What if I die?
Hi all
First post here. Long time lurker. First of all I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the help and advice given so far to other posters, your kindness blows me away.
Sorry if this is a bit long and rambly.....
Bit of background knowledge. I'm 25 and the eldest of 6 girls. I've effectively helped raise my little sisters for the good part of 15 years so am very protective of them and my mum. Our entire family has issues with food and despite being quite active for a fatty I cannot control my eating.
Started looking into WLS last summer and am scheduled for RYN towards end of April/beginning of May. The surgery itself does not scare me. Despite being 406lbs I have no co-morbidities (but it's pretty much guaranteed I can''t doge that bullet forever, hence the surgery) and think the biggest risk will probably be the anaesthetic.
I've never had an operation before. Never been seriously ill. Never broken a bone (touch wood!) but i'm really starting to worry that this op will kill me.
I don't believe in God and heaven and think if I do die that'll be that. What scares me the most is leaving my sisters and mum behind. We'll had a lot of family problems these past 3 years (one sister is sectioned due to mental health issues, one on the verge of alcoholism....) and I think if I die my mum won't be able to cope. Who will be there to help look after the little ones? Who will talk my sister down when she's feeling suicidal? Who will keep the family together?
I know I need this op to prevent dying young from the effects of obesity and I know I cannot do this on my own but how do you reconcile with yourself that if you die you're going to mess up lots of other people's lives?
First post here. Long time lurker. First of all I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for all the help and advice given so far to other posters, your kindness blows me away.
Sorry if this is a bit long and rambly.....
Bit of background knowledge. I'm 25 and the eldest of 6 girls. I've effectively helped raise my little sisters for the good part of 15 years so am very protective of them and my mum. Our entire family has issues with food and despite being quite active for a fatty I cannot control my eating.
Started looking into WLS last summer and am scheduled for RYN towards end of April/beginning of May. The surgery itself does not scare me. Despite being 406lbs I have no co-morbidities (but it's pretty much guaranteed I can''t doge that bullet forever, hence the surgery) and think the biggest risk will probably be the anaesthetic.
I've never had an operation before. Never been seriously ill. Never broken a bone (touch wood!) but i'm really starting to worry that this op will kill me.
I don't believe in God and heaven and think if I do die that'll be that. What scares me the most is leaving my sisters and mum behind. We'll had a lot of family problems these past 3 years (one sister is sectioned due to mental health issues, one on the verge of alcoholism....) and I think if I die my mum won't be able to cope. Who will be there to help look after the little ones? Who will talk my sister down when she's feeling suicidal? Who will keep the family together?
I know I need this op to prevent dying young from the effects of obesity and I know I cannot do this on my own but how do you reconcile with yourself that if you die you're going to mess up lots of other people's lives?
Hi and welcome to posting! Great avatar 
The feelings and thoughts you are having are perfectly normal - it would be worrying if you weren't having them!
Some people find peace in writing letters to loved ones saying exactly what they want in the event that something happens. I'm pretty sure you'll get to tear those up!!!
When you get to the hospital, tell the anaesthetist about your fears and he/she'll give you something to calm you down - don't get yourself all amped up just before you go to theatre! I went from shaking with fear to telling everyone (complete strangers) how much I loved them and fell asleep to the sound of the OR staff's laughter!!!!
Good luck and look forward to seeing you post more!
The feelings and thoughts you are having are perfectly normal - it would be worrying if you weren't having them!
Some people find peace in writing letters to loved ones saying exactly what they want in the event that something happens. I'm pretty sure you'll get to tear those up!!!
When you get to the hospital, tell the anaesthetist about your fears and he/she'll give you something to calm you down - don't get yourself all amped up just before you go to theatre! I went from shaking with fear to telling everyone (complete strangers) how much I loved them and fell asleep to the sound of the OR staff's laughter!!!!
Good luck and look forward to seeing you post more!
Proud Feminist, Atheist, LGBT friend, and Democratic Socialist
Although it is possible with ANY surgery, chances of dying during surgery are extremely small. It is a common fear especially for those who have never had surgery, but there are many of us here who have had a dozen surgeries. If people are tryi to scare you out of having surgery with stories about knowing someone whose sister (or aunt or cousin or whomever) died during (or right after) surgery, ask them for that person's name. Usually they cannot provide one. If as many people died from this surgery as people CLAIM to know of, surgeons would not be allowed to perform it.
Yes, there is a risk of complications but there are complications that you will CERTAINLY have eventually if you do not get the weight off. Try to focus on how much better your life will be -- and the quality of the lives of the children -- when you are healthy and active.
Lora
Yes, there is a risk of complications but there are complications that you will CERTAINLY have eventually if you do not get the weight off. Try to focus on how much better your life will be -- and the quality of the lives of the children -- when you are healthy and active.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
It is a tough emotional situation, but look at the statistics and ask your surgeon about his / her statistics. The stats I got in the US is that there are about 1 out of a 1000 fatalities for this surgery. This is much lower risk that getting on the road....
At 400+ lbs you will probably pick up a co-morbidity sooner rather than later - I got diabetes and when my toes got infected last year and wouldn't heal for weeks I decided to do this surgery.
It is your decision, but ultimately I think you arte doing the right thing!! Does the British health system pay for this type of surgery?
Good luck!!
At 400+ lbs you will probably pick up a co-morbidity sooner rather than later - I got diabetes and when my toes got infected last year and wouldn't heal for weeks I decided to do this surgery.
It is your decision, but ultimately I think you arte doing the right thing!! Does the British health system pay for this type of surgery?
