sick family pet

I have a Labrador retriever and Beagle mixed dog. He was born August 7, 1992. I got him September 5th, 1992. About 4 weeks old. I have Rheumatoid arthritis and had several other health problems before wls in 2004. My pet has been by my side through chemotherapy treatments and several different surgeries giving me strength and reason to keep getting better. June 2005 my daughter was walking him and he was pulling against his leash and messed up his neck. My son and I took him the next day to the vet and was told he had some vertibrae that may be messed up in there and he was given a shot for muscle spasms and pain meds called Rimadyl 25 mg 1 tablet a day. The shot gave him immediate relief and no side affects there after. He was him old self and no pain. Until saturday the 1st he got up that morning wobbly a little like his hind legs were bothering him. He also held his head stiff as if his neck was hurting. I though maybe he just slept on the cement floor all night and he was stiff. The symptoms lasted all day saturday and sunday. Monday I called the vet and she saw him. Did blood work and examined him. Nothing qwrong with the blood work. All came back normal. She examined him and found a mass on his prostate and said it needed looked at by a vet that specialized in that. But it was soft and not hard. He has never had heart worms. He has a bad heart mummur the vet said. It causes him to get tired quicker when outside and cataracs on the right eye and allergies. She gave him Rimadyl 25mg and no muscle relaxer shot and said to let her know if he gets better or worse after starting the Rimadyl. I gave him the first pill that evening and he started having incontinence, drooling, stairing like he sees something, wobbly legs, excessive thirst, excessive urination, biting whomever gets close to him to help him, eating like he is starved to death. His neck, face and right side seem to have spasms. Not like seizures cause he has those 3 or 4 times a year and this is not seizures. I stopped giving him the rimadyl and he seem to get better, but an hour after not getting the meds he does the same thing all over again. I have called other vets and they say to bring him in to have a myelogram and xrays to see if it is neurological from his neck. I being on disability can't afford those tests for him, but need to know if the xrays will show possibly what is going on with his neck. I have researched and have found that it could be nerves compressed due to the neck injury and his age surgery would not be good but with meds like Rimadyl and keeping him immobile can help. I have done the meds and the immobile part and he still has most of all that worries me the spasms in his neck and the wobbling and drooling. When he has the seizures he drools and stares and excessive thirst and wobbly legs for a while and the seizures stop and until he has them again. I don't want him to suffer anymore and have thought of putting him to sleep. I care so much for him like one of my kids. I feel bad he is ill, but don't have the strength to see him put to sleep when money is standing in the way of my not getting him any help he needs. I wish I had gotten pet insurance long ago, but did not think I would have any major problems with his health. I havestayed up with him for 4 nights straight. I have not eaten much and have kept fluids in me though. Maybe I will just let him die on his own and cause I will never be able to live with myself if I put him to sleep. I guess I just need someone to let me know of any experiences they have had with something similar to what I am going through with my pet. I have to keep him on a leash and tied up so he will not fall and or move and hurt himself any where else. I have cried so much that I all I can think about is that I did this to him by not getting him the care he needed last year further. I understand he is old also, but he has been with me through so many illnesses and surgeries and I feel I owe him something and putting him to sleep is not it. Please someone give me some kind of info on what maybe the right thing to do. Please don't say put to sleep cause I will fall apart thinking it as I have. Thanks in advance. My dogs name is Pockets. Also is there any organizations that will help with this type situation. A dire need. Irish

Dearest Irish - I am so sorry you have lost Pockets. It is never easy to lose a member of the family as I consider all pets to be. When I lost my golden retriever Riley to cancer at 10 years old I found the following website. Reading the poems and especially the Rainbow Bridge poem helped me deal with the loss of my beloved friend. I hope it helps you as well. www.rainbowbridge.com Warm regards.......Bonnie