Weight Loss Surgery Forums

Share |

You Can’t Keep It, If You Don’t Give It Away:

Serving others during the holidays (and beyond)
by Cari De La Cruz
OH Username: CariDLC

I had bariatric surgery for myself, but my choice affected many, many people. Of course, I didn’t consider how my decision would affect my family, friends, or co-workers because, in my mind, I was the only one affected by my obesity. I was the only one who couldn’t bend over to tie my shoes, walk around the block, fit in a restaurant booth, or have my picture taken. I was the only one with the aches and pains, limited shoe and clothing options, and poor health – not my husband or my daughter, not my best friend, my boss or, least of all, the stranger on the street.

Yup. Obesity was all about me, so the weight loss surgery would be no different. I’d be the only one living with the new, smaller stomach and dietary restrictions. I’d be the only one who would have to eat and drink at separate times, chew everything to the consistency of baby food, and throw up if I ate the wrong thing.

At least, that was my perception, back when I weighed 316 pounds.

But, three years ago, I came home from the hospital and found myself struggling to eat or drink anything. I looked in the mirror and questioned my decision to do something as drastic as rerouting my intestines and shrinking my stomach to the size of an egg, just so I could “lose” a “few” pounds.

Of course, this distress was not lost on my family members, who worried about me around the clock. My husband wondered why he hadn’t put up a bigger fight when I told him I had planned to have the operation; my daughter wondered if her mom had lost her mind, and my parents wondered if I was going to die of starvation.

Then I returned to work, where a whole new crop of people were now being “affected” by my decision to have bariatric surgery. Of course, I was mystified as to why it mattered to them that I ate so little and did it so slowly. Why should they care about eating cake or junk food in front of me? Was it because they felt guilty, or because they sincerely worried about my bariatric after lifestyle?

I’ll never know for sure, but I can tell you that people far and wide began to feel the effects of my personal decision to have weight loss surgery, despite the fact that the only person I was thinking about was me.

And then something happened: I got tired of thinking about me. I was tired of being preoccupied by my weight loss, my size, my food, my exercise, my life. I felt selfish, self-centered, egotistical, self-important and overly self-aware. I became incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin. (No, not because of my shrinkley tummy, droopy boobs, and swinging bat-wing arms.) I was uncomfortable in my new skin because it was time to start thinking about others…starting with my loved ones, but fairly quickly expanding to include complete strangers!

The whole transition in thought and behavior began innocently enough when I decided to do things for others.

I volunteered.
Okay, volunteering was something I’d always “wanted” to do, but never really did — at least not in the way I approached it now. I mean, I always tried to do things at church (like working carnival booths or donating food), but this time, it was different. I became a better, stronger, more stable person the moment I began to look outside of myself, reach beyond my own desires, and find ways to fill the needs of others. I finally figured out what 12-Steppers already know:

You can’t keep it, If you don’t give it away.

How could I ever have known that giving my time, talents and treasures would become the best medicine for my blues? It seems so obvious to me now, but back then (when the universe revolved around me and my weight loss), the idea of spending time talking to a Veteran, cleaning up trash on the beach, or working in the kitchen on a youth retreat would have been quite remote. For starters, I wouldn’t have known where to go to sign-up! I know, that sounds really silly, but it’s true. I really wanted to help, but I just didn’t know how to do it. Sound familiar? Well, I think I can demystify some of that for you.

First of all, you don’t need money to serve others. With all of those charity envelopes piling up in your mailbox, I know it’s hard to imagine that there might be other ways to help, but trust me they’re out there.

A great place to start is at your local Veterans Administration medical facility. Give them a call (or drop by) and ask if there is a way you can visit with some of the patients. Find out if you can bring some baked goods, and maybe some books and magazines. See if you can just spend time listening to their stories or playing cards with them. Last New Year’s Eve, my daughter and I (along with about 50 buddies from my local hiking club) spent a few hours doing just that. You know, some of those vets are real card sharks! And, while they might seem shy, they really enjoy talking about their experiences and meeting new people. I’ll admit, I was a little hesitant and shy when I first got there, but once the deck of cards came out, the conversation flowed easily.

