Support group meeting made me so sad

My surgeon and NUT run a once monthly support group that draws a huge crowd. However, the attendees are mainly pre-op or newly on this path. It is really more of a programmed presentation than a support group.

They also have a post-op group but no one leads it and it is - IMO, a disaster. I have only been twice as I have a conflict most months but was able to go last night. Including me, there were 4 people there. I listened for about 10 minutes to people throwing out random comments and my heart ached knowing they were just thrashing around aimlessly when so much support is needed to be successful.

One man reported (7 weeks post-op) that his diet consists of powdered Mac and cheese, instant mashed potatoes and chocolate chip cookie dough.

A woman (2 weeks post-op) asked if it would be ok to chew up a sugar cookie to get the taste, then spit it out. Nobody thought it was a great idea - but they mostly just laughed.

The final woman (7 months post-op) said she isn't planning to lose much more weight because people with VSG are only supposed to lose about 60% of their excess weight. It was when she said this I couldn't take any more. I (nearly yelled) that is only true IF YOU ACCEPT THAT FOR YOURSELF!

I then started to facilitate the meeting. I asked each person if they were willing to share one area in which they feel good - excited, hopeful and then tell us where they are struggling. We could then give feedback. I reminded everyone none of us are experts but can share what is real for us - but any real areas of concern should be taken to a professional. The meeting took a significant turn for the better.

When we were done I thanked everyone for letting me lead things in a different direction. They thanked me- over and over - for making the meeting meaningful for them. I told them about OH and none were aware of it. I told them I don't think I would have made it this far without all of you guys. No truer words have ever been said. Thanks for being here for me.

Annie

Wow Annie, that's excellent leadership.  Not many ppl are able to take a lead and direct, especially if it means any public speaking (let alone sharing in a public venue on top of it!!)  I hope that the mac n cheese, cookie dough, and smashed tater guy get on here, bc wow...I'm betting he wonders why his 7 week stall is still ongoing.  As far as the sugar cookie lady, I only laugh b/c I think we have ALL thought that!!  I know I have.

Hopefully you can show up more often and continue to give a hand in facilitating. 

 

I appreciate your kind words. I probably should have said that one of my jobs is as a facilitator so it's more comfortable for me than most. As for the cookie lady - I think what pained me - more than what she said or the fact that she thought. Of it, was the reality that she couldn't get any real support because the people in the room just had nothing to give her. At one point they were talking about how - we all need treats once in awhile. I said - I eat no treats and until I am in maintenance (NOT at 60% EWL, mind you) will I work on balanced ways to incorporate occasional treats into my plan. I felt almost as if I was channeling Elina. 

 

You were channeling me, I could feel it from here.  :)  

I am so glad you were able to do this for these people.  It hurts my heart to think how many people do not get the support that is absolutely vital for this surgery to work in the long term.  The doctor's that do not provide this support really tick me off sometimes.  I understand that they do not make money doing this, but it is a huge part of what is needed.  Maybe you could run the group on a more regular basis? 

Thank goodness for you Annie!!!!!

What is that Surgeons group thinking????!!!!!!

You  saved these poor folks!

What good is a TOOL if you have NO directions on how to use it???

Sorry...my jaw is just on the floor here. All I can say is that I agree with you 100%. OH is a MAJOR part of my life ...and the support, smiles, laughter, disappointments and tears are all part of this...we just need to all help and support each other thru it.

I too, hope they take your advice and seek out their professionals and also join us on the forum.

Good Job!!!!

~Deb

This meeting is really haunting me. I see my surgeon and NUT today and plan to share my thoughts with them. It just isn't workable the way it is. I would be willing to facilitate it if they moved it to a different night. 

There you go!  Someone needs to take control!  Then you can share any pearls of wisdom with us!  Win win! 

I applaud you for giving some structured support to that meeting where it was sorely needed.

I had a similar experience at the most recent support group meeting I attended.  It's the "small" one in a different town from the "big" one.  When I attended the "big" meeting postop, I found it to be a strong, solid, well-led group.

Anyway, at the small meeting one veteran who had lost +/- 170 pounds went on about how she is sitting at home eating the giant chocolate bar she made recently (with the full intention of eating it) at a popular East Coast family attraction.  Then an 8-week postop talked about how he was eating a cup at a time and eating another cup not long after because he can eat anything.  But, hey, he then said, since he's lost 80 pounds, apparently he was doing it right!  His wife was sitting next to him, and his surgeon was at the meeting as well.  The wife asked the surgeon to talk to her husband and set him straight because she was worried about him.  The surgeon demurred to do so directly, I guess because there were other people in the room, but he cautioned us all about portion control with what appeared to be carefully chosen words about bougie size. 

The guest speaker at one point talked about when we go to Dunkin Donuts ... aieeeeeeeeee!  Listeners were looking at each other uncomfortably after that.

Can't WAIT until I can clear the family schedule to get to the big meeting!

I want to go to the big meeting with you. :0)

I commend you for taking charge.  There are 2 support groups in my area and I have tried each but find that OH is far superior to both.  In the behavior group there are barely any sleevers and I kind of felt like I had to defend why I wanted the sleeve vs. RNY.  They were almost hostile that I would deviate from what they all had.  Also, there were a few that had been coming for a long time and were friends and they kind of took over and made it into a gab session about their families and plastic surgeries.  I got nothing from them and felt like an outsider.  With the other nutritional group we played mind improvement games and I really wanted some nutrition help.  Each group is run by a medical professional but they just don't do it for me.  Since I am now post op I will try again and speak up a little more (not my normal character, but a new physical me = a new mental me) and try to get what I need from the meetings.  Maybe I'm not the only one who feels this way.  And they seem to be doing more VSG here so maybe there will be more of us coming to group.  
Would be nice to have someone like you around to help the rest of us out.

Way to go.

Alice