Why did you gain all the weight in the first place? Figure it out?

I always said the reason I gained the weight was bcos the weight made me feel safe.  I had been sexually abused as a child, and my subconscious thought weight would make me safe.  

 

I have been working with a therapist for a couple of months.  I now realize that is probably 1/4 of the reason.

 

The real reason I gained the weight:  I never felt worthy of good health.

 

In order to have good health and make smart choices we have to feel we are worthy of good health.  As a child my mother never acted like she loved me.  She still does not act like she loves me.  I realized I never felt like I mattered.  I am married with children, but I still did not believe I mattered.  My husband is extremely passive and never expressed much of an opinion about anything.  He never encouraged me to get healthier.  I know he loves me, but his personality is too passive to suggest anything.  

 

What happened was I developed a friendship with someone.  My friend gave me his time, support, caring.  I made the decision to get the sleeve to improve my health.  Essentially, through our daily Skyping, texts, and emails; I began to believe I mattered, bcos my friend made me feel that way.

 

I have learned I have to get my self-esteem from within, and by knowing God loves me.  We are not supposed get our self-esteem through relationships, but that is essentially what happened. 

 

I am grateful to my friend who took the time to help me believe in myself.  By the way, he is from the other side of the world.  We have met twice, and I will be forever grateful for his friendship.   

 

I am worthy.  We are all worthy.

 

We have to discover what the reason is, and work on this issue.  I think most of us have issues that have caused us to put the weight on.  

Like you I felt safe with the extra weight all the while hating myself for it. I used to be skinny and fit and put my self worth in the opinions and attention I got from the opposite sex. When I would be cheated on or abused I would feel worthless and I would eat. However by the time I meet my Mr right I was already in an upward spiral in the weight and found myself hungry all the time. It was as if I was challenging his love expecting him to learn my secret if being unworthy and I put in an additional 40 lbs. Now that I've decided I'm worthy of health and well being I've decided on surgery. I've considered this two other
times in my live but for the wrong reasons. Yes I was heavy and unh
ealthy but I was looming for approval

Yes, you are worthy of better health.  I have learned we are not to get our sense of self-worth through relationships.  That said, it is my friend who helped me feel worthy.  He made me feel like I mattered.  I am so thankful to him for his friendship. He is my best friend.  He gives me everything my husband does not give me.  He has flown over twice to be with me, and that means a lot to me.  We should all have such a special friend who cares and encourages us.

I'm not a psych, but the phase He gives me everything my husband does not give me. is a scary one. I don't know you or your relationship, so I don't mean this to sound judgy or prodding, but be careful. Those are powerful feelings and could compromise your relationship. I debated even saying this, but I've seen a friend go through something very similar so I just wanted to put that out there. Have you talked to your therapist about how much this friend means to you? 

I did a reply to your post, but I don't see it. I wonder where it went?

To reply to your question, yes... I work with my therapist about my food and eating issues, and my relationship issues.  She is an expert on human sexuality issues and also a marriage counselor.  She knows all about my friend, and our relationship.  My husband also knows of my friend, and he knows we Skype every single day.  He knows he is my best friend.  

My boyfriend is wonderful and supportive if the surgery. I'm hoping to inspire him to do the same cuz he is morbidly obese himself and his health scared me. He's thought about surgery allot and I hope he makes a wise decision no master what that it's even if it's a life style change without the surgery. He will see me eating healthier and exercising and hopefully will get in board.I just worry cuz he's seven years younger than newer with the health of someone ten years older than me I love him and want him around for as lung as possible.

I gained weight for three, very inter-related, reasons. I was not fed as a child. This made food, getting food, and lack of hunger a very highly prized commodity/state to be in. So when I finally had access to food, my "shut off valve" was pretty non-existent.

Also, since I grew up in a very unstable environment, I became quite attached to safety. When I was heavy I didn't feel Ike I needed to engage in that risky behavior that is - life.

Lastly, my body holds on to fat as if each pound is needed for survival. It's very hard to lose weight. So I probably " should" have been only about half as heavy as I was, by my eating habits alone.

I have never felt as if I wasn't worthy of good health or happiness. I have a good sense of self and strong self esteem.

To those who haven't done the work to figure these things out for yourself, I encourage you to do so. I always recommend finding a good therapist because these things come from hidden places.

Annie

I think I could benefit from therapy.  I do not have self esteem issues, I know my own self worth.  If anything, my estimation is probably generous compared with others estimation!!  LOL.  But obviously I am feeding something.  There were issues in childhood, divorce, physical abuse, and an insane step parent.  But relatively tame in comparison to horror stories I have heard.  I don't ever look back and do the boo hoo, whoa-is-me routine, I know many folks have had it way worse than I ever did. 

Kudos to those of you who have gotten those answers and who are making positive change based on your findings.  My hat is off to you.

I started therapy shortly before I had my surgery. I wish I had done it much much sooner. I had a physically and emotionally abusive childhood. His voice took up root in my head and, while I still hear him saying I'm stupid and fat and ugly, he's much quieter now and doesn't come around as often. I've been married for more than half of my life to an absolutely amazing man - but it's interesting how things that happened to you as a child stay with you, even after all those years.

I always say that I didn't get to 375 pounds because I was hungry.

Honestly, mental health is THE biggest missing piece in weight loss surgery, in my opinion. I think the "psych eval" is a joke and all should be required to do at least a good few months of therapy to get to the root of their problems. I think that's the big reason for regain. People don't deal with their mental issues.