i fear my head wont agree with my eyes...

Hey guiys I was just wondering if anyone had some tips on how to cope with new attention?
I've always struggled with self esteems and mental health issues, related to my perception of myself. Infact I almost didnt get approved for my surgery becaus I got red flagged by psych, but  my surgeon-thank goodness- talked it out with me, you know no one is perfect and I'm not in denial about this surgery or the very extensive risks- this is not something i decided to do easily. Either way I have my surgery date but everyone keeps telling me it is recommened i take some counseling. I can see why, I just want to see if anyone else has had these issues and what worked for them.
So the issue is I still see myself at size 22, i dont find myself attractive or even possibly think anyoe else could like me, but i've lost 30 lbs pre-op, im down form a size 22 to size 16pants, and people are noticing.. alot of people. the attention is kinda weird, definatly i am trying to understand why people are noticing me now. And i feel happier than ever, im fitting into regular size clothes again.. i just worry that once im done losign weight, I still will be that same person i as at size 22..and i will be, i just dont want to see her anymore... i still want to be me-- i like who i am as a person-- i just wonder if my head will agree with the changes i see..

I fear i am just sounding crazy. Dont mean to ramble on...

I can not relate or comment on the self-esteem issues because I never allowed my weight to define who I was as a person, or tied my pant size to my self-worth. But, I know that is a struggle that many deal with. I actually got more attention, and I got hit on more when I was fat than I do now (well when I'm not pregnant LOL). I don't know why that is either.

As for seeing myself as skinny, or smaller, it took a lot of time for my brain to catch up. I would constantly grab bigger sizes not believing that I'd ever fit into the "right" sizes. It wasn't until I got well into maintenance that it really clicked, and it took seeing a picture of me with 7-8 other girls that are all "average" weight/size for me to see that I was "tiny" like everyone had been telling me.

I can tell you that my core personality has not changed at all. I'm the same woman I was at 270lbs, and all of my character/personality traits have not changed. The one thing I noticed is that I am softer than what I was when I was fat. I'm not as defensive, nor do I feel like I have this wall up. My husband has always said that I'm kind of stuck up, and he says that I still come off that way sometimes. I really think it's a defense mechanism to keep people at arm's length and I do to make people realize that I am not a pushover, or that I'll tolerate bull**** from anyone. I'm still outspoken, opinionated, but I don't feel like I have always have to be "on" if that makes any sense. I don't have to be the fun, loud fat girl. I am just normal, and people accept that about me.

It takes time, and being skinny doesn't fix all these feelings. I actually nit-pick my body more now than I ever did at my heaviest. I did stop wearing dark clothes, and started wearing more form fitting stuff, but that's because bigger clothes made me look fatter than I really was. Even in a size 2, I find little things about my body that just irk me to no end, and it's even worse now in pregnancy since I've gained weight, and my body has changed dramatically with the baby bump, and weight distribution back to my stomach.

Time and counseling are wonderful tools to help conquer these issues.

And, you aren't crazy ! ! !

I think you are my twin! LOL

Hi Brie:

You are asking the right questions, and I am SO GLAD you have seen a psych and are thinking about more counseling.

The thing about being fat, is most of the time we are the invisible person, there is most definitely a FAT prejudice out there (nobody wants to sit next to you, you might stink or make bodily noises, wheezing, etc) I know YOU know of people bigger than you who do, right? I sure know of them. We aren't all the same, though, but we're perceived that way. The only people we're not invisible to are usually little kids (boys mostly) and rude teens. Occasionally an elderly person will spout out with something. 

Be prepared to go from the invisible to the highly visible, even though your own brain can't process this. You might have experienced no man (or woman) ever holding open a door for you in your life. That will change. It will surprise you! Just smile and say "Thank you!".  JOY!  And it WILL take months for you to not see a fat person in the mirror. And you will be in disbelief to what anybody says for quite some time.

I have never taken a back seat to anyone, I have a big mouth, and lots of opinions. The only difference with me now at a smaller size, is that I'm just a plain ol' ***** in stead of a fat ***** LOL. I've never had issues with my family putting me down or anybody else I knew (at least in front of me), or any demeaning relationships so I don't have that experience. I do know that some fat people prefer to not make 'any more waves' to they are naturally silent--appearing to blend into the workwork. I didn't intend to be the funny, loud fat girl, but that is me anyway. I feel I am the same person if not a little more personally secure in who I am.

You might never be a person with a bigger voice, or one who wants attention. But you will get it, so it's up to you what to do with it. I honestly feel soooo sorry for the people who have never had one day of being thin -- and who get totally blown away by how the public will treat you. Some will still never see you, but most people will. Sales people, waiters, customer service, it doesn't matter. Thin people are treated different even if they aren't demanding it (and we know there are those who do). So along with that are men--and although there are some men who like and prefer BBW, the majority do not. And they are happy to check you out and some are slimy enough to make your skin crawl and offer comments you NEVER want to hear. Just walk away. Proud! Don't let them think it's acceptable.

I don't know how to be anyone other than who I am. But I do know there is a level of satisfaction knowing you're a lady, and a thinner more attractive one. I always wanted to be feminine but let's face it, at a size 22 nothing is attractive even though you can make it work better if you're positive and charming. But there is nothing (for me) quite like being able to be the real girly girl, wearing clothes I'd only dreamt of, the heels, the fashion, the trendy stuff and feel GOOD in it, not stupid. I still don't do makeup very often, but I do my hair and nails and feel awfully good in my skin.

It is a blessing. Don't deny yourself this chance at experiencing life 'on the other side' because there truly is another side. How you deal with it is up to you and whatever feels comfortable to you.

BEST OF LUCK and do as much counseling (even in the WLS support groups) as you can. You're always better for it.

Thank you guys for the encouragement! It has been a struggle my whole life, i was talking to a good friend the other day and i had -accidently- told him abot my surgery- and while we were walking i was like just wait one year from now.. and so on and so on.. and his response was do you not think your pretty now? I dont even think i answered becasue i was so uncomfortable accepting that someone could find me attractive or cute at my size. its gonna take a lot to catch my brain up to my body.
I am so glad there are alot of people out there like you guys who will tell me the truth ad give me unconditional support.
YOU ALL ARE AMAZING!@!!!