Not cold feet...fear of failing

My surgery is April 30.  I began this journey last August (had a six month wait with old insurance, had diverticulitis that resulted in a sigmoid colectomy in October.  We moved cross country in December.  Had to find a new doctor, but my new insurance approved me on the spot.)

I'm not at all afraid of surgery.  I'm an OR nurse, so it is just a day at the office for me, except I'm on the other side of the equation, so to speak.

I'm afraid it could fail.  I'm afraid it won't work.

I know it is just a tool, but a powerful one at that.  I've changed my eating considerably and lost about 18 lbs.  My doctor would like to see more (I'm also on a new cardiac med that has zapped my energy and has the side effect of weight gain...I put on 4 lbs in the four weeks since I went on it.) 

After years of trying and failing, I am afraid that it won't work.  That I'll be an outlier and they will just scratch their heads and say, "Huh...I don't know why it's not working.  You're just not working hard enough/eating right/exercising enough." 

I've done all of the classes, met with the nutritionists, read every book out there.  I know what needs to happen as far as exercise/diet.  I guess I just won't believe it can really happen until the pounds and inches start falling off.

I hear you!

I don't have my surgery scheduled yet but will soon. and I have the same fear of failing.  I've been reading as much as I can including the forums where people discuss where they think they went off the program and what lead to it etc... I want to be fully informed and hopefully self-aware enough that I can learn from others.

Who knows what things will really be like until we experience our own surgeries.

Best of luck to you!

I figure this is pretty common at this point.  I just needed to "say" it out loud.

Good luck! I hope you get scheduled soon!

HI THERE! BOY,DID YOUR POST SPEAK STRAIGHT TO ME. IT WAS LIKE THE WORDS COMING FROM MY OWN HEAD.THIS IS MY FIRST TOME POSTING THOUGH IVE BEEN VISITING THIS SITE FOR OVER A YEAR.I'VE BEEN WAITING 16 & A 1/2 MONTHS AND HAVE HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO PREPARE.I FINALLY HAVE  MY DATE FOR MAY 15TH AND AM AS INFORMED AS I CAN BE,BUT BETWEEN THINKING AND PLANNING AND IT ACTUALLY HAPPENING AND GETTING THROUGH IT,IS A WHOLE OTHER WORLD. I'M AFRAID TOO.EVEN THOUGH I KNOW WHY, AND THAT IT'S NORMAL AND PART OF THE PROCESS,IT'S THE NOT KNOWING THAT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.JUST LIKE YOU BEING AN OR NURSE,BUT IT'S NOT BEEN YOU BEING OPERATED ON. THE OUTCOME IS STILL SUCH A BIG [PARDON THE PUN] UNKNOWN.I'M A "NEED TO KNOW PERSON" AND THE NOT KNOWING IS KILLING ME.THE DOUBTS CROWD IN:IF I'VE FAILED AT ALL MY OTHER ATTEMPTS,WHO AM I KIDDING TO THINK I'LL SUCCEED NOW? I TELL MYSELF THAT'S WHY I'M HERE,NOW,IN THIS POSITION.THIS IS THE NEXT STEP,THE NEXT CHANCE TO SUCCEED.IF I DON'T TRY, IVE ALREADY FAILED.,F I STAY LIKE THIS I'M JUST CONSIGNING MYSELF TO A SLOW DEATH.AT LEAST I'M GIVING MYSELF A FIGHTING CHANCE.AT LEAST I'VE GOTTEN A TOOL I DIDN'T HAVE BEFORE,NOTHING VENTURED,NOTHING GAINED.AT THE END OF THE DAY,NONE OF IT WILL HAPPEN 'TILL IT HAPPENS AND I WON''T KNOW 'TIL I KNOW, THANKS FOR LETTING ME BEND YOUR EAR,I'M HOPING TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR JOURNEY  [PS:ONE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS IS JOURNEY'S "DON'T STOP BELIEVING"]

Emmy,  

 Hey! I am having my surgery on April 24th. I set it up in January and I can say I have had the same thoughts as you quite a few times over the past few months. From what I have read on here it is a quite common pre op reaction. As you said in your last line seeing is believing but I think you can also see that by following your Dr. plan for eating and exercising and staying close to your support group you will get the success you are looking for. Good Luck!

I think the vast majority, if not all of us, have had this thought. How I got around it: I viewed this as my last best shot at doing this weight loss thing right, and for good. I spent considerable time, like you are doing now, reading and learning. I, like you, had a long journey to the OR table and I spent that time learning all I could. I felt prepared and knowledgable going into surgery.

after surgery was the hard part. I didn't feel any different. Indeed, aside from a few holes in my belly and a really restrictive diet, I could hardly believe anything had happened. But the weight came off, until I stalled. Then I panicked...OMG, what if this didn't work?

i obsessed about the scale, analyzing every ounce. I encourage you to read some of my old blog posts. I was a numbers ***** But here is what I have learned through the help of my therapist and that mean old teacher, experience: 

• Your body is going to do what it is going to do, on its own schedule. Your brain's  job needs to be to focus on the behavior of following your diet, hydration, and exercise plans. Keep your brain busy with that, and your brain will hopefully stay out of your body's way while it does its thing. If you feel you aren't making progress like you should, go back and be brutally honest with yourself as you assess your actions. Did you REALLY get enough water? Exercise? Eat properly?
• TRUST and BELIEVE this will work. Don't be afraid to take that leap of faith. Be rational: I had a 600 calorie diet for MONTHS with 40 grams od carbs. It was physically impossible to NOT lose weight on that diet.
• unhook yourself from the clock. You aren't sprinting here - this is a marathon and each of us finishes in our own time and style. You don't only have a year to lose this weight. Maybe it is 9 months, or 18 or 24. By freeing yourself from an arbitrary timeframe, you are better positioning yourself to focus on setting up proper behaviors.

i know it's hard. Have faith. This WILL work - the odds are so greatly on your side. Try not to focus on the failure stories. Sure, sometimes things do go wrong and people aren't as successful as they'd like to be. Focus on the good stuff, the right stuff.

oh, and get your support team in place now. I have a blog post on that, as well. It has been critical to my success and I would not recommend anyone try to do this without a solid team around them.

laurie

Hi EmmyK,

I felt the same way.  I've failed at so many diets over the years, and I had a fear I'd be the one person for whom it didn't work.  But I want to tell you, the WLS is amazing.  I did make a commitment to stick to the plan, and mostly do.  There are always events/trips/situations that pull me off plan for a while, but I get right back in line when I get home.  On a daily basis I am able to stick to the plan.  The WLS really does change the body and control mechanisms - it makes the weight loss possible - not easy but possible.

I think you will be delighted with your sleeve and it will be more successful than you expect.

best wishes,

Carol

This was/is my biggest fear as well. I've tried diets in the past and they all end up failing me, even when I do everything right! 

I had had my surgery last week (April 3) and I have already lost 17lbs since my surgery date! I just think we have to stay positive and do everything our docs say! 

Good luck! 

Just my personal opinion...

Afraid surgery isn't going to work?  I am STILL afraid, and I'm down 40lbs. If I take a non-challant attitude toward my journey, and start thinking "how can it not work?" I will become lax in my regimen. If I keep that fear alive, I will always be mindful of what, when & how I eat. I have embraced the fear and turned it into something useful. It's how I stay grounded.

^^ what she said!

This a great way to use your fears constructively! :)