Danielle L.

  • BMI 26.8

Obesity & Me

Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.

I was overweight as a child but I'm not sure why. I was active and didn't snack a lot. We didn't have "junk" food around. I recall eating a lot at holiday time and just stuffing myself until I felt sick. That wasn't an every day occurence, though, until I was older. I do remember becoming a closet eater probably after I turned 10. If no one was around, I would eat. It didn't really matter what I ate. After school was also a good time for me to eat - I would snack on a can of corn before dinner and feel very full. I'd still eat dinner, though. I never let my being full stop me from eating. My weight in high school was higher than normal, but not out of control. I tried Weight Watchers several times and finally Diet Center when I was 15 to lose weight for my sister's wedding. I probably started out at 180 or so and got down to 155. It was hard eating Wasa crisp when my girlfriends were eating "normal" food. Being "normal" was important to me, so my weight, and the dieting, was just another thing making me feel different. After the wedding I put the weight back on. By the time I graduated, I was over 200. I felt like a whale when I went to college, and even suffered at frat parties when I would hear comments like "she's a heavy weight." My roommate, Sandy, and I went on a high carb, low-fat, high exercise diet. I was about 220 when I started and got down to about 185 or 190. I felt really good exercising and eating low-fat. I didn't keep it up, though, and put it all back on. I was about 220 when I graduated. After graduation from college was when I got out of control. I moved back home and missed my friends tremendously. My grandfather died a few months later, and I also lost my dog. I got a lousy job and lived with my parents. I didn't have any social life whatsoever. My abuse of food soared and I ended up packing on a good 40-50lbs in about a year. I dieted off and on but never stuck with it. My doctor wanted to put me on Phen-Phen and I never filled the prescription (thank God). I met my husband who was also a big guy, but not as big as me. We ate very well while we were dating - I think I was trying to get him to love me through his stomach. Together we put on about 40lbs each - eating huge portions, snacking after supper, eating out, and not exercising. I was over 300 when we were married. I was in denial over my weight until my wedding. The first eye opener was the mini photo album my sister made for me with my bridal shower pictures. I was stunned and appalled at my size. I had no idea I let myself get that big. The day after my wedding, we watched the wedding video and I wanted to cry. I thought I had looked so beautiful but the video was glaringly obvious that I was enormous and hideous. On our honeymoon, I was stuck in the middle seat of the plane between my husband and another man. I thankfully didn't need the seat belt extension (but I would have been more comfortable with it) but I did take up more space than the width of my seat. I decided on the flight home that I was going to start Atkins. I did. I stayed on Atkins for over a year and got down to 278. I felt great about myself and thought I was thin! Talk about having a totally distorted body image! At that point, a woman at work had had a gastric bypass and she lost 40lbs instantly. She sent me information on the surgery, but the surgeon was out of state and I didn't feel like I was a good candidate at that time. I was newly married and my husband and I were considering getting pregnant. Also, Atkins was working for me and I thought I could do it for life. Well, my tolerance to eggs waned, and I was eating hamburgers or steak for breakfast. Believe me, it got old fast and I gave up. Meanwhile, Carnie Wilson had gone public with her weight loss surgery, and I was inspired by her story in People magazine. There was a picture of her on the cover and the headline read "Half Her Size". She was inside a pair of her old jeans (same size I was wearing) and could have fit another person in with her. I was in awe over her courage and jealous of her success. I was also inspired and hung that magazine cover on my fridge. I started Weight Watchers (at home) and vowed to lose as much weight as she had and I gave myself a year to do it. I didn't want to have the surgery because a man at work had had it done and was hospitalized with post-op complications (nicked bowel or something) for about 6 months. He was close to death, and I didn't think it was worth dying over. I thought Weight Watchers would work for me and it did for a while. Again, I lost about 35lbs, felt really good about myself and gained it all back when I started my new job - I was snacking at night, sometimes eating four huge meals a day. I would go to McDonalds and order two meals and eat both. Nothing seemed to fill me up. I just ate and ate and ate enormous quantities of food. My weight reached 316lbs in July of 2002. I had problems with my blood pressure, pain in my knees, I couldn't go more than a flight or two of stairs without huffing and puffing. I couldn't get pregnant and I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Disease. I knew if I didn't do something, I wasn't going to live ten more years. It was the summer of 2002 that I was in a plus size consignment store in town, looking for some clothes because nothing fit in my closet. While checking out, a few women were trying clothes on and one lady was ecstatic because she had had the surgery and was fitting in size 16. Here I was in a 3X or 4X, size 26/28 and 30/32 and I felt horrible. She and the cashier were comparing their stories about WLS and talked about their surgeon, Dr. Elmer Valin, who performed the surgery at St. Raphael's in New Haven. They were both ecstatic with their results and I left the store feeling miserable and desperate. I told my mother who was opposed to surgery about the women, and she hugged me and told me she would support me if I wanted to have it done. My husband gave me the same support. While he loved me at my heaviest, he wanted me healthy. I checked out Dr. Valin's website and called in to make an appointment. I was put on the waiting list for my initial consult and told it would be 6-9 months. In the mean time, I learned all I could about the surgery and what I needed to do to be approved by the insurance company. My PCP discouraged me from having it done and offered me prescriptions again for Redux. I refused. I became excited about the prospect of the surgery and the end of my morbid obesity.

