Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I was overweight as a child but I'm not sure why. I was active and didn't snack a lot. We didn't have "junk" food around. I recall eating a lot at holiday time and just stuffing myself until I felt sick. That wasn't an every day occurence, though, until I was older. I do remember becoming a closet eater probably after I turned 10. If no one was around, I would eat. It didn't really matter what I ate. After school was also a good time for me to eat - I would snack on a can of corn before dinner and feel very full. I'd still eat dinner, though. I never let my being full stop me from eating. My weight in high school was higher than normal, but not out of control. I tried Weight Watchers several times and finally Diet Center when I was 15 to lose weight for my sister's wedding. I probably started out at 180 or so and got down to 155. It was hard eating Wasa crisp when my girlfriends were eating "normal" food. Being "normal" was important to me, so my weight, and the dieting, was just another thing making me feel different. After the wedding I put the weight back on. By the time I graduated, I was over 200. I felt like a whale when I went to college, and even suffered at frat parties when I would hear comments like "she's a heavy weight." My roommate, Sandy, and I went on a high carb, low-fat, high exercise diet. I was about 220 when I started and got down to about 185 or 190. I felt really good exercising and eating low-fat. I didn't keep it up, though, and put it all back on. I was about 220 when I graduated. After graduation from college was when I got out of control. I moved back home and missed my friends tremendously. My grandfather died a few months later, and I also lost my dog. I got a lousy job and lived with my parents. I didn't have any social life whatsoever. My abuse of food soared and I ended up packing on a good 40-50lbs in about a year. I dieted off and on but never stuck with it. My doctor wanted to put me on Phen-Phen and I never filled the prescription (thank God). I met my husband who was also a big guy, but not as big as me. We ate very well while we were dating - I think I was trying to get him to love me through his stomach. Together we put on about 40lbs each - eating huge portions, snacking after supper, eating out, and not exercising. I was over 300 when we were married. I was in denial over my weight until my wedding. The first eye opener was the mini photo album my sister made for me with my bridal shower pictures. I was stunned and appalled at my size. I had no idea I let myself get that big. The day after my wedding, we watched the wedding video and I wanted to cry. I thought I had looked so beautiful but the video was glaringly obvious that I was enormous and hideous. On our honeymoon, I was stuck in the middle seat of the plane between my husband and another man. I thankfully didn't need the seat belt extension (but I would have been more comfortable with it) but I did take up more space than the width of my seat. I decided on the flight home that I was going to start Atkins. I did. I stayed on Atkins for over a year and got down to 278. I felt great about myself and thought I was thin! Talk about having a totally distorted body image! At that point, a woman at work had had a gastric bypass and she lost 40lbs instantly. She sent me information on the surgery, but the surgeon was out of state and I didn't feel like I was a good candidate at that time. I was newly married and my husband and I were considering getting pregnant. Also, Atkins was working for me and I thought I could do it for life. Well, my tolerance to eggs waned, and I was eating hamburgers or steak for breakfast. Believe me, it got old fast and I gave up. Meanwhile, Carnie Wilson had gone public with her weight loss surgery, and I was inspired by her story in People magazine. There was a picture of her on the cover and the headline read "Half Her Size". She was inside a pair of her old jeans (same size I was wearing) and could have fit another person in with her. I was in awe over her courage and jealous of her success. I was also inspired and hung that magazine cover on my fridge. I started Weight Watchers (at home) and vowed to lose as much weight as she had and I gave myself a year to do it. I didn't want to have the surgery because a man at work had had it done and was hospitalized with post-op complications (nicked bowel or something) for about 6 months. He was close to death, and I didn't think it was worth dying over. I thought Weight Watchers would work for me and it did for a while. Again, I lost about 35lbs, felt really good about myself and gained it all back when I started my new job - I was snacking at night, sometimes eating four huge meals a day. I would go to McDonalds and order two meals and eat both. Nothing seemed to fill me up. I just ate and ate and ate enormous quantities of food. My weight reached 316lbs in July of 2002. I had problems with my blood pressure, pain in my knees, I couldn't go more than a flight or two of stairs without huffing and puffing. I couldn't get pregnant and I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Disease. I knew if I didn't do something, I wasn't going to live ten more years. It was the summer of 2002 that I was in a plus size consignment store in town, looking for some clothes because nothing fit in my closet. While checking out, a few women were trying clothes on and one lady was ecstatic because she had had the surgery and was fitting in size 16. Here I was in a 3X or 4X, size 26/28 and 30/32 and I felt horrible. She and the cashier were comparing their stories about WLS and talked about their surgeon, Dr. Elmer Valin, who performed the surgery at St. Raphael's in New Haven. They were both ecstatic with their results and I left the store feeling miserable and desperate. I told my mother who was opposed to surgery about the women, and she hugged me and told me she would support me if I wanted to have it done. My husband gave me the same support. While he loved me at my heaviest, he wanted me healthy. I checked out Dr. Valin's website and called in to make an appointment. I was put on the waiting list for my initial consult and told it would be 6-9 months. In the mean time, I learned all I could about the surgery and what I needed to do to be approved by the insurance company. My PCP discouraged me from having it done and offered me prescriptions again for Redux. I refused. I became excited about the prospect of the surgery and the end of my morbid obesity.
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
Being overweight for me was a prison for me. I felt like everything that was wrong in my life was due to my weight. The worst thing about being fat, however, was not being normal. I was always different because I was fat. I hated being picked on, called names, or discriminated against because of my size. I didn't feel feminine because I was huge. I didn't have any confidence being big. I let my weight dictate what I did or didn't do.
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
I love to try on clothes! I used to pick something up in my size and buy it without trying it on. I didn't care how it looked, only that it fit and "covered" what I wanted it to cover. Now I try on just about everything and often giggle in the dressing room if I squeeze into a 7 or 8. I also love to walk fast - especially in the halls at work or at the mall. I zoom by people and weave in and out - the best part is, I'm not out of breath when I get to my destination. I used to sweat like a pig, too, whether I walked ten feet or even just moved. I barely sweat anymore, and I'm always cold! I also love to cross my legs. I never was able to cross them like a lady because my thighs were so fat. I would have to put my ankle on my knee and hold it there. Now I can cross and uncross without ever touching them. It's crazy!