Not your bag? Why not check with your local parks and recreation department to see about “clean-up days”? They can always use volunteers to help pick-up trash, rake trails, and just generally make local parks, beaches, campgrounds, and other natural treasures sparkle.

How about this? Contact the Red Cross to see if you can help them organize a blood drive for your office, neighborhood, or church. The gift of healthy blood knows no season, so it’s something we always need but never have enough of.

What about contacting the local homeless shelter to see if you can help with the Christmas Day soup line, or maybe they have a family you can adopt. My friends and I got together and did this for a few years and it was so rewarding! We adopted a family of four and banded together to get them practical gifts of clothing (like jackets, pants, sweaters, hats, gloves, etc.), and also a few toys just to make the kids’ Christmas a little brighter.

Another year, I organized a Giving Tree for my company. We adopted an entire Head Start school of 3, 4, and 5 year-olds, then hung ornaments with their sex, age, and size on a big tree. Each employee (or team of employees) grabbed an ornament and was asked to get a practical gift, plus a toy for a maximum of $25. We then carted all of the presents, some goodies, and Santa Claus to the school for a rip-roaring Christmas party. You should have seen the joy on the kids’ faces as they sat on Santa’s lap and got their presents. I’m actually crying just remembering the experience. Wow! It was simply incredible. All of this joy came from simply donating my time, talents, and treasures!

Still not convinced? Try the Web! Go to: http://volunteermatch.org and you will findhundreds of opportunities in your area. Just enter your location, and they will find physical and virtual volunteer opportunities. You can even enter keywords like “children,” “seniors,” “food,” “reading,” or “homeless,” and you’ll get specialized results. Ever thought of becoming a mentor to a teen? Can you give a phone operator a break?

Here’s one that I found in my area: The LiveWell Kids Program – An obesity prevention program that combines nutrition education, garden education, physical activity, and parent education. The job is to maintain gardens once a week, by watering and weeding, turning the compost bin, taking green waste to and from the trash, adjusting water timers, and completing a log on plant progress, soil, water conditions and garden pests. How cool is that? Here’s the link in my area: http://www.volunteermatch.org/search/opp776318.jsp

Here’s another one: I can volunteer to be a Concierge at the Los Angeles VA, assisting patients, family members, and guests around the facility: (http://www.volunteermatch.org/search/opp677983.jsp).

Or, if I played an instrument(something besides a kazoo), I could volunteer to play music to help heal patients: (http://www.volunteermatch.org/search/opp677983.jsp)

If I could sew, there would be an amazing opportunity for me to help sew Memory Bears to ease hurting hearts after the death of a VITAS patient. These bears are sewn from items of the patient’s clothing, like jeans or shirts, and they help recall the closeness of a loved one, bring a smile to someone in distress, or offer a sense of security to a child who feels alone after the loss of a grandparent, parent, or sibling. The best part? You could do this at home: (http://www.volunteermatch.org/search/opp300706.jsp)

Not convinced? Why not check with your church or synagogue to see if they have a “shut-in” program? You can visit with people who are bed-ridden, house-bound, or just need a friend.

As you can see, there are lots of things you can do, and they don’t just revolve around the holidays! There are year-round needs to fill, so why not donate your time, talents, or treasures to the cause? You’ll be amazed what happens when you GIVE a little of yourself away. You’ll learn that there is actually more to give. Oh, and you’ll probably feel a whole lot better about Y-O-U. So that’s it. That’s the secret of giving it away so you can keep it!

Do you have some great volunteer ideas? Why not share them here? The need is as vast as our community, and I know we can make a difference. Have a great holiday! :-)

Weight Loss Surgery Forums

Our Mission

Follow us

Links

Select Photos

Weight Loss Surgery Forums