Husband not supportive of progress

I am having a really bad night.  I am due to get banded in a month.  I have so many changes I am going through now to get ready for this.  I just quit smoking last week and it has been very stressful on me.  He has not been supportive at all this week.  In fact he is treating me badly because I am stressing. ( I smoked for 20 some years and just quit cold turkey and its not easy)  I am worried that when I actually get banded ,he isn't going to support me at all.  Anyone else feeling this way.

I feel for you!!  My marriage didn't survive WLS.  In my case it wasn't all WLS related, but losing weight brought existing issues to a head.  

I also quit smoking to have my surgery, and honestly, I haven't looked back.  I also had smoked almost 20 years at that point, took Chantix and have been smoke free for 3 years now.  You will be glad you quit.  You will also be glad that you took steps to lose weight and get healthier.  

Your husband could be feeling very insecure.  He could be intimidated by your newfound strength to quit smoking and wondering how much more you are going to change after losing weight.  Take the time to reassure him that you love him and let him know that you want his support. 

Good luck to you, I hope that he can learn to give you the support you will need.  

Sometimes others are not supportive and we have to support ourselves. Don't let his "lack of support" stop u from doing what u want to do...........weather it's the band, or anything else in your life!!!

Some say there is a higher incidence of divorce in the WLS community. I think it makes a good marriage better, it makes a bad marriage worse.

A lot of ppl that were in bad marriages have more self esteem after WLS and are more willing then to make the changes they need for a healthier/happier life. This often includes getting rid of toxic relationships.

Congrats on quitting! U will fell so much better.

i have to agree with maria my first group meeting for wls that was the topic and they said the same thing about marriage . maybe he fears your gonna change after wls . I would sit down and have a heart to heart with him.

Wow sounds like my story all over again.  My husband was up and down the whole way.  In fact he threw the switch on my surgery 3 times.  I was fortunate enough that the surgeon didn't just get rid of me after so much chaos!  In my case my husband had a mother who had gastric bypass in the 70's and he saw her personality change for the worse.  Personally, I think she was bipolar and had many other issues before that and the surgery made her issues even more worse because it was a cut and run surgery back then, no support groups at all.  My husband and I have been through alot in the past 3-4 years, some of which have been bad, enough to want me to leave all together.  But I have hung in there but his attitude is just immature and selfish.  I just got banded last week without his permission and without his knowledge.  I spoke with friends and even my family and they all supported me with this and that was enough for me.  He will have to work out his own demons if he wants this to keep this marriage.  I am a mother of 4 children and a wife of 21 years and I never have put myself first in anything.  This was the first time ever and so far I am grateful that it has gone well.  I will keep my fingers crossed and hope I continue on this journey without any problems.  Good luck to you.

I am so sorry you are going through this.  My husband has been 100% behind me on this so I cant say or tell you what to do on this situation but I just feel bad for you .

I do congrats on you not smoking though.  And yes I put my husband through the ringer the first week I quit.  I have been smoke free for 2 1/2 months now and the first week was a killer.

He does not smoke but rubs snuff and I actually sat there and yelled at him for having it in the house and spitting in bottles .  It was somthing he did after he ate and if I couldnt smoke then by gosh he wasnt going to rub snuff.

Like you I quit cold turkey I just did not feel comfortable taking any kind of drugs to quit. I was a pack and half smoker.  I thought ot myself when I quit what was more important losing weight and getting this surgery or smoking probably dieing from being over weight and on top of it bad lungs and on oxygen.

But I will tell you my husband does have some insercurties *sp*  He works from home Mon through Friday and it scares him that after I lose all my weight that I might find somebody that will be home every night with me, somebody that will help raise our son and be home for his stuff he is 15 now .

I have reminded him yes there will be changes but it will be for the best we can do more stuff together I can go to his fishing spots then because now I cant go to them and most important
I told  him why would I get rid of a man that treats me like a queen when I was 350 pounds ? 


Just remember Ocmomma that we are going through changes to , but our husbands have to deal with changes to so this isnt something WE just go through its our husbands to.  So, before I start yelling or telling husband that is silly I sit back and ponder his side of the situation also.

I hope things work out and Im sure hubby is supportive of you but just as scared as you are .

I am sorry to hear you are going through this. I have a problem with my husband as well he has not been supportive at all he doesnt want me to get the surgery because he says I will lose my weight and leave him. We have been together for 15 years I dont know why he would think that. My daughter is having issues with me getting it as well. She is in jortc and her sargent has talked bad about people who get wieght lost surgery. He has told them that the people is just to lazy to lose the weight and that they will be sick the rest of their life because of it so now she doesnt want me to get it. I am 33 years old It is time that I put myself first and do this for me my family will see it's the best thing I could ever do. I hope your husband starts to help you and support you if not this site really helps with support. Best of luck with quitting smoking and your band

I, too am sorry to all of you who have husbands who don't support your decision to have WLS.  My husband has been supportive 110%.  Now that I've lost more than 80 pounds, he can really notice it when he puts his arms around me.  If anything, he wants to look into WLS for himself.

I'm not sure I could do it without my husband's support.  I mean, I could, but I know me, and I would be so resentful toward him eventually, that I know our relationship would suffer.  As someone else said, WLS can make good marriages better and bad marriages worse.  I hope you and your husband can find a way to work it out for the better.