Ashamed
The pre-op diet is HARD. If we could diet successfully none of us would have ever had need of the surgery to begin with LOL
Get back on the horse and do your best. It's important that you do your personal best because the pre-op diet is to shrink your liver. It's a big deal. My mom had weight loss surgery (lapband) and they nicked her liver and had to control the bleeding.
No more food funerals! Do it for your surgeon. It will make your surgery safer. You can do this! We are here for you. Post as often as you need to if you need encouragement. We care 
Don't be ashamed. We are all in the same boat here. There were many times during my 6 month diet that I felt so out of control that I thought I could never succeed postop, but I have lost 116 lbs am and at goal. I didn't try to lose huge amounts of weight preop, my goal was to squeak through and lose just enough to qualify. I did this by making small changes which I stuck to. I pretty much stopped fast food lunches and at a lean quisine meal and a piece of fruit for lunch at work every day. I fully believe that this change alone got the weight off I needed to take off to be approved. I spent many hours torturing and berating myself just as you are. Just hold on, do it one tiny step at a time. You can do this if I could. I didn't feel I deserved success. I am embarassed to admit this, but for one of my preop nutritionist visits I had gained weight so I took an extra water pill for a few days prior to my appt. Talk about pathetic! Start out with small relatively painless changes. You are worth it and YOU WILL SUCCEED!
Anne
HW 259 GW 145 CW 140.2 Not finished yet? 
I have to agree with this. Even making one small change can add up! I used to buy my lunch at the little Bistro at work. I figured, I'm only there twice a week and the food is relatively healthy, right? It will be a treat! Um, no. Not a treat apparently. When I decided to bring my lunch so I could better control my calories, I lost some weight. Not a lot, but more than I had when I was eating in the Bistro. Plus, I was packing salads and chicken, not philly cheesesteaks.
After that I decided to cut out some more things. I had a serious hot dog habit. There is a particular chain of gas stations which has the best hot dogs EVAH. I loved their hot dogs so much, I would have married one! My DH never saw me eat one and would have been very surprised. I usually "used" when I was on the road for my job. I would hit up my "drug dealer" in the morning for a couple of donuts, then hit him up again at lunch for a hot dog, which also demanded chips and a candy bar. 
Then on my way home, I'd hit up the "drug dealer" to see if he had my favorite Cheetos. No? Okay, then I'll have a hot dog, some Pringles and a ChikoStick, and maybe another donut.
Geez...is it any wonder I needed WLS?
I didn't have an epiphany or anything dramatic, but when it dawned on my that i was acting like a drug addict, THAT got my attention. I had to make some rules for my life right away. I had to completely stop going to that chain of gas stations. If DH pulls in to one, I have to stay inside the car.(Interestingly, I don't seem to have those food compulsions at other gas stations.) I am not allowed to eat privately in the car anymore and I cannot go through the drive through. If I absolutely have to go to McDonalds for some reason, I must go inside and eat whatever I bought inside. None of it can be brought to the car.
For some reason, I will abide by the rules. Must be my first born child status. So these things have worked for me and I actually was able to lose about 20 pounds prior to surgery, much to my surprise. Not that I didn't have a few food funerals, but I didn't go completely crazy. I allowed myself to eat some of those foods, but not a lot.
Good luck, OP. It's a long road, but you can do it. All it takes is the willingness to start changing little things. It's like turning the Titanic...not gonna turn on a dime but given enough time, and lack of icebergs, the Titanic would eventually turn.
HW: 229 ; SW: 208 (-21); GW: 125
Wt. Loss: M1: 189 -(19) M2: 178 (-11) M3: 172 (-5) M4: 170 (-2) M5: 166 (-4)
Don't be ashamed! I went up and down throughout my 6 months and barely lost anything. I was fortunate enough to be approved but now I'm on my liver shrinking diet almost 7 weeks before surgery. It's tough but look to the end goal. I wouldn't be over 500lbs If I hadn't already had enough pizza, Chinese good, etc. And it makes your surgery safer. Were having this surgery to live a better life, we all need our surgeries to go as best as possible!