What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?

Being overweight for me was a prison for me. I felt like everything that was wrong in my life was due to my weight. The worst thing about being fat, however, was not being normal. I was always different because I was fat. I hated being picked on, called names, or discriminated against because of my size. I didn't feel feminine because I was huge. I didn't have any confidence being big. I let my weight dictate what I did or didn't do.

If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?

I love to try on clothes! I used to pick something up in my size and buy it without trying it on. I didn't care how it looked, only that it fit and "covered" what I wanted it to cover. Now I try on just about everything and often giggle in the dressing room if I squeeze into a 7 or 8. I also love to walk fast - especially in the halls at work or at the mall. I zoom by people and weave in and out - the best part is, I'm not out of breath when I get to my destination. I used to sweat like a pig, too, whether I walked ten feet or even just moved. I barely sweat anymore, and I'm always cold! I also love to cross my legs. I never was able to cross them like a lady because my thighs were so fat. I would have to put my ankle on my knee and hold it there. Now I can cross and uncross without ever touching them. It's crazy!

How did you first find out about bariatric surgery and what were your initial impressions of it?

I heard about bariatric surgery years ago but it was "stomach stapling" back then. I put it in the same class as having your jaw wired shut to stop you from eating. It was something extreme and for really fat people - the people that can't leave their homes because they are too big to fit through the door. I never thought I would have something like that done, and yet, I feel like I knew back then that I would.

Describe your experience with getting insurance approval for surgery. What advice, if any, do you have for other people in this stage?

I am told that it is harder now to get approval for the surgery from my provider, Anthem Blue Cross. Thankfully I had a wonderful surgeon and staff who fought with my PCP to help support my case for surgery. The office staff had done so many surgeries that they knew what was needed to get approval and they got it. I am so grateful for Debbie and all she did to help me get approved.

What was your first visit with your surgeon like? How can people get the most out of this meeting?

My first meeting with Dr. Valin was not what I expected. First he weighed me and examined my stomach region. We moved to a conference room where he explained the surgery, the risks, and what I needed to do to meet the requirements for the surgery, i.e., meet with a nutritionist, a therapist, pre-op tests, insurance approval, etc. He asked about the support of my family and friends, eating habits, we reviewed the diets I had been on, how much weight I had lost/gained, etc. He gave me a chance to ask questions. My advice is - ask a lot of questions. Don't be afraid to question anything - this is your life and surgery is a huge step.

What made you finally decide to have the surgery?

