Twas the Night before Squidmas...

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through creation, People believed almost anything with no hesitation; With their hearts hung open for anyone who'd care, They had no idea that skeptics could be there; Children nestled asleep with their thoughts on the stars, They had visions of quasars and novas and Mars; And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Settled down, nary a thought for the world's bullcrap; When out on the lawn I heard voices speaking, People gathering at my house, what could they be seeking? Away to the window I went to hear more, Tore open the shutters, too much to ignore; The light from the moon on their faces did pull, Doesn't the moon have effects on folks when its full? When, what to my wandering brain should I hear, But new thoughts, suggestions, and alternative ideas; With my mind not quite being able to click, I knew right that moment they must be skeptics; More rapid than eagles, these great apes made no claims, I hadn't seen them before, but I could place their names; There's Sagan and Kurtz and Randi and Klass! Carson, Dawkins, Gould and DeAngelis! At the top of my porch they rang my doorbell, Dare I let these gents in? Will I go straight to hell? As dry leaves that crumble with the crush of a hand, My defenses went down and my mind did expand; So I opened the door and inside they flew, Their minds full of science, with a skeptical view; And then, in a twinkling, I heard in the room, The prancing and pawing of reason in full bloom; As I drew in my hand, and was turning around, This skeptical gathering seemed suddenly profound; My concerns about why on this earth we've been put, Had me down in the dumps, in a rut, low as soot; A bundle of monkeys I had flung on my back, Could these people help me? Oh, what do I lack? In their eyes was a twinkle, and they saw my frustration, Gullibility and ignorance led me to all sorts of temptation; The words from their mouths were drawn up like a bow, The beards on their chins gave a most distinguished glow; Their grip on reality they held tight as their teeth, The light of their thoughts circled my head like a wreath; Offering broad thoughts and ideas like a bowl full of brilliance, They shook my foundations and broke down my resilience; They explained away myths, be them UFO, ghost, or elf, And I laughed when I realized, in spite of myself; In the wink of an eye they shone light to my head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread; They spoke many words and went straight to their work, My head swelled with great knowledge, I had felt like a jerk; Each shaking my hand, a heart-felt sense of pride, They gave me a nod, my gullibility had died; They sprang out the door leaving nothing but knowledge, Oh, if only I'd learned these things back in college; So please hear me exclaim as I finish to write, "Merry Squidmas to all, and to all a good-night."