How did you first find out about bariatric surgery and what were your initial impressions of it?

I was sitting on the beach in a bathing suit with my mom - imagine the awakwardness anyway. I felt so self conscious and she said to me, "have you ever thought of stomach stapling" I thought I'd die! I was so embarrassed. After that I started looking into different things and found Dr. Cowan that did gastric bypass and went to his seminar with parents. We were skeptical at first, but the doctor told us this was the only way to permanently control weight. I saw this as a "quick fix." Finally a way to forever rid myself of my second skin that caused me such misery. My parents finally agreed to support me when they convinced themselves that I would always struggle with obesity if I didn't have this done.

Describe your experience with getting insurance approval for surgery. What advice, if any, do you have for other people in this stage?

I didn't have any problems. My doctor handeled all of this. I would talk with doctor and see if they have a staff that handles insurance claims. Mine paid for everything except my part because I went out of network.

What was your first visit with your surgeon like? How can people get the most out of this meeting?

It was a seminar so a lot of people can attend. He was very imformative and told us that this was a metabolic/genetic disease that could only be "cured" through surgery.

What made you finally decide to have the surgery?

I thought it would finally solve all my problems with weight and food. I would finally be able to eat what I wanted just smaller portions and to thin. I saw nothing except that I would forever be thin and couldn't gain the weight back. I couldn't continue to go through my life with the weight and I saw this as a permanent solution.

How did you decide which proceedure to have?

I saw Dr. Cowan on a national TV show and thought that his procedure was the most permanent and dramatic as far as weight loss was concerned. Plus he was three hours from my home and two hours from my parents. I wanted permanent weight loss and this procedure produced that.

What fears did you have about having complications or even dying from from the surgery, and what would you tell other people having the same fears now?

I didn't have a lot of concious fear. I hated the hospital and had trouble dealing with the uncomfortableness of that, but I never really thought I would die. I couldn't see anything except me being skinny. I really didn't care about anything else at that point. It just wasn't a thought that concerned me. I thought about it, but I had a lot of faith in my doctor. It was a routine procedure for him and I just had a lot of faith in him.

How did your family and friends react to your decision? Would you have communicated anything differently if you could now? How supportive were they after your surgery?

Very supportive. Most of my friends thought I was crazy, but my family was supportive when they realized that I would never be able to stay thin without it. I think my parents wanted me to be thin and like everyone else so they were able to support me through this. It would have been very difficult if I had not had anyone to support me through everything though.

How did your employer/supervisor react to your decision? What did you tell him/her? How long were you out of work?

I was out of work for a month. I just took a medical leave. I told everyone that I was having surgery for a hernia and that I would need to be out that long. I didn't tell my supervisor anything. I wasn't paid for the time I took off, so I didn't think that he really needed to know what was going on with me. I also didn't feel that everyone understands this surgery and didn't feel like educating him.

What was your stay in the hospital like? How long where you there? What things are most important to bring?

I was in the hospital for five days. I hated it. I couldn't stay in bed and they tried to pump me full of drugs to get me to calm down, but it didn't work. I reopened my scar because of getting up too much and too early after the surgery. I would NEVER have the surgery on like a Thrs or something where you'd be in the hospital over the weekend. I did that and I only saw my surgeon like twice since it was on the weekend. Bring your own toliet paper because you have to be cleaned out before the surgery and I was so sore from that cheap toliet paper from going to the bathroom. Bring a stuffed animal or something that you can put on your chest when you are having to breath into the breathing machine. I guess my main advice would be to understand that you are not going to be able to just jump out of bed and do things on your own. I was so embarrased about going to the bathroom and things like that because I was overweight and so I felt the nurses were grossed out by me, but they see people like this everyday. My parents stayed the entire time and were great. I couldn't have gone through everything without them.

Did you have any complications from the surgery? If so, how did you deal with them?

