Told my partner/boyfriend that I'm looking into wls

So....after stalling for a week, I finally said something to him tonight about the fact that I've been reading about wls and have an appointment on Friday to meet with a surgeon to find out more.

The reaction was negative (as expected.)  He didn't direct any negativity towards me personally, but towards wls in general.  He talked about how "they're always coming up with the next new big thing" and that this wls was probably just another flash-in-the-pan solution that everyone jumps on and then turns out to be not so great.  He talked about a HS friend who had wls a few years back (did not know what type) and how her weight has come back and she's had all sorts of complications, and once the weight comes back on after wls, then what are you going to do?  When I asked what kinds of complications, he said cancer, and then mentioned that he didn't really know if that (or any other health problems she's been having) were actually related to her wls.  He also said that he heard they were making big breakthroughs in medications, so he wouldn't do anything in the next year, because how horrible would it be to get surgery and then have a miracle drug come out 6 months later?  (I have no idea where he's getting that from.)

And of course, he went on about how if you need to watch your diet and exercise with half your stomach removed (I didn't correct him to 85% - LOL!) then why not just do diet and exercise, since that is obviously what is really needed.  He is also obese (50+ BMI) so it's not like he doesn't know the challenges, but he believes them to be related to lack of true will and dedication, in himself and me.  He mentioned my "all-or-nothing" attitude towards weight loss in the past, which I concede to.  I've been on WWatchers more times than I can count (as well as all the other major plans), and sometimes I have a little setback and quit, but I think that's because I've had other times that I stuck it out and tried to push through the obstacles, and still ended up in the same place, so I just think on a fundamental level I don't believe I can really do it.  He asked why going under the knife would make it any easier to control food addictions, and I just said that so far my reading here has suggested that it does help, although I know it doesn't cure them by any means.

Anyway, we kind of ended the conversation there and left the restaurant. (I figured I'd buy him a nice sushi dinner and drink a couple glasses of wine (aka liquid courage) myself in order to talk to him about this finally.)  So not the worst thing ever, but so hard to hear someone you love put down something that you think can really help.  I mentioned that I could give him this web address so he can read about it himself, but I'll give that a little time.  Just needed to talk to people who might understand how I'm feeling tonight - not dissuaded, but a little confused and sad.

I am sorry to hear that he isn't on board.  However, it isn't the end of the world.  There is example of story after story on here of somone getting surgery and then a short while later, thier husband/wife/bf/gf/best friend/etc. who wasn't on board with it before now headed that direction after that person set the example for them.

So, to look at a half full glass (instead of half empty) this is just your opportunity to serve as the positive example for him and wls in general to negate those negative stigmas associated with wls.  I read a thread a while back where someone was discussing how annoying it is that there are so few people out there who have positive stories about wls (outside of those who actually have it).  A large portion of the folks you talk to about it have stories about someones brothers cousins next door neighbor who died after having wls. 

With all that being said, go on Friday, learn all about it, make your decision, and GO!  If you choose this route, then serve as the example for him and others.

Good luck and keep your head up!

 Keep your head up. Even the ones we love sometimes take a little time to come on board. Even then sometimes they don't (not to discourage you). But you need to do what's best (healthiest) for you. Sometimes the support you need is in the one you least expect it to be, so keep trying. Praying for you!!!!

my (former) boyfriend was not keen on my weight loss surgery and anti- plastic surgery.

as far as im concerned, he didnt have to live in my fat coffin of a body, i did. and when and if we broke up, id still be fat. so i did both. for myself. no regrets.

if someone is not in your corner to extend your life and have a better quality of life, they can go take a hike..and im sure you will leave them in the dust when you are actively enjoying a better life.

for real.

and next time, make his ass buy you dinner! thats what they are there for. we bare children, they pay for dinner. i think its in the bible somewhere.

I do research in a pharmaceutical company - there's no magic ex-fat pill on the horizon.  If there was, I wouldn't have had surgery. 

As Dan Savage would say, DTMFA.  Uh, dump your loser boyfriend already.  Or, tell him he needs to put up (and support you) or shut up.  If he can't empathize with your struggles and need to be healthy, then I bet you can find another lucky man who can. 

I bet what this is _REALLY_ about is about your divergence with your partner... he's huge at a BMI of 50, and you're going to go off and have surgery... and subconsciously, he doesn't want you to do that.  Of sure, his conscious brain wants you to be happy and healthy, but his subconscious wants you to fail.  It wants you to be like it - big.  Then you two can continue to commisserate together.  If you lose weight... you'll be leaving him, even if you stay together.  You'll be "normal" and then he'll be "fat" and his subconsious feels you two won't belong anymore.  That's why he says "only diet and exercise without surgery" - you both already know that's not going to be enough, right?  If it was, you'd both be trim already.

This is really a very common scenario between obese couples where one pursues surgery and one does not.

My heart goes out to you, but don't put up with any crap - like him whining that you don't eat enough or how it's inconvenient that you don't eat with him in restaurants, whatever.  Life is too short to journey with someone who won't support you being healthier.

Good luck!

when I first brought it up to my hubby he was negative.... (it scared him pretty much the risk of losing me to a complication)... but I took him to the seminar and after listening to the surgeon, by the end, he was completely on board....

HOpefully all your partner needs is more education.... perhaps more statistics from a reputable surgeon.... Good luck Erika!! I hope he comes around... I know you don't NEED his approval... but it would be nice to have it, and I hope he can be educated about why it would probably be a good thing!!

 Hello I know how you feel my hubby was also not very supportive when I brought up weight loss surgery at first he didn't really say anything but when he realized I was definitely moving forward with my decision he became very distant and judgmental he realized that I was determined to finally after years of neglecting myself and putting him and my children first I was going to put me first and this was the first step and it was the best decision of my life. I am only one month post -op but I know it was the right decision for me he never supported me so I surrounded myself with family and friends who did even when I ask him to workout with me he has an excuse I don't know why he does not want me to loose the weight but I reached a point in my life where I am responsible for me and he is not;] So from here on out I surround myself with people who support me and help me reach my goals even if it means he doesn't want to come along for the ride it is not selfish as he puts it how can I be a good role model to my children if I am not making healthy choices...If you feel it is right go for it!

best wishes good luck

Thanks so much for the feedback, everyone.  For now I'll stick with the "setting the example" plan over the "kick him to the curb" plan...but I certainly have considered the idea that my proceeding with wls could put an unsurmountable wedge beteen us.  I also know if I let that stop me, I'd resent the hell out of him and we'd have no chance anyway.  But I will hope that he can eventually come on board.  He did say "I don't really know how I feel" a few times amidst the negativity, so maybe there's some wiggle room there.

And Sassy, you are a riot!  The deal in this house is I buy dinners out occasionally, he cooks the rest of the time.  (I did the child-bearing for my ex-husband, so that's not part of the contract here!)  LOL!!!