o/T sort of.

I don't know what's happening here but when I was heavier my husband and I were very happy.   I lost almost 100 lbs and we are at eachother's throats.  I am snapping at him, he snaps back.   It's getting to the point where he said he might move out.   Did this surgery kill any marriages out there? 

That's very common. Many marriages are very stressed by this procedure. You're both likely very stressed by all the changes that your family is going through, and taking it out on each other.

You might look into some counselling, or ask to meet with the social worker from your bariatric program, to find some solutions.

Good luck. How far out are you? 

Hi Sweetpea

I'm so sorry to hear that things are rough between you and your husband after your weight loss, but apparently it's not uncommon. I've attached a story that ran in our local newspaper this weekend about a couple who experienced similar problems. Good for you for losing so much weight - what a fantastic accomplishment! I'm thinking that perhaps your husband is worried about how attractive you are now that you're so much thinner? Maybe he's afraid that you'll leave him for another man? It might be the farthest thing from your mind but apparently it's a pretty common fear for the spouses of people who've lost a lot of weight. Is couples counselling an option, do you think? Have you sat down and had a serious talk and asked him why he's so snappish? Has something else changed in your relationship - job loss, finances, his health?  I'll say a little prayer that you can work this out, sweetpea.
Here's the link to the newspaper article:
http://www.freep.com/article/20110522/FEATURES01/105220308
You can also google "bariatric divorce" to find lots of info on this.

Deb

thanks Deb.   That is true.  He keeps saying, "oh look you are going to lose all your weight and then you won't need me anymore."   The only thing is I do the snapping and then he snaps back.  It's like we are two bowls in a china shop.  I don't believe in counselling.  I went with my first husband and we ended up arguing over what the counsellor was saying.  That ended in divorce.  Thanks for you prayer.  I guess I should be doing my prayers too. take care,

Sweet pea

I had my surgery on April 1-2011. I have lost 53 LBS and I have gone from a nice, compassionate, patient person to being a b*tch. I try so hard to keep control of my emotions and the more I try the worse it gets. I have no patience at all about anything. I am trying very hard to keep a 5 year relationship going but it gets more difficult with every visit. I am told it is due to a hormone imbalance and rapid weight loss. Take a while for body and mind to get a grip on all this. Sure hope I get back to normal real soon as I don't really think I like the person I have become. My son lives with me so I am going to go for counseling before things get way too far out of hand here at home. I hope that this will be the best route for me. Good luck.   

Its been only 3 months since my RNY surgery and I have noticed changes in me that do affect
our relationship. We have been married for 36 yrs and thankfully this WLS has made me more
of a participant in social events, and exercise related events.. touristy stuff, outdoor walks etc..
than before. Hubby always gave in to my unwillingness to try different things when we travelled as I was not physically fit enough to risk my health with moderately strenuous exercise etc..
now I am more willing to try different events etc.. as I feel healthier. I am an outgoing person by nature, so I must say my WLS has not made my personality change that much.. the biggest change has been in my self-confidence and willingness to be more active. I would say that thankfully, the WLS has strengthened our relationship as we now do more things together than we did before.

But.. I firmly believe marriage, to be successful, requires 100%  effort on both parties behalf to be successful. A lot of give and take.. and adaptation to new situations that arise. If you and your spouse want your marriage to work.. you have to address the issues head on with your spouse and work the wrinkles out so that life continues smoothly and lovingly. just MHO.

I have read a few articles on how WLS affects marriage relationships.. here are some links that provide interesting points of view..
http://gastricbypasstruth.com/88/how-gastric-bypass-can-affe ct-your-marriage/ and 
http://www.ehow.com/how_2100493_maintain-relationships-after -weight-loss.html
and http://jkweightlossjourney.blogspot.com/2010/08/relationship -changes.html .

suzyq0052

i am pre op but have recently separated from my husband.  He has some depression issues and i think my looming surgery and the changes it will bring had a huge part in his leaving.  I still hope to reconcile as i have been with him for 16yrs but  know that my health has to be the most important focus in my life right now.  there is a couples retreat here in Niagara that is suppose to have a 90% success rate with couples in crisis.  Hope everything works out for you

From what I've read, WLS does put a strain on relationships. Particularly when the other spouse is overweight and feels insecure about their partners feelings.

I was a major ***** while losing and have always taken St Johns Wort for that.  but since the surgery i found the capsules weren't working (Lack of stomach acids). I found it in pill form and I'm back to being mild mannered (mostly), so the ***** only comes out once in awhile, not like before.

I hope things work out for you.

All the best

Janice