Do not go gentle into that good night...

That poem by Dylin Thomas always seems to put me at ease. As my date with my new life grows closer I find myself at that tipping point so many before me have felt before they took this leap. That 90% excited about a new lease on life, a chance to undo the mistakes we have made in our past...a reset button. And the remaining 10% is scared poopless. I question it really, its not fear of pain from they surgery, not of having to give up the affair I had with food, not giving up things for awhile to get use to the again, its not even the hard work and effort it will take after surgery to loose and maintain my goal weight, no the thing that keeps circling in my head is this...how will I know how to act as someone who isn't obese...am I scared of being thin? I'm 28 years and have been overweight since grade school. I have never been skinny or normal weight, so yes I am a little scared, fat is all I've ever known.

But this is the point where I suck it up, weigh the overwhelming scale tipping pros the cons that will happen I'd I stay fat. I'm reassure for change, if I were a betting man I'd bet on that part ode me that's 90% ready to beat the Hell out of that 10% neighsayer in my head.

So yes, do not go gently into that good night, Rage..RAGE against the dying of the light! This time next week I will start my journey to the new me, see you all there.

I love that poem, and you are right, it will take quite a bit of courage to boldly face the new you and redefine who you find.  The good news I want to share with you, is that you are not alone, and we understand and support you in this journey.  I guarantee you, it will not be easy but it will be worth it in every way possible.  So go and Rage, rage against the dying of the light.  Take this on as a quest; a quest to find and celebrate the YOU inside. 

I completely understand how you feel, and there are sooo many of us in that same boat.

Before my surgery, I knew I was going to be the small statistic that dies on the table.  I wrote farewell letters to all of my friends and family explaining why I had to have the surgery even knowing the risks.  I held onto the main reason for doing this - so I could be healthy and live a long life with the people I love.

The scariest part for me really was the few minutes right before surgery.  I was alone in the pre-op area (I was the first patient of the morning).  I had been prepped and was just waiting to be taken into the OR.  That when my mind started running wild and I really started going over everything.  They took me back to the OR, I went to sleep for about half an hour and that was when my new life started.

It is a lot of hard work.  The real work is emotional and that is the hardest thing to face.  I see in your post that you already recognize that.  That shows a lot of maturity and is a very good harbinger of your success.  

As far as learning to live as a skinny person.  That takes time.  I am not quite a year out and I catch myself falling into my old fat habits (turning sideways to enter a turnstile, walking with my head down). There are times that I find myself insecure - feeling like a fraud - that "They" know that i'm not really a skinny person, I'm a fatty hiding in their midst.

You have to remember that what other people are thinking is none of your business.  99.9999% of the time you will be completely wrong.  I'll tell you one of my own stories to help illustrate this.

Since I started weight loss I have become a runner.  I run a 3 mile course near my house every other day.  I have always envied the other runners and wished that I could run the way they do, that they must look down on me as being slow or out of shape or whatever.  On one of my last runs, I passed a young woman up one of the hills on the course.  She had stopped to take a rest walk.  As I passed her she started running again and talked to me to thank me for helping pull her up the hill.  Turns out that the situation was the exact opposite of what I thought - people admired me for my dedication and being out there every time running.

Bottom line, acknowledge your fear and accept it. Then you can move past it.  Know that you are not alone on this journey.  There are millions of us who have been where you are, and who have been where you are going.  We are here to help you.

See you on the loser's bench! I have to smile as Thomas's poem always reminds me of the Rodney Dangerfield film Back to School. This is a holistic process that will challenge (and change) everything you've ever done! I look forward to reading about your progress in the coming months. Good luck...you can do this!!

Thankyou all for your words of wisdom and encouragement, it indeed will be a long road ahead but its nice to know I shall not walk it alone. I read these stories on this site and it makes me more resolved in my goal, that knowing its possible and certain that soon my life will change for the better.