Had a scary, out of control day yesterday
VSG on 05/17/12
Yes, No Shame.
I could have said that about Monday. I had to reach out to someone offline and say "here's what I've been doing and I must throw this particular food away."
In my world, a little fear is appropriate and useful. Those ways are all too easy to find again, even when we're not looking for them. Terror is counter-productive. I *know* that if I do what I'm supposed to - reach out, own up, be accountable - the food problems will not get insanely out of control.
Getting back on track for me consists of coming clean about the sneaky behavior I've been doing (and with me, it's almost always sneaky), cleaning house of the triggery foods, and white-knuckling it through at least ONE GOOD DAY back on plan, with no carby triggery things. I usually up the protein and have a few more calories on that first day (extra calories only from protein) just to get through. Day 2 is always easier.
And when I say ONE GOOD DAY, I mean I will do almost anything to stay away from anything that causes me problems. I go shopping. I read the boards compulsively. But I know if I make it through that first day back, the rest is better.
{{Hug}} I can understand why you would be scared. I have moments like that too. I agree with everyone that coming here for support was the right thing to do. Congrats on doing that!
I have a couple of suggestions that work for me...they may not work for you, but I'll mention them.
First, I log everything before I eat it. This gives me both a sense of the impact on my plan AND a moment to think it over. The second is to measure things before having a bite and hide containers away - I'm very sight triggered.
Lastly, I never ever ever eat secretly. I stole this idea from another user I won't name, but if I do secret eat I force myself to tell my husband later - not because he's the boss of me, but because secret eating was a BIG issue for me. (Calories don't count if nobody knows you got two breakfast sandwiches at McDonalds and snarfed them on the way to work or bought a big candy bar at the convenience store, unwrap it and throw the trash away there, then eat it on the way home, right? That was me pre-op. I consider it the behavior I must be most careful to NEVER let myself drift back into.) I've only done the secret eating then fess up once and it was so painful that it helps me avoid secret eating now.
If you're not seeing anyone for counseling about your food issues, is that an option? It has helped me. My counselor is very pragmatic and spends about half our time on strategies and the other half on the roots of the problem - I've seen others on here whose therapy is much more focused on the roots. Different things work for different people.
Recognizing the problem is a giant first step to figuring out the solutions that will work for you.
T
I have a couple of suggestions that work for me...they may not work for you, but I'll mention them.
First, I log everything before I eat it. This gives me both a sense of the impact on my plan AND a moment to think it over. The second is to measure things before having a bite and hide containers away - I'm very sight triggered.
Lastly, I never ever ever eat secretly. I stole this idea from another user I won't name, but if I do secret eat I force myself to tell my husband later - not because he's the boss of me, but because secret eating was a BIG issue for me. (Calories don't count if nobody knows you got two breakfast sandwiches at McDonalds and snarfed them on the way to work or bought a big candy bar at the convenience store, unwrap it and throw the trash away there, then eat it on the way home, right? That was me pre-op. I consider it the behavior I must be most careful to NEVER let myself drift back into.) I've only done the secret eating then fess up once and it was so painful that it helps me avoid secret eating now.
If you're not seeing anyone for counseling about your food issues, is that an option? It has helped me. My counselor is very pragmatic and spends about half our time on strategies and the other half on the roots of the problem - I've seen others on here whose therapy is much more focused on the roots. Different things work for different people.
Recognizing the problem is a giant first step to figuring out the solutions that will work for you.
T
Highest weight: 335 lbs, BMI 50.9
Pre-op weight: 319 lbs, BMI 48.5
Current range: 140-144, BMI 21.3 - 22
175+ lbs lost, maintaining since February 2012
Hey! The most important thing is that you recognized. You can do something about it now.
This is NOT a bad thing.
I know you are scared, and if you are like me, a little ashamed. Its OK to slip up, it doesn't mean you are a bad person or that you are going to undo all the good you did. It means you are human. Thats all.
You know there is still an issue, and emotional trigger. You know what to work on now.
Seek support from your support groups, a therapist if you need to. You have tools and resources you never had before to deal with this. You are not going to slide back into your life before.
I know exactly how you feel. I posted on my blog about my experience coming home last Friday. That was all the proof I needed that as far as I have come, I still have plenty of work to do. In fact, I scheduled my first private therapy appointment today. I know I am going to need stronger tools for my transition to maintenance.
So stay with us on our journey - we can do this together. You won't go back and neither will I - OK?
This is NOT a bad thing.
I know you are scared, and if you are like me, a little ashamed. Its OK to slip up, it doesn't mean you are a bad person or that you are going to undo all the good you did. It means you are human. Thats all.
You know there is still an issue, and emotional trigger. You know what to work on now.
Seek support from your support groups, a therapist if you need to. You have tools and resources you never had before to deal with this. You are not going to slide back into your life before.
I know exactly how you feel. I posted on my blog about my experience coming home last Friday. That was all the proof I needed that as far as I have come, I still have plenty of work to do. In fact, I scheduled my first private therapy appointment today. I know I am going to need stronger tools for my transition to maintenance.
So stay with us on our journey - we can do this together. You won't go back and neither will I - OK?
_____________________________________________________________________
160 lbs lost. Surgeons Goal Reached in 33 weeks. My Goal in 37 Weeks.
VSG: 11/2/2011; LBL+Thigh Lift+BL: 10/3/2012; Brach+Mastopexy: 7/22/2013