Struggling

I don't want to sound like a whiney baby but somethings not right these days. I have been struggling for the past 3 months mostly in silence but I need some advice or maybe just someone to let me know hey it's ok we've all been here.
At my last appointment I was feeling like I was being pressured to maintain my weight in order to get my plastics referral. Now don't get me wrong I understand that the plastic surgeons want weight stability before surgery but I just felt like I wasn't ready to maintain the weight that I was. Also I have been obsessing over my loose skin. So anyway it's gotten so bad that it's all I think about so I tryed to start maintaining against my own judgment which lead me to using more snacks, more grazing and I put junk food back into my diet. I feel like chocolate is my best friend now and I can't make it through a day without eating some form of chocolate. Brutally honest to myself and my OH friends, just the other day I ate 6 Halloween bars. My new found eating habits are playing havoc on me both mentally and physically. I feel like I lost some of my motivation and a part of me in the process.
I need to regain control but I somehow don't know where to start. I have missed not only days but weeks of journeling and have since put it back on my kitchen table so I have to see it. I did promise myself 2 weeks ago that I would start taking my vitamins again everyday and so far so good I haven't missed a day. I struggle with getting enough fluids in but I don't know how to change that. I was on a good exercise kick for a while and then hurt my back so I haven't been doing as much but my work keeps me very active in the walking department so I don't' think exercise is an issue.
Anyway thanks all for letting me vent. I guess I just need to put on my big girl panties and get refocus.

Kee.

God Bless You!  Thank you sooo much for posting this message. I'm there right beside you.  Same thing, message from the clinic, start maintaining, I feel I'm a good 30+ from where I'm going to be happy maintaining, so I want to lose more, so for a month I've eaten myself stupid, and yup GAINED weight.  I think my problem was also the idea of plastic surgery already.  I am by no means financially ready to deal with that cost and obviously mentally I'm not ready to deal with the emotional cost.  I've done the same things, no diary, and if I did it wasn't very truthful.  Limited exersize, I used to easily to 10,000 steps, now I'm lucky to get 6,000.  I tell myself it's just one little whatever, but it's likely 300+ calories a day, so it adds up.  I've been feeling like a total "loser" and not in my formerly positive use of that word.  Right now for me it's Starbucks Soy Latte and gingerbread biscotti that have my weight heading north.  I think what we need to do is try to focus on getting back to our basics (which sounds so easy, but NOT), I've been working hard at just 3 meals - 1 snack (I cut back the afternoon snack because it was becoming a 3 hr snack festival), diary honestly, and move my butt.  So far this week I did lose a lb which in my mind is now progress.  But it has me totally freaked out, I want the plastics surgery, but my actions don't seem to be telling me I want it, or maybe it's the financial stress about it freaking me out???!!  I don't know but I'm so thankful for your post because now I know I'm not alone.

It looks like you've both done fantastic so far - you've lost a lot of weight.  I would think what is happening must happen to everyone at one point or another.  I know it has certainly happened to me during a regular lifetime of dieting.  Our minds, even with all the modules and hard work, still play games.  My surgery is coming up but it does terrify me knowing that somewhere down the road, I'll go back to my old way of thinking.  I suppose we can only trust that the resolve we have found before will win over more often.  It's just a blip in your life and I'm sure you'll get that control back once more. Good luck to you both!

Hi...you have done great !!  We all will go through slumps....I was put off panni surgery for 12+ months although I did maintain my weightloss.  I've since had the panni surgery and have had nothing but problems since the beginning (Oct. 19) 

Mentally it is very hard, I hated looking at my skin, but it will all be done !!  Will you get surgery in Edmonton?  and who will be your surgeon?

I wish you the best of luck, and you will get back at it !!  We tend to beat ourselves up about it, you are great and tell yourself that all the time !!

Best Wishes,
Rhonda

Kee:

First thing first, you are not alone! All of us struggle - whether it is pre or post surgery. Secondly, you noticed what was happening and are now trying to fix it...so good on you!

Honestly Kee - I've been struggling a ton lately as well. Mentally and emotionally. You are taking the right steps and that is all people can ask of you. I'm here for you if you need to talk or even just vent! I hope you know my new number...if not I'll facebook it to you. Hope to talk soon!

Thank you all for posting, it is all of you that kept me going from the start.  I am going through the same thing right now, I have avoided coming on here for the longest time out of shame of what I was doing.  I don't even know what to say that hasn't been said, even dumping syndrome from the sugar doesn't stop me some days....Is anyone having a hard time getting their head to catch up with their body? I am a comfortable size 10 on my way to some 8 (stupid loose skin)and when I look at the clothing it looks small but when I look at my image I see big!  I can't get past that and I admit it.  I am afraid of what my self image and sneaky eating is going to do! I can't fail at this! Hugs to you all, we will beat this!!!

 Not alone on this one. I had a rough go around Hallowe'en. My grandma fell at home and was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I had to look after her house and she had those darn treat sized Cadbury Crunchie bars in the box. I took out all the crunchies and ate them over a few days. I'd go to her house to get her something she needed in hospital and eat 4 bars while I was there.

I started getting dessert at lunch again and not eating as well as I should be. I beat myself up about it a little. But, then I realised, I'm still human. I still make mistakes. I shook myself off, and got back in the proverbial saddle. My weight loss didn't stop, the world didn't end because I ate a few (too many) chocolate bars. I think we all need a little rebellion at times and it's good to use that energy to refocus ourselves. I'm hating my loosey goosey skin too, but I'm not ready for plastics yet. I think I'm gonna wait a year and see if anything firms up on its own and with a little exercise.

That's my downfall right there. Exercise. I hate it. So I don't do it. PIlls. I hate taking them too. They make me sick. So I stopped taking them. My labs are all good, and my doc knows I'm not taking them. I should, but I don't with any regularity. 

I think by denying myself something I want it all that much more to the point I obsess over it. So I stopped doing that and I eat it now. Oddly I crave fruit much more than junk. I have days where I eat 3 apples. I just think it's my body's way of telling me what nutrients I am needing. If I want a french fry I have a french fry, but the further out I am, the less I want that garbage. The smell of it alone is nauseating to me. 

We should all be kinder to ourselves and extend the same give to ourselves that we freely give to others.