4 years later and a massive FAIL
I fought for 4 years to get the RNY surgery. I had it in my head that it was what was finally going to help me. I went as far as to buy new clothes in smaller sizes figuring that I would get to that eventually and why not while it was on sale.
I'll start from the beginning. I opted for a surgeon in Chicago as it was close enough to home and was at a state of the art facility. I felt comfortable with the process. The doctor was short and sweet but did what she needed to do. I healed up no problem and had very little pain. I started dropping weight pretty steady. Fast forward 2 months. I lost my job. With the job loss I also lost my insurance and money for gas to make the 4 1/2 hour drive from my home to Chicago. When I called the doctor they were not very willing to work with me over the phone. The nut wouldn't consult with me over the phone and insisted i come in person. Because of this, I had approximately a month of guidance and then was left to my own devices.
As anyone that has had surgery can tell you, that is never good. We were obese for a reason. I didn't know how to eat, how to exercise, etc etc. Anyway, over the next year I managed to get down 100 lbs. Not too bad, but I wanted to lose 200 to even be considered overweight. I started slipping into bad habits and got so frustrated because I didn't know what to do. In the St. louis area there are several weight loss clinics and more popping up everyday. I have contacted them and none of them will help me for liability reasons Im sure. I don't want to have to do a revision as I have 3 small children that depend on me and I don't want to risk my life on another surgery. I want to get back to basics but the problem is I was never really taught basics.
On top of everything else I know I am a food addict. I struggle with it. Carbs are my enemy. I have tried to deal with it by doing everything I can think of. I was consuming 2 - 3 energy drinks per day, then I switched to pills after my son was born (I know, stupid), then I started drinking. Nightly. I could polish off half of a 750ml of vodka without thinking twice.
I don't need a lecture. I know what I'm doing and have done is wrong so please don't judge me or be hurtful. I have issues. I know this. I am trying to deal with them but facing brick walls everywhere I turn. I have made a vow to myself that I will not drink anymore. I haven't taken any pills in almost a months. But because of this I have gained another 10 lbs. I am now only down 60 lbs from my original weight. I can see it coming back quickly.
I don't know what I want out of this post other than someone else that can relate to me and understanding words. I feel lost and depressed. I really thought this would work for me and its frustrating to know that it may have if I had done more or if I had managed to find another job quickly enough to rebound and continue my doctors visits.
I am now 4 years out from surgery and still morbidly obese.
Looking into research now I almost wish I had went with a DS. It appears to have a much higher success rate for those in the super morbidly obese category. I feel so hopeless
Sorry this was so long, I just needed to vent I guess...
I'll start from the beginning. I opted for a surgeon in Chicago as it was close enough to home and was at a state of the art facility. I felt comfortable with the process. The doctor was short and sweet but did what she needed to do. I healed up no problem and had very little pain. I started dropping weight pretty steady. Fast forward 2 months. I lost my job. With the job loss I also lost my insurance and money for gas to make the 4 1/2 hour drive from my home to Chicago. When I called the doctor they were not very willing to work with me over the phone. The nut wouldn't consult with me over the phone and insisted i come in person. Because of this, I had approximately a month of guidance and then was left to my own devices.
As anyone that has had surgery can tell you, that is never good. We were obese for a reason. I didn't know how to eat, how to exercise, etc etc. Anyway, over the next year I managed to get down 100 lbs. Not too bad, but I wanted to lose 200 to even be considered overweight. I started slipping into bad habits and got so frustrated because I didn't know what to do. In the St. louis area there are several weight loss clinics and more popping up everyday. I have contacted them and none of them will help me for liability reasons Im sure. I don't want to have to do a revision as I have 3 small children that depend on me and I don't want to risk my life on another surgery. I want to get back to basics but the problem is I was never really taught basics.
On top of everything else I know I am a food addict. I struggle with it. Carbs are my enemy. I have tried to deal with it by doing everything I can think of. I was consuming 2 - 3 energy drinks per day, then I switched to pills after my son was born (I know, stupid), then I started drinking. Nightly. I could polish off half of a 750ml of vodka without thinking twice.
I don't need a lecture. I know what I'm doing and have done is wrong so please don't judge me or be hurtful. I have issues. I know this. I am trying to deal with them but facing brick walls everywhere I turn. I have made a vow to myself that I will not drink anymore. I haven't taken any pills in almost a months. But because of this I have gained another 10 lbs. I am now only down 60 lbs from my original weight. I can see it coming back quickly.
I don't know what I want out of this post other than someone else that can relate to me and understanding words. I feel lost and depressed. I really thought this would work for me and its frustrating to know that it may have if I had done more or if I had managed to find another job quickly enough to rebound and continue my doctors visits.