I had to have a home health nurse come in for a week after I got home to give me some antibodics because I still had fever. They wanted me out of the hospital because I was so uncomfortable and couldn't stand it. I thought if I could just lay in my bed I'd feel better. I wasn't in pain just very uncomfortable. I think laying down like that is worse on you after the surgery. I'd lay in a chair after going home if I had to do again because I was just miserably uncomfortable. I didn't do the breathing exercises like I should so they had to have a respitory therapist come in to help me. He would come in at all hours of the night. That effected my parents because they wanted to sleep, but not me because I couldn't sleep.

In the weeks after you got your surgery date, how did you feel? How did you cope with any anxiety you might have felt?

I was anxious to get it done. My parents and I decided to go and eat at everyone of my favorite restrauants and cook all my favorite foods since I wouldn't ever be able to just "pig out" again. Since I didn't know what foods I would tolerate after the surgery I wanted to eat everything I loved before the surgery. I would recommend this because I look back now and think how I'd love to just dig into a certain food and eat it like I used to and I can't, but I did get to eat everything I wanted prior to suregery.

Describe your first few weeks home from the hospital. What should people expect from this period?

I was miserable. I was just so uncomfortable. I went to my parents house. I just felt that I couldn't relax. I wasn't in a lot of pain, just discomfort. I hated trying to eat. Nothing tasted good even if I did get hungry which was rare. My mother was an angel. She made everything like the doctor had said. I was a horrible patient. I didn't want to eat anything or do anything the doctor had said. I just wanted to get back to my apartment and lay in my bed. I don't know if others experience this discomfort, but I did. I do remember finally getting back to may apartment after the surgery, my parents left and I literally didn't know what to do with myself. My only hobby was eating and now I couldn't do that. I ordered a pizza, had one bite and threw up all night long. I couldn't understand the concept of your stomach is a babies and you can't give it whatever it wants. I just thought I could eat normal and you can't. You have to gradually work your way back up to foods. This was very difficult for me to grasp.

How far did you travel to have your surgery? (If far, how did this affect your aftercare?)

I traveled three hours. Yes it effected my aftercare. I didn't get the support that I really needed. There was no way to attend the support groups and my doctor didn't suggest any other alternatives, so I basically just was on my own, trying to understand what was happening to me. I never thought about the internet and don't know if there was a lot out there three years ago, but I had no support and no one to understand what I was going through. It was very difficult.

Please describe in detail what things you could and couldn't eat in the weeks and months following surgery. What foods have been off limits? Please explain how your dietary tolerance changed week-by-week, and then month-by-month since surgery.

At first I could eat nothing. Even in the hospital the liquid diet, I couldn't tolerate. I had no apetite. I was a horrible example - I couldn't drink after trying to eat something so I became obsessed with having to find foods that I could drink after eating. So for a month all I ate was chicken noodle soup broth. That way I could drink afterwards. I was very thirsty a lot and also obsessed that I couldn't just chug water. Sodas were almost impossible because of the carbo and even now three years later, I have to drink slower. I ate refried beans, mashed potatoes, ragu spagetti sauce, jello, soups - I just really didn't eat a lot at all. I lost almost all my weight in the first nine months. I remember rejoicing when I ate chips and salsa and that worked well. I craved salt a lot. I don't feel that I'm a good example for food because my nutrition is horrible today even. If I eat too fast, drink too soon, eat too much, or am stressed when eating, I'll get sick and lose my food. Sugars were difficult to deal with because of the dumping. I didn't eat a lot of sweets at first, but after like the first year, I ate nothing but sweets. Now I eat so much candy and stuff. It makes me sick sometimes, but I could never have candy growing up and it's like now I can have it without the guilt and I just eat it like crazy. I can not drink real cokes - high frutose corn syrup I think is what can really knock me out. I can't really be specific about week by week or month by month since I didn't eat anything basically except what I've already described. Now I have trouble still tolerating pork, chicken, salads, breads with meals, corn, rice, real cokes, and sweets early in the morning. I can eat steak which I didn't think I'd be able to. I have to eat everything slow and just can't drink right after certain meals. I now have to eat to live instead of live to eat. Psychologically this has been torture for me. I want to binge on my comfort foods and can't. The mentality that you can eat anything you want, just smaller portions didn't work for me. There are foods that I just can't eat and eating is certainly not the same. It is no longer enjoyable to eat foods. It becomes a hassel at times and if I'm stressed I quickly stop eating and begin to start throwing up a lot again. It is very different then they way I thought eating would be.

