Weight Loss Surgery Forums

The holiday season is just ahead and with it comes an opportunity to plan for some of the obstacles that may appear. In taking the time to plan how you want to stay true to yourself and your personal weight loss goals, you will be proactive. Being proactive will give you strength when you meet obstacles. That strength will allow you to stay on track, feel good about yourself, and give you a sense of accomplishment and freedom.

You chose to have weight loss surgery. It was a huge decision. You planned for it and went through all the necessary steps so that you were ready for the surgery. Most of your friends supported you. Your family supported you. They saw how important it was for you and your health. Now, the weight is coming off. You have more energy. A lot of the old symptoms are resolving such as being out of breath, unable to walk very far, interrupted sleep, type 2 diabetes, and so many other inconveniences. Your spirits are more positive. Life is beginning to be a wonderful adventure. You are excited, proud, and full of hope.

And yet, something is very wrong. You're beginning to hear statements such as, "You've changed!" "You're different." "You're not like you used to be." These statements are true. You are changing in so many different ways and mostly in ways that support your health and emerging sense of your authentic self. But, your changes are not comfortable for some of your friends or family members. When you hear these "you've changed" statements, it's important to remember that it means you've stopped living your life their way. How true! You are discovering how to live life your way.

Perhaps you are also noticing that some friends or family members are tempting you with some of your old favorite foods, foods they know are not on your food plan. You may hear temptations like, "Oh, come on, it's just one itty-bitty cookie." "I made this just for you, it's your favorite." For some of you this may have started even while you were in the hospital recovering from your surgery. It's not unheard of for family members and friends to bring tacos, fries, and double cheeseburgers to the hospital when they come to visit you!

And, some of your family members and friend may even seem jealous. You might hear, "How come you're getting all the attention?" or "Now that you're the center of attention, I'm not important." What about your spouse or significant other? Sometimes he or she may not want you to go out alone or with friends. All of a sudden you're being asked to account for all your time. "Where were you?" "Who did you see?" "What did you do?" "What did you talk about?" "When are you going to see them again?"

So, as great as your surgery was for moving you towards better health, your actions have caused a reaction. Probably a reaction you hadn't counted on and one that has surprised you. The truth is that weight loss surgery affects not only you but also everyone close to you. You may have heard the expression "for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction." So, these reactions are to be expected and even planned for.

Your choice of weight loss surgery has, metaphorically, upset the apple cart. In more psychological terms, you have unbalanced your family dynamics. Each family and the people close to you have formed a cohesive unit where you have learned what to expect from each other. You have gotten used to how each person will respond in particular situations, what words they will say, what their moods will be, even what their facial expressions will be. This is what makes us comfortable around each other. Now that your responses to situations are changing because of your increased good health and well-being, your behavior is not as predictable as it was before. So, friends and family members want to recreate the comfortable, old ways they were used to before your surgery. This is to be expected. However, it is upsetting and stress producing for you.

You might really experience these temptations and stressful moments with the upcoming holidays. So many family gatherings, parties, and social events are based on food. Your family may have even created rituals around food. Aunt Sue always brings her favorite pecan pie for Thanksgiving and Mom always makes her favorite sweet potato casserole with marshmallows. It's also the season for turning kitchens into bakeries where dozens of cookies, loaves of tasty tea breads, cakes, and pies are turned out in great array!

Now that you have had your weight loss surgery you have a particular protocol of eating to follow, one that provides you with all the nutrients you need and promotes good health. And yet, even those you thought you could depend on may be the very people that subtly or not so subtly try to sabotage you. Remember, they are just trying to get the family dynamics or friendship back to the way it was before you had weight loss surgery. In time, as you stay true to yourself and your food plan, a new normal will be created and, hopefully, these stressful times will be less frequent.

So, what you are going through is not unusual. In fact, it is to be expected. Now the task is to plan for and manage these situations so that you stay on track while being understanding and polite. First, you need support. This is the time to reach out to the positive people in your life, those who are willing to listen and even may have some well thought out ideas for staying on target with your goals. Then, create some specific strategies and plans to manage these situations, especially during the holidays, so that you continue to move forward as you stay on track.

Where can you get support?

• Use the OH Goal System to set some specific goals for those times when people's comments upset you, you feel uneasy, or are tempted to go off track. Here are a few ideas:
• If I am tempted to go off my eating plan I will:
  • Call someone or make a post
  • Go for a 15-minute walk
  • Write out my affirmation 10 times
  • Read an uplifting article
  • Do a crossword puzzle, Sudoko, or play a video game
  • Remove myself from negative situations
  • Go outside and look at nature
  • Call my accountability partner
  • Write 15 times: " I am more than _______(a piece of pie, a negative comment). I am on a journey to a greater life."

• If I am angry or frustrated I will:
  • Beat on a pillow
  • Go for a walk
  • Hit a punching bag or something soft like a sofa cushion
  • Scream out loud or into a pillow if I don't want to be heard
  • Call a really close friend and ask him or her if I can just emote, reminding my friend that they do not have to try to fix it – just be there and listen.
  • Write a letter to the offending person stating exactly what I am experiencing and NOT send it. I will burn it in a safe place and let the smoke carry my anger away.

What are some statements or questions for those who say you have changed or make comments about your eating?