I was 30 years old and felt like I had given up on life. I wanted to live and be happy and healthy. I wanted to have a future and I knew I wasn't going to if I didn't get help. I felt like surgery was my last chance at reclaiming my life.

How did you decide which proceedure to have?

I had a laproscopic rouen-y gastric bypass and chose it over banding because I didn't want the upkeep (monthly adjustments) of the band. I went with laproscopic versus open surgery because I wanted to recover more quickly.

What fears did you have about having complications or even dying from from the surgery, and what would you tell other people having the same fears now?

I had a lot of faith in my surgeon, but I was nervous about being his first casualty on the table. I made a will before surgery and wrote goodbye letters to friends and family. I wasn't nervous about complications at all. I prayed a lot prior to surgery and even accepted the prayer a priest offered the morning of my surgery. I was nervous, but also excited. I knew I wouldn't live a long life if I didn't have the surgery. I felt like I had given up on a life anyway, so if I died, I died. At least I would have died trying. If you're frightened of dying, talk to your surgeon. Make sure you have complete confidence in his abilities. Have a good support system with your spouse and family/friends. Ask a lot of questions of your surgeon and/or therapist. Learn all you can about the surgery and what you need to do (i.e, special diets, exercise, etc.) prior to surgery so it goes as smoothly as possible.

How did your family and friends react to your decision? Would you have communicated anything differently if you could now? How supportive were they after your surgery?

I only told my parents, my husband, one of my three sisters and one man at work that I was having it done. I didn't want to be judged or seen as a failure at dieting to keep my weight in control. I didn't want to hear "you should try this" or "you could do that." I feel badly now that I didn't tell my other sisters because they were really supportive post-op. My friends also felt bad that I didn't feel I could tell them pre-op, but were happy that I had it done. I have to say I've had all positive, but one, reponse from people once they learn I've had surgery. She was a nurse for my sister and all she said was "it's so drastic." Well, so is being over 100lbs overweight. I think who you tell is a matter of your personal needs. My sister said if she lost this much weight, she'd tell everyone. I guess it's me wanting to feel normal and not bring attention to myself. It's sort of exciting meeting new people now because they don't know I used to be over 300lbs unless I tell them.

How did your employer/supervisor react to your decision? What did you tell him/her? How long were you out of work?

I was out of work for 3 weeks and told my boss and co-worker that I had the surgery when I returned. They were surprised but didn't condemn me for having it. In fact, they rarely mention my weight loss which is bizarre to some people.

What was your stay in the hospital like? How long where you there? What things are most important to bring?