Good luck!!
Thank you all for your quick replies and your warm welcome!
I'm generally a logical person and everything you say makes sense. I'm a 100% set on the surgery... it's late at night that thought start niggling their way into my head and I start panicking
Two of the girls that I work with have had the band fitted and my grandfather had the RYN about ten years ago. Our tabloid newspapers over here like to pick up on the horror stories but logically I know the mortality rate is low and I have more chance of dying a slow death from my weight
JC - the NHS will pay for the surgery if you have a BMI of at least 35 or co-morbidities. Britain's finally starting to wake up to what an epidemic obesity is
My partner is sick of me moaning that I just want to get it over and done with and get on with the start of my new life, it's the wait that's killing me!
I'm generally a logical person and everything you say makes sense. I'm a 100% set on the surgery... it's late at night that thought start niggling their way into my head and I start panicking
Two of the girls that I work with have had the band fitted and my grandfather had the RYN about ten years ago. Our tabloid newspapers over here like to pick up on the horror stories but logically I know the mortality rate is low and I have more chance of dying a slow death from my weight
JC - the NHS will pay for the surgery if you have a BMI of at least 35 or co-morbidities. Britain's finally starting to wake up to what an epidemic obesity is
My partner is sick of me moaning that I just want to get it over and done with and get on with the start of my new life, it's the wait that's killing me!
For me, it was a harder reconciliation, because I wasn't at the point where I was sick and becoming a threat to myself. I was fairly active and, with the exception of being fat, very healthy. So I felt I was taking more of a gamble, risking my relative health for the potentially fatal effects of surgery.
However, I wouldn't be obsessing over my possible potential death if I needed to have my wisdom teeth surgically removed, my tonsils taken out, or an appendectomy. And the mortality rate of Bypass on someone like me is about the same as any of those surgeries.
You COULD die, sure. But you could also be hit by a bus on your way to work.
Life isn't guaranteed to any of us, and it could change at any moment. So you should do everything you can to make sure your life is as good as it can be while you have it. If that means having surgery to protect your health and turn around unhealthy habits, I'd say that's a risk definitely worth taking.
However, I wouldn't be obsessing over my possible potential death if I needed to have my wisdom teeth surgically removed, my tonsils taken out, or an appendectomy. And the mortality rate of Bypass on someone like me is about the same as any of those surgeries.
You COULD die, sure. But you could also be hit by a bus on your way to work.
Life isn't guaranteed to any of us, and it could change at any moment. So you should do everything you can to make sure your life is as good as it can be while you have it. If that means having surgery to protect your health and turn around unhealthy habits, I'd say that's a risk definitely worth taking.
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Check out my video blog! www.youtube.com/user/HappilyShrinking/videos
Highest weight: 269. Surgery weight: 233. Goal weight: 144, and then we'll see..
Check out my video blog! www.youtube.com/user/HappilyShrinking/videos
Highest weight: 269. Surgery weight: 233. Goal weight: 144, and then we'll see..
Hi there. I am on track to have the surgery around the same time as you. I am a nurse and occasionally work in the OR, so maybe I have a different perspective than you. I have never been on a case where someone didn't make it due to anesthesia. I am nervous, though, since I have never been put under general anesthesia, but I am just trying to ignore that part, honestly. If I focus on it, it might keep me from having the surgery because I would not want to leave my 2 little kids without a mother. I do believe in God, but it still scares me! Anyway, just wanted to comment that maybe we can be buddies on this journey since we are due to have surgery about the same time
Good luck and try not to think of the scary stuff :).
Good luck and try not to think of the scary stuff :).
I'm close to surgery, and am concerned that my son, daughter (both all grown up now), and kitty will have no one if I die. I've made a will, and acknowledging death has given me many Be Here Now moments.
Last spring I got on an airplane for the first time since 1975. I've been phobic about flying. That's just not the way I wanted to die. But I longed to go to the UK, and, lacking an aquacar, I couldn't drive there; lacking a trust fund, I couldn't cruise there, so I flew.
* What got me in that plane, besides Xanax, was taking out a huge accidental death insurance policy with my kids as beneficiaries. It gave me instant peace of mind. I envisioned myself riding the flaming cabin to the ground, smiling all the way at the thought of my children's future well-being.
I'm going to do that again with the surgery. The "children" and cat will miss me if I don't make it, but I will have given them something.
Last spring I got on an airplane for the first time since 1975. I've been phobic about flying. That's just not the way I wanted to die. But I longed to go to the UK, and, lacking an aquacar, I couldn't drive there; lacking a trust fund, I couldn't cruise there, so I flew.
* What got me in that plane, besides Xanax, was taking out a huge accidental death insurance policy with my kids as beneficiaries. It gave me instant peace of mind. I envisioned myself riding the flaming cabin to the ground, smiling all the way at the thought of my children's future well-being.
I'm going to do that again with the surgery. The "children" and cat will miss me if I don't make it, but I will have given them something.
I had surgery 3 years ago and my kids were just 2 and 3 when I went in!! I was not afraid - i was excited LOL!! My husband was 10,000 times more nervous than I was!
I do not have religion either so I did not give it to God like many do. I just look at it like this: Doctors are in the business of saving lives. They will do everything they can to prevent a death. It is their job, it is their passion. Have faith in your surgeon!
Best wishes to you!!
I do not have religion either so I did not give it to God like many do. I just look at it like this: Doctors are in the business of saving lives. They will do everything they can to prevent a death. It is their job, it is their passion. Have faith in your surgeon!
Best wishes to you!!
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