I am now 4 years out from surgery and still morbidly obese.
Looking into research now I almost wish I had went with a DS. It appears to have a much higher success rate for those in the super morbidly obese category. I feel so hopeless
Sorry this was so long, I just needed to vent I guess...
I so feel your pain. It hard feeling like your trapped in a body that have no control over. I felt that way many times myself. But, You do have take some control over your actions and reaction. If you truly want help yourself find out what works for you. If you just somebody to listern and to your story and tell They understand how your feeling. I do.
But, I will not tell that it all right to slowly kill yourself. Because, That just what you told me your were doing. By drinking, eating and with the energy drinks. My brother did the same thing to himself. He was Super Obesite 500 pounds ,Had surgery, Lost weight, Then regained it, Don't let self hatred and Anger destory you. You need to learn to love yourself again. Don.t hate yourself for regaining the weight. It is pointless. Don't let Depression and life disappoints destory you. Stop Drinking get help, Find out what works for you. Being Food Addict is not easy and have work to over come it. Even if it is every day of your life. the same goes with the drinking. Everyday is a new day and a new beginning. Let go of your past mistakes. Forgive yourself. Nothing in life has come easy for me either.
My Brother drinking with his high blood pressure medication and pain pills. That is what finally killed my brother Micheal at 43 years old. He died weighing almost 600 pounds and was in constant pain. I felt sorry for him and It did nothing to him. But, In the end you have to help yourself. You have to want to help yourself. You have to learn to love yourself. After my brother died. I thought how long before I die.
I was 33 year old and weighed 380 pounds and Had been since was a baby. I had tried every diet plan imagainable. My brother had tried every diet too. To say, I felt hopeless. Does not come close to what was feeling. I lived in a Black pit which was my soul. I stayed in constant depression and pain. Death to me would have been a relief. That is when I understood Why my brother killed himself. But, I made a choice. I did not want to die like my brother. I did not want to have to worry if the casket would have to special order to fit me. Or worry about how many people it took to pick up my body. I did not want to think about anybody I loved having to watch medical personal laugh at have to pick my body. The way.I watch the medical personal and Funeral home staff talk and complain about my brother size. Sometimes your don't even get respect in death. They laughed and were angery about have to pick up my brothers body. I carried so much shame as my brother carried his. But, , There comes a point when have let your past mistakes and shame go. You have to leave your past behind and being your future. I have never been a normal weight in my entire life. Nobody in my family was ever a normal that I can ever remember. I all I know is that have find something bigger than yourself to live for. I never married or even been on a date. Or had many friends. But, I have Nephew and Nieces and They give something to live for. A reason to smile a reason to wait up in the morning. You to find away to drag yourself out of the dark pit you are in. If you need medication for depression get it. Find a way. Find the one specialthing in your life. That is worth living for. Don't just exist. If your need a friend add me.
But, I will not tell that it all right to slowly kill yourself. Because, That just what you told me your were doing. By drinking, eating and with the energy drinks. My brother did the same thing to himself. He was Super Obesite 500 pounds ,Had surgery, Lost weight, Then regained it, Don't let self hatred and Anger destory you. You need to learn to love yourself again. Don.t hate yourself for regaining the weight. It is pointless. Don't let Depression and life disappoints destory you. Stop Drinking get help, Find out what works for you. Being Food Addict is not easy and have work to over come it. Even if it is every day of your life. the same goes with the drinking. Everyday is a new day and a new beginning. Let go of your past mistakes. Forgive yourself. Nothing in life has come easy for me either.
My Brother drinking with his high blood pressure medication and pain pills. That is what finally killed my brother Micheal at 43 years old. He died weighing almost 600 pounds and was in constant pain. I felt sorry for him and It did nothing to him. But, In the end you have to help yourself. You have to want to help yourself. You have to learn to love yourself. After my brother died. I thought how long before I die.
I was 33 year old and weighed 380 pounds and Had been since was a baby. I had tried every diet plan imagainable. My brother had tried every diet too. To say, I felt hopeless. Does not come close to what was feeling. I lived in a Black pit which was my soul. I stayed in constant depression and pain. Death to me would have been a relief. That is when I understood Why my brother killed himself. But, I made a choice. I did not want to die like my brother. I did not want to have to worry if the casket would have to special order to fit me. Or worry about how many people it took to pick up my body. I did not want to think about anybody I loved having to watch medical personal laugh at have to pick my body. The way.I watch the medical personal and Funeral home staff talk and complain about my brother size. Sometimes your don't even get respect in death. They laughed and were angery about have to pick up my brothers body. I carried so much shame as my brother carried his. But, , There comes a point when have let your past mistakes and shame go. You have to leave your past behind and being your future. I have never been a normal weight in my entire life. Nobody in my family was ever a normal that I can ever remember. I all I know is that have find something bigger than yourself to live for. I never married or even been on a date. Or had many friends. But, I have Nephew and Nieces and They give something to live for. A reason to smile a reason to wait up in the morning. You to find away to drag yourself out of the dark pit you are in. If you need medication for depression get it. Find a way. Find the one specialthing in your life. That is worth living for. Don't just exist. If your need a friend add me.
wow...
