What's on your mind?

Hi everyone Our month is almost here. I am scheduled for the 12th of December. I have had so many feelings I don't know if I cansort them out. I am finding hard to talk with my friends about these things. They try to help but every one keeps saying "You'll be fine". I guess I believe that because I am not afraid of surgery. I am not afraid of pain or recovery. It just seems like, maybe, I don't know, fear of the unknown? What will it be like to not be able to eat but small portions, get in all that protein? Will I be able to handle the changes? I know many others have and I have no reason to believe I won't but still...That old nagging "failure tape" keeps running through my head. "You can't do it, It won't work for you, You don't deserve it..." on and on and on. At this point I am just sharing. I don't realy want any advice, but support would be great. If any one else is having the same problem? what are you doing to calm yourself and be ready?

I thought that I would be so ready when my time came but the failure tape, as you call it, is on repeat. I have had a dream a few times that I just ate my way through the pouch. I mean just literally bust it right there at the dinner table. I want to use this tool effectively and I have a fear that I will fail. I wonder if I will be able to tolerate any of the protein drinks and what will I do if I can't. How will I live if I find I can only eat hot dogs and sausage or other processed foods that I sometimes have read that postops end up living off of . I want to be healthier and eating beef jerky for protein sure doesn't sound all that healthy. I want to be able to eat whole nutritious foods and I wonder if I will be able to. There is really no turning back now. I am keeping my eyes on Jesus and asking Him to help me to assuage these fears. Good to know I am not the only one. Vickie

i am a little scared of the chewing your food-to-liquid thing. i swallow without thinking.. i am worried i will give myself a blockage. and the whole cant-drink-with-your-meal thing too. those ar just habits i will have to break, not complaining just a little nervous about them, lol. most of my family has been supportive, just one brother thinks i am doomed and thinking what would happen if i didnt make it. he is so cheerful :\ but i just take deep breaths and give it all to faith. i have faith in the surgeon, the hospital and even in myself to know that i will be able to handle whatever is thrown at me. CONGRATS, God bless and *hugs*

I too am a lil fearful of this & I know I will be fine but I also have the nagging feeling that I might fail when it comes to the lil things which are very important. The sipping liquids & chewing things to death are the 2 that worry me the most. Because just like the prev poster I too just swallow without thinking. I have been practicing with both but I have still not mastered it. & it worries me. The way I calm myself is I just remind myself it's not going to happen overnight it takes time to learn & break old habits. So I take a deep breath & get ready for the next lesson. Good Luck Laura M. Las Vegas, NV

I'm glad for this forum too. None of my friends or family are going through what we are, right here, right now At least we can all relate to eachother! What helps me to keep track of the details is to map everything out, day by day, or even hour by hour; a week, or month at a time. Then I don't have to worry about the details, I can just mentally "check out". I don't have to keep track of what's next, I just look at the list. Those things that are left over, after all the cupboards have been stocked, and the will has been noterized, etc., now I have the time (and energy) to work through the emotions. My post-op worries: I've been really trying to take smaller bites, and chew my food, but I find that if I'm not thinking about it, I'm back to wolfing it down. What'll happen post-op? I dunno, but folks say that if you do anything for a month, the habit sticks. I also love to drink liquids with my meal. My mouth gets parched! So I was stressing how I was going to handle this post-op, then it was like "thought insertion" by the Diety, "Wendell, you won't be eating enough for your mouth to get parched!" Hey, made sense to me. Now I don't stress (about that at least!) As far as playing old tapes, the best advise that was passed on to me was this: Your mind is like a river. Every so often a thought floats by. You have a choice whether or not you want to pick up that thought or not. You can choose to just let it keep floating down the river. Every time you choose to let it just keep floating by, it will appear again less often. Conversly, the more you pick it up and look at it, the more often you'll see it coming down the river, again, and again. Ultimately, you can't control the thoughts that float down the river of your mind, but you can choose which thoughts you'll entertain. Hope this advice will help you as much as it's helped me! Good Luck! ww