I had my surgery on 4/21/03, first case of the day, and arrived at the hospital that Monday morning at about 5 or 5:30 am. Getting to admissions was interesting because the elevators and stairwells were locked. After a frustrating fifteen minutes, we finally made it to admitting. My mother and I were led to a private room where I changed into a johnny coat and began the process getting an i.v. and some last minute questions. The anesthesiologist came in and we talked a little. My mother was a great support and we laughed a lot during the waiting. Nurses came and went, and right before they brought me to the o.r., a priest came by to pray with us. I needed that. They wheeled me to the o.r., gave me a warm blanket and I said goodbye to my mother. I wore glasses instead of my normal contacts, so I gave them to her, along with my street clothes. I had left all jewelry at home. Inside the o.r., I have a vague recollection of bright lights and the masked people around me. They put me out and when I woke, my first thought was "I made it." I was in recovery until 4 or 5, I think, that afternoon. I didn't want to stay awake, and I had the breathing tube in. That was the worst! I began to gag and the nurse was really bitchy and told me if the tube came out, it was going to be miserable to put back in. I was also hotter than hell, and I had a wonderful nurse who gave me ice bags on my neck. She was there for me for several hours, and I had almost forgot about her until now. I was so grateful for her at the time. She let my mother and husband in even though she shouldn't have. My husband was upset because he said I stopped breathing several times, and he didn't get straight answers about my condition while he and my mother waited. Apparently I was out of surgery since 11 am or so, and they were told they would be able to see me around 2. My husband felt they were lied to about how I was doing. Anyway, I was discharged on Thursday morning. The days in between were lousy. I just wanted to go home. I got to my room the evening of the surgery at about 8pm. I had a catheter in but I felt like I had to pee. By midnight I was up and walking around the nurses station - it was slow and I was hunched over - and I had to pee! I didn't get much sleep while there because someone is constantly coming in and waking you up. I wasn't in much pain, though, and used very little of the morphine from the pump they gave me. I shared a room for the first two days with a little old lady. In the middle of the night after she was discharged, I got a new roommate - a loud woman - she was wheeled in with a visitor at about 3 am. The nurses didn't make him leave. Here I am trying to recover, and they are too inconsiderate to keep their voices down. Also, she didn't have the same surgery as me, so that morning, she gets eggs, bacon, a muffin, and I get water. I felt like the hospital wasn't very thoughtful about the pairings of roommates. Prior to surgery, I had packed a bag of some reading material and a personal cd player and some soothing music. They tell you not to bring valuables, but it was nice to escape into my music. The books didn't get touched. I watched a lot of tv and did many laps around the nurses station. I wanted to get discharged on time, so I did what they encouraged me to do pre-op. All in all, the stay was okay. There is a lot of waiting and I had to figure out how to get myself to the toilet without the help of the nursing staff. My husband felt he didn't get honest answers when I was in recovery.

Did you have any complications from the surgery? If so, how did you deal with them?

The only pain I had post-op was from gas. My surgeon said it was a good sign that I had gas, but it was horribly painful. I didn't feel comfortable expelling it in front of a roommate, and even in the toilet it was embarrassing to let it go. I guess some gas for a few days is a small price to pay for the surgery when some people die.

In the weeks after you got your surgery date, how did you feel? How did you cope with any anxiety you might have felt?

Every ad for fast food that I saw when I was discharged made me want that food. It all looked so good. I promised myself I'd have some when I was on solids again. I never wanted it after that, though! Maybe a month post op, I got nervous that I was actually losing weight and would achieve my weight loss goal. That realization was a bit scary. I talked it over with my sister who was also losing weight (Atkins) and that seemed to help. The feeling didn't last long, though, and was replace with elation that I was losing weight!

Describe your first few weeks home from the hospital. What should people expect from this period?

It was so boring being home after surgery. There isn't much to do but relax and watch tv. I did a lot of crosswords and walked up and down the street. I still had gas and had problems soiling myself once or twice. It's expected, so I'm not ashamed of it. I was tired but I did go out shopping for an hour here or there with friends or family. I didn't think about food much except when I saw those fast food ads. I rushed back to work because I was bored, but I would tire very easily the first few weeks back. My advice, take a week more than you think you need. Also, make sure you don't just sit in a chair and watch tv. Get up and walk.

How far did you travel to have your surgery? (If far, how did this affect your aftercare?)

The ride to New Haven is about 40 minutes so it isn't horrible. My husband had to drive me to my first post-op appointment. I find it a bit of a pain to drive to the support group meetings once a month, and I admit, I'm lazy about going. I hope to find one in my hometown (since the hospital where I work is now performing the surgery).

Please describe in detail what things you could and couldn't eat in the weeks and months following surgery. What foods have been off limits? Please explain how your dietary tolerance changed week-by-week, and then month-by-month since surgery.

I followed the typical staged diet - water first, broth and jello next, carnation instant breakfast followed by pureed baby food - that didn't last and I quickly turned to real meat and made sure I chewed and chewed and chewed. I tried everything once I started eating "normal" again. I never once vomited in 9.5 months. The amount you can fit changes and I find that alarming. The first bite of scrambled eggs I had made me full (painfully so) for maybe 4 hours. Now I need to eat a least one egg, some cheese and either soy sausage or ham. The PA I saw at my last post-op appointment told me not to eat until I'm full, but to gauge it by what I ate a few months ago. Go by amounts, not the full gauge.