I had been so nervous to come back and check on my post because I was scared of the responses I would ultimately get from those that want to do nothing but tell me what I'm doing wrong and just make me feel worse.
I can honestly say that opening this post and reading what you wrote really touched me. I realize now that I have a lot to live for. I am married, I have 3 beautiful children, and my husband loves me regardless of my size. I guess I take things for granted sometimes. I have quit drinking for the most part. I still have a drink here or there with my husband but it is no longer an everyday thing. I joined a gym yesterday, the first time since after surgery. I hope I can make myself go. I also am trying to cut back on my food intake. I am so hungry all the time, and I partially think that is because I am breastfeeding and my son is growing like a weed and constantly going through growth spurts in which he just wants to eat and eat.
I want to get back on track. I realize I have an addiction. Being addicted to food is seriously one of the hardest addictions out there...I mean, its EVERYWHERE in America.
I had been so nervous to come back and check on my post because I was scared of the responses I would ultimately get from those that want to do nothing but tell me what I'm doing wrong and just make me feel worse.
I can honestly say that opening this post and reading what you wrote really touched me. I realize now that I have a lot to live for. I am married, I have 3 beautiful children, and my husband loves me regardless of my size. I guess I take things for granted sometimes. I have quit drinking for the most part. I still have a drink here or there with my husband but it is no longer an everyday thing. I joined a gym yesterday, the first time since after surgery. I hope I can make myself go. I also am trying to cut back on my food intake. I am so hungry all the time, and I partially think that is because I am breastfeeding and my son is growing like a weed and constantly going through growth spurts in which he just wants to eat and eat.
I want to get back on track. I realize I have an addiction. Being addicted to food is seriously one of the hardest addictions out there...I mean, its EVERYWHERE in America.
It's unfortunate that you lost your job and did not get more aftercare. However I don't think that being left to your own devices is the big issue here and I really don't think getting a DS would have been any better. If you have questions about diet or what you should be eating or the amounts you can get that kind of advice on here.
The depression, pills and the drinking is what you really need to get help for. Is there any support group you could reach out to? I would tell your physician what's going on (everything) and ask him/her to refer you to a support group.
The depression, pills and the drinking is what you really need to get help for. Is there any support group you could reach out to? I would tell your physician what's going on (everything) and ask him/her to refer you to a support group.
Sending a big hug too you. It's so hard some days but just keep going especially for your children. Try just doing 1 thing nice for yourself. Maybe a 10min walk or an extra hot shower we are here for you anytime.
10/18/07 RNY ( hw 305 sw 290 lw 189ish) St Joe's 08/14/14 RNY reversal to sleeve. I survived 3 leaks,4 operations and a feeding tube.
(deactivated member)
on 4/30/12 3:34 am
on 4/30/12 3:34 am
i can relate to some of your story. the surgery is not the answer for any of us. should have listened to my mother ):
the bottom line is the intake and our livestyle.
after having the gastric by pass done in 1986, being 100 lbs. overweight, i managed to lose 60 and then the battle began, up and down. currently, i am almost back to 100 lbs. overweight and a re-juggled insides that cause a lot of digestion problems. so, the answer is within, just have to find the balance.
the bottom line is the intake and our livestyle.
after having the gastric by pass done in 1986, being 100 lbs. overweight, i managed to lose 60 and then the battle began, up and down. currently, i am almost back to 100 lbs. overweight and a re-juggled insides that cause a lot of digestion problems. so, the answer is within, just have to find the balance.
Hi,
I have so much to say and a lot has been said. I think it would be a good idea to see someone who specializes in eating disorders. Work with them. There are some powerful tools out there that will help you overcome these mental obstacles. It would be wonderful if weight loss surgery cured the mind as well. But as we all know it doesn't. Some times we need more support. Please get some help. Huuugzzzzz
I have so much to say and a lot has been said. I think it would be a good idea to see someone who specializes in eating disorders. Work with them. There are some powerful tools out there that will help you overcome these mental obstacles. It would be wonderful if weight loss surgery cured the mind as well. But as we all know it doesn't. Some times we need more support. Please get some help. Huuugzzzzz
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