came from". See, she was worried that I would look down on
her after I lost weight because she is large. I promised her I would not
and I stick by it. I do look at large people and thank God I'm no longer
that big but I feel nothing but compassion and empathy for the plight of
the MO. There is a saying "But there for the grace of God go I",
well, we've been there and we've gotten out but we need to remember that 1)
we WERE there and 2) you never know what the future holds, you could end up
back there again. I had a revision last May and I was working my way back
up the scale and terrified of becoming MO again. There are no guarantees.
Anyway, didn't mean for this response to be this long, just wanted to
congratulate you on thinking ahead and I think you're already ahead of the
game in this area and that you will be fine! Good luck.
— Kellye C.
July 28, 2001
I also would like to tell ever MO about this surgery. Especially those I
see struggeling to climb stairs and bend over , or those my age walking
with a cane. But I don't. I will never forget where I came from (how do I
know I won't end up back ther again someday). I have such empathy for them,
my heart really goes out to them. There but for the grace of God...and the
knowledge of this surgery. If anything I feel more deeply for them now ,
before surgery I thought all that sweating , swelling, tiredness and
sickness was normal, now I know better. If I am asked by people who have
seen me preop how I lost the weight I am honest. I never tell unless I am
asked.
— Rose A.
July 29, 2001
Never assume that they aren't doing something about their weight! Just
because people don't tell you about their weight does not mean that they
aren't dieting, recovering from surgery, contemplating surgery
etc...remember that the weight does not come off overnight, it takes time.
I get very angry when people assume that I don't care about my health or
think that I am lazy because of my weight. I choose to keep my strategies
of weight loss private and most others do as well! Hope this helps--good
luck to you!
— [Anonymous]
July 30, 2001
I have to admit that when I was thinner and I saw someone on the heavier
side I would make snide comments under my breath that if they cut back or
did this or did that, etc.. they wouldn't have a weight issue. How
IGNORANT I was!! I'm not even going to blame it on being young and dumb.
It was just plan ignorance! I have been on both sides of the fence now and
I am ASHAMED of anything I have ever thought or said about someone else's
weight. I know how much I have struggles with my own weight and I knew
nothing of person(s). I have tried to teach my son to be kind and
accepting of everyone and I think does a good joc of it. I am proud of the
fact that he never passes judgement and accepts everyone as they are.
Reality slapped me in the face hard and I know that even after my surgery
and I lose weight I will not be critical of anyone else's size again!
— Betty M.
July 30, 2001
Everybody is different, so there's no telling how you will feel. I know
when I see morbidly obese people now, I want so much to run up and pull up
my shirt and show them my scar and tell them my story. (I have found,
however, interesting enough, that the thin people find my story FASCINATING
and ask me endless questions about the process and what I went thru. When
I speak with a MO person, almost always the subject is changed by them
right away.) Are they taking it as a personal criticism? Maybe. I might
have done the same myself, come to think of it. I so want to share what
I've been thru, but obviously I am either going about it the wrong way or
it is unwelcome information, so I don't get into it now unless I am asked.
I do know of two people in my real life who have had this surgery because
of me and that's good enough! :)
— Beth B.
July 30, 2001
I wouldn't worry. Your concerne obviously shows you care. We here all know
what its like to walk in their shoes. I am so happy about my decision I
want to shout it to the world. However, recently a lady I knew died from
this surgery. It doesn't change how I feel about my own experience. I
would still do it again. It has however stopped me from wanting to
encourage others. I don't mind sharing my experience at all. But it is
such a personal choice for us all and I don't ever want to feel like I have
talked someone into this and then have something bad happen.
— stephanie G.
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