Are you better at setting boundaries now?

 I'd bet not, LOL.   Society definitely perceives larger men differently than large women.    My husband could stand to lose about 50 pounds.   He is considered a "big ol' fella" (he's 6'4) and people never even really notice that he's overweight.  They'd certainly notice a woman that was 50 pounds overweight!

Yep, it is different for guys, but in specific situations this does apply to girls as well. My hubs is a tall and brawny guy  (with a big beer gut too) and nobody messes with him, instead people avoid confrontations with him...  He also exudes this "I will eat your liver while you watch if you **** me off" aura and it helps.

My best friend in college was a tiny girl, but do not be decieved, she could kick my ass (black belts for the win!). Sadly our college town had very limited venues that were lesbian friendly, so my friend had very few places where she could socialize. She'd gotten into an altercation with another girl over another girl, and this antagonist was threatening to "kick her ass" if she showed up at the few bars and clubs available. While my friend was perfectly capable of defending herself (read: understatement of the century), such a course of action at the said clubs would have her permanently 86'ed (banned) from the premesis even if she wasn't the person starting the fight. Since she was a social creature, she decided that getting banned from the clubs was not worth the sublime satisfaction of crushing every bone in the girl's face, tempting as it was. (Did I mention we're both NYers? LOL)

Solution: I went with her to the clubs going forward (5'9 and 250lbs at the time). Nobody messed with her after that. She didn't even get the stink eye from across the room, no one had the balls because my size scared the **** out of people (and I didn't think my size was menacing!). So the fear factor works on girls too. I was very naive about things like this until I had this interesting experience... Just look big, mean and pissed off, and smaller people will not mess with you (unless they're stupid or lack the sense of self preservation) especially if they are convinced you aren't afraid to throw hands (this is where the pissed off look comes into play).

 LOL - I LOVE you description of your husband.   Mine is the very same way.    As a matter of fact, my students refer to him as "Scary Barry."   Little do they know he's a big ol' marshmallow.

So - now you know when times are tight, you can always get a job as a female bodyguard, eh?   LOL.....It's funny - as a smaller woman now, I feel much more physically vulnerable.   Heck, I literally get knocked over in a strong wind, but I feel so much less emotionally vulnerable!

LOL, and I gotta admit, the big and tough masculine aura is a big turn on for me! But I know my hubs' weakness- he is very , very ticklish!

Thanks to the DS I probably can't take up that bodyguard job, but if I had thought of it in college I probably could have part-timed and made a heck of a lot more money! LOL! Darn hindsight is 20-20...

Yeah the motional vulnerability is really the worst thing (in my experience) with being overweight. It can really hold one back in a lot of arenas (dating, jobs, growing a spine... It took me a while to find my spine.. Oy...)

Lots of good points. I agree, I'm not a people pleaser. I still do what I can for others, but I realize my worth is not dependent on what others 'think' of me or what I give them. I have also stood up for myself more often. It is a strange event.

Oh **** I'm a serpent! I laughed when I read this because today I called out a friend  who has been refusing to return my phone calls, text messages and face-book messages (I'm organising his engagement dinner that was meant to be tonight),  After hearing from a mutual friend that he wasn't keen on going I asked him point blank via the said mediums if he wanted to do something else?  He went to ground and didn't respond at all so I contacted his partner and he passed the message on for me....still no reply so I went off like a bomb.  I canceled the dinner contacted everyone told him what an arse he is and how I have put up with a neglectful and abusive family which is why I now CHOOSE my friends and I don't choose to accept that ****ty evasive behavior. He has now thrown a massive wobbly and states he'll withdraw so far into himself and never come out.  I'm debating sending him a torch.  **** it!  I won't put up with second rate behavior off people now.

I've also been causing bow waves at work challenging the "bully".  She is almost utterly neurotic over it and I'm trying to get a solid job specification written up via HR so she can't get off with doing only a quarter of her job requirements.  I'm having a ball over it.

Fuck em! Hop on board or get the **** out of the way.   This life is too short to eat the **** that arseholes want to feed to you.

Carry on with the good work, my comrade in arms.

Aye Aye Captin.

AMEN!