Ellie Mae not Beyonce

I posted yesterday because I needed help dealing with my boyfriend and parents (they don't want me to have WLS). Someone suggested that I may be getting resistance from my boyfriend because he is afraid that I would not want to be with him if I start looking too good.  In the past he has told me that he would rather have Ellie Mae instead of Beyonce. So how do I handle his insecurities? I want to have surgery to help with my health issues (type 1 diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure) not because of the way it will make me look.  I have enough to deal with why is he possibly trying to impose his insecurities on me and make me feel bad about having the surgery? How do I cope?

Take care of yourself first,then boyfriend, then parents.

Yep. What HogRider said.

You can only fix yourself.

It really sounds like you need surgery, your co-morbidities are serious and will end your life early.

so seriously, does it matter what he thinks? if you dont do this your life will be shortened. period. so if he truly loves you it will not matter if you are 300 or 150 lbs. if he loves you for you then he will be happy as you blossom. he will be happy to have you alive rather than in an early grave. let him know you need his support and if he wont give it you dont neeed to be around him.

my family and boyfriend were all against my surgery too. but once i got thru it and was ok and started losing weight everyone came around. it takes time but you need to do what you need to do for you. period.

I've gotten to the point in my life where I am trying to actually take care of myself first - then everyone else. That has taken me years! You MUST do what is right for you. Your boyfriend will either jump on board an be supportive or he won't. You can't control that. Just explain to him why you have to do what you are doing. After that, it's up to him.
Do not let anyone tell you that you are not worth taking care of first. Being good to yourself is the only way that you'll end up being good for anyone else.

Hey Tiff, I'm wondering how old you both are?  When you are younger you can get caught in a cycle of putting the needs of others first.  As you get a little bit older you learn that you need to be more important than the others in terms of keeping yourself healthy and happy.  That makes you better for everyone around you.  It's like on the airplane when you need to put on your own mask befor you can help others put on masks.  If you save your mask for last you die.  You don't "handle" his insecurities.  He needs to handle them.  You need to save yourself.  Diabetes, sleep apnea and high bp are deadly.  And you have all 3.  You need to do something to improve your health.  If he isn't able to be supportive, he may not be the right guy for you.  Or you stand up tall and strong for yourself and move ahead,( if this is what you really want), and he sees how much this means to you and is proud of you and supportive of you.  If you really feel responsible for how he feels and he continues to put how he feels before your health seek counseling.  You will need it to help you through this.  If he won't go, go by yourself and be very honest with yourself about why this is OK with you.  I hope I haven't offended you. Look at my post from last night.  I care about what happens to you.  Please don't let somebody else's issues hold you back.  A great way to cope would be to start the pre-op process, going to appointments, eating right and exercising and see if this is what you really want

Also , did you ever see Ellie Mae? Her body was great- google it! And why doesn't he want the girl he loves, but have her able to breathe while she sleeps? Or live her life without diabetes related health issues like loss of vision and kidney failure and maybe amputation of toes, or feet or legs. I'm a nurse. I've seen all of that. What if he becomes" insecure" about your blood pressure meds? Will you stop taking them?

You can't change his insecurities, and the second you take that on is when you'll start talking yourself out of this amazing opportunity.

Believe me, I get what you're saying. My husband likes curvy girls, like a size 14/16, I'm a size 2. He met, fell in love and married me at 270lbs. I hit 180ish pounds and he was ready for me to stop losing, and let me know that I was getting to skinny. His feelings, thoughts did go back to the fact that he didn't want other men hitting on me. We had a couple of issues with him being possessive when he noticed men checking me out. I nipped it real quick. I point blank told him "Ya know, I'd leave if I was fat, my weight has nothing to do with me staying with you." 

My advice, take him to an appointment, an informational seminar, and reassure him that you are doing this for health reasons. It's HIS issue, not yours. It's not your job to stroke his ego, or constantly reassure him that you aren't going to leave him. He's not going to believe you until you prove it to him. Unfortunately, it's the nature of the beast with insecurities, and it's on him to manage those feelings.

You could get really "real" with him and say "It's either, I have surgery and gain health, or you put me in a pine box early because I will end up dying due to my obesity-related conditions, YOUR CHOICE on the matter, I've made my mind and I WANT TO LIVE, you support me, or not, I'm doing this for my life and my future, and I"d like you to be a part of it."

Honestly, there comes a time when you need to take yourself into consideration, make YOU #1, and make the changes necessary for you to live a life that you deserve.

Right on, USAF Wife!