What was your actvity level in the days and weeks after surgery?

Very low. I had and have had very little energy since the surgery. Because I didn't eat properly and didn't always take my vitamins I was sick I think more than usual. I have yet to really become active as far as exercise, but am feeling much more engetic lately

What vitamins and/or dietary supplements have you taken since your surgery?

I'm taking a B12 shot each month that I give myself. I take a prescription Iron pill since I was diagnosed with anemia, I take a flinstone children's vitamin. I took zinc at one point to help with my hair loss which helped that. I was encouraged to drink protein shakes, but never really did.

What side effects (nausea, vomiting, sleep disturbace, dumping, hair loss etc.) were worse for you? For how long after surgery did they persist? How did you cope with them?

The worst side effect has been the psychological effects the surgery has had on me. I don't know myself anymore and have had to start trying to find something to do with myself instead of eat and hide my emotions in food. I have had quite a bit of vomiting. I used to throw up around six-seven times a day. I could keep very little down. I didn't have much of an apetite. I still have the dumping especially if I eat sweets to early in the day. I have hypoglycemia of some sort where I become very shaky and light headed if I don't eat or if I eat too much sweets. Hair loss was never huge for me. I had it probably two,three months after surgery. The zinc supplement helped that. I main side effects have been the psychological and vomiting.

What was the worst part about the entire bariatric surgery process?

Psychologically it has been very hard for me. I don't think that I was prepared for the surgery's aftermath. I really thought my eating would be the same and since I used food as a coping mechanism, I didn't know what to do when I didn't have it. I developed or exacerbated my exsiting eating disorder by learning very quickly how to make myself throw up. So as I became better and started eating more, I started thinking I was going to gain the weight back and began to make myself throw up. I thought the surgery would rid me of my complusion to eat, but it did nothing but magnify all me problems. It is a good thing in a way because I thought my main problem was being fat and now that I'm not fat, I realize that isn't the problem. It has been difficult adjusting to my new body size, trying to get my body image straight in my head, deal with the loss of food. I wish I had been more prepared and had spoken with more people and understood more about how I would change forever with my eating habits. I may not have even heard anyone when they were talking because I was so blind sided that once I had the surgery life would be perfect that I didn't want to hear any negatives. I would have it again in a minute though. Eventhough I've been so sick and had trouble dealing at least I can move through the world now in what society thinks is a "normal" body size. I now have new fears - would my new husband have looked at me twice without the surgery? I feel like a fat person trapped now in a thin body. May sound strange and something that if I had heard before my surgery would have thought "shut up your thin at least" But a girlfriend of mine is getting married and she is very overweight and she is trying to lose weight before wedding and said how jealous she was of me. I told her I was jealous of her now because she knew someone accepted her for her size the way she is and that she can relax in knowing that this man loves her for her not her image and body size. The psychological ramifications are very profound.

What aftercare support group/program do you have? How helpful/important is this?

I had nothing - I would have been so much more relaxed if I'd found and participated in an aftercare program. I think it is crucial.

What is your scar like? Is this what you expected?

Very big - all the way from my breast bone to below my belly button. It is bigger in the middle because I reopened mine from being so anxious in the hospital. Yes it is what I expected. It really isn't that big of a deal except I don't feel comfortable showing off my stomach or wearing bikini's - not that I would anyway.

Do you notice people treating you any differently now?

Yes. I'm not accepted in the world now. Our society doesn't like fat people and don't accept fat as a genetic problem. It is seen as a weakness and a direct reflection of your character. My family treats me differently or maybe I just react differently to them. I feel more comfortable to eat and do what I want in front of them instead of sneaking food around them. I no longer feel like the black sheep of the family. I'm married now, I feel more comfortable in my surroundings because they are designed for thinner people. It is hard to determine if I have changed my attitude toward people or if it is the other person.