What was your actvity level in the days and weeks after surgery?

I made sure I walked as soon as I could post-op, and did as many laps around the nurses station. As soon as I could exercise, I bought a Tony Little Gazelle and did that. My energy levels went through the roof and I found I couldn't sit still. I often get spurts of energy now where I just need to do something.

What vitamins and/or dietary supplements have you taken since your surgery?

I take a multivitamin (double dose), B-12 every other day, and calcium supplements.

What side effects (nausea, vomiting, sleep disturbace, dumping, hair loss etc.) were worse for you? For how long after surgery did they persist? How did you cope with them?

I lost a lot of hair at about 4 months. I still lose quite a bit, but it doesn't feel as thin as it did. I don't sleep well, but I'm not sure if it's my dog and/or husband's snoring. Again, I haven't vomited once. I did dump once after eating two scoops of fat free (but not sugar free) frozen yogurt. It wasn't full-fledged dumping, but I didn't feel right. My worst side effect was a hemherroid after about 2 months. I would have a bowel movement every three or four days and it would be so painful. I would barely be able to walk after, and would be in agony for at least six hours after. Finally I started drinking more water and eating at least one apple or pear a day and I am not suffering as much. I consider myself lucky after hearing about what problems I could be having.

What was the worst part about the entire bariatric surgery process?

That hemherroid.

What aftercare support group/program do you have? How helpful/important is this?

St. Raphael's offers a monthly support group meeting which is hit or miss as far as support goes for me. Initially it is geared more towards the pre-op patients. I am having trouble now with wanting to eat all the time, even though I'm not hungry, so I'd like a more personal support group. I am also reading Dr. Phil's new book on the 7 steps to weight loss. I'm hoping this helps me identify why I'm snacking even when I know I'm not hungry.

What is your scar like? Is this what you expected?

I actually have about 5 small scars since my surgery was laproscopic. They are about the size of a thumb nail and are getting lighter as time goes on. I didn't give my scars any thought because it is the least of my problems! I don't think I'll ever wear a bikini, so they don't matter to me. What I do find appalling is how my breasts have shriveled and sagged. My skin on my breast, stomach and inner thighs looks like an over inflated balloon that lost it's air. It's awful!

Please describe any plateau experiences you have had since surgery.

I was losing several pounds a day for the first month or so, and when my first plateau hit, I tried not to panic. I don't know if I went several days or a week before I began losing again, but it was a big relief when the scale started moving. The second and third times weren't as bad because I knew it would only last about a week. I kept on eating the right things and exercising and the scale started moving again. Right now I'm hovering between 163 and 161 and I've been that way for about 2 weeks. This is the one that I'm having trouble with because it's self-induced. As I mentioned before, I'm having issues with snacking and eating when I'm not hungry. I have also pretty much stopped exercising every other day to once a week or less. I think because I'm at a comfortable weight and size I'm slacking off. Maybe self-consciously I'm sabotaging myself. At any rate, I'm hoping to lose another 16lbs before my year anniversary comes around. That's only about 6lbs a month which is doable if I get back on track. I just have to convince myself to get back to work!

Do you notice people treating you any differently now?

It's terrible that I do notice people treating me differently. I remember pre-op writing that one of the reasons I wanted to lose weight was so I wouldn't be invisible. I didn't realize just how invisible I was (even weighing over 300lbs) until the weight started melting off. Sales clerks are more readily available, my boss treats me a little differently, vendors I work with are a little nicer. I remember a few months ago grocery shopping in Shaws and some of the firemen from town were buying the ingredients for their dinner. They said hello to me in an aisle and I was floored. They wouldn't have acknowledged me pre-op and you know what? I felt bad for that girl I used to be.
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