Unbiased opinion plz...wife/I arguing upcoming RNY

My wife is scheduled for RNY within 2 wks, which I am absolutely against, thus far. I have known her for around 9 yrs. She was around 150 when we met. She had 2 of our children.  She never lost weight after babies, only gained. Here's the deal....not ONCE has she ever been involved with some type of  exercise regime, to lose the weight. She has been one to try to find an easy way around, having to lose weight. (and I'm not saying having this surgery is easy) This easy-way-around attitude is not limited to her weight issue, so there is a pattern with other things.
What I am saying, is that she has not exhausted her option, as far as exercising. So now, she is undergoing the knife, and in my eyes, risking her life, therefore putting me and my kids, at an unnecessary risk, of holding the bag (that is, if something were to happen to her). And duh, no kidding, she's risking her life by getting heavier and not doing something about (as in surgery) but this is not my point with my message here.

She is not heavy enough, to not be able to exercise. She is around 5'2", and possibly weighs 250 or so. I imagine she told the dietitian that she had to meet with (for insurance reasons) that she had tried everything, including exercising, which is NOT true.

Lastly, she has always eaten like a bird. She's not the type to stuff her face. Also, her grandmother was extremely overweight, so I feel she inherited some of this.

So my question to anyone here, would you have diligently tried to exercise the weight off, or would you just say "screw it, let's do the surgery"?
 

please be supportive of your wife's decision.

while it may not be "impossible" to exercise to lose weight when you are morbidly obese, it is extremely difficult.  even after losing over 100 lbs i am terrified going to the gym.  i go because i MUST but i am ALWAYS self-conscious about how i look fat exercising.  and exercise alone will likely NOT lead to weight loss if you're still consuming more calories than you burn  while you claim your wife eats like a bird, there is NO way-- to maintain a 250 lb body you need to consume at LEAST 3000 calories per day-- that would be if she is sitting around doing NOTHING at all.  people with larger bodies have faster metabolisms-- it takes more energy just to support a 250 lb body.  i'm guessing she is MORE than 250.  trust me, my boyfriend didn't realize how fat i was.  nobody did.  he was completely against me having surgery.  i will say now he is singing a different tune.

i know you are concerned and i know you are worried but this is your wife's decision.  you're probably not going to find a person on this site who is going to help you find a way to convince your wife not to have the surgery. 

Thx for the reply. I double ck'd with her, although she will not give me exact weight, but it is under 300 as she did just tell me this, and calory intake is roughly 2000/day.

I guess she'll do what it is she needs to. I do wish she was undergoing the knife with life insurance, but that's is not my issue.  There again, if something happens, it becomes my problem. Take care

I usually don't post much on the site but I had to respond after reading both of your post.
I hope that I am reading your post wrong and you are really concerned about your wife and just not worried about yourself if something happens to her.
In both of your post you implied that it would be an inconvience for you if something happened to her. In the last post you even mentioned her not having life insurance.
Most obese people have tried multiple types of diet she may not have not told you because she was afraid of failure.
 When you are researching WLS and diets because of your concern for your wife you will notice that diets do not work for most MO people. If diets worked then there would not be such a market for all of the weight loss products on the market that do not  work but people are willing to try anything and everything.
As you stated surgery is not an easy way out and she will need support if she decides to have any type of WLS.

No, you are not reading it wrong, and you can think of me as being selfish. She told me, as of yesterday, that she didn't faithfully try as hard as she should have, to stick to exercising.  Hmm, so think what you want. As I type, she's preparing to go under the knife with her mother (nurse) by her side, as I have our kids to watch at home. So this thread I started is now water under the bridge and I am though here.  I just wanted to get opinions, which I got.  Uh, but now that I told you what she had said about her not faithfully exercising, wouldn't that now change either of your minds?
No need to reply.  Like I said, it's water under the bridge and I'm through here.

 Good Luck to both of you. I hope everything works out for both of you

First of all, I understand how frightened you must be.  It is always scary when a loved one is going to have surgery especially one like weight loss surgery that does come with some risk. 

Secondly,  you are right to have questions and as her husband you should question things to make sure this is right for her.  It isn't for everyone.  Weight loss surgery is nothing to just jump into for sure as the surgery is on your stomach and not your brain.  I will be six years out in January 2010.  I have been able to lose all of my weight and keep it off but not just with the surgery alone.  People don't get up to almost 300 pounds because they have a normal relationship with food.  I know I was an obsessive compulsive eater, and my addiction was food.  So, in addition to surgery I also got therapy so that I could overcome my eating disorder.  I also exercise.  Not extreme exercise but walking and other moderate stuff. 

I know my husband had lots of questions and such when I was preparing for surgery.  It helped him to attend a seminar where everything was explained from the surgery itself to the need for it once a certain amount overweight.  He came away with a much better understanding of why I needed the surgery and why I made the decision that I did.  And here we are six years later and things are wonderful.

Good luck to both you and your wife.

best of luck to you and your wife. My daugher has the surgery 4 m onths ago and looks great with 70 lbs off, but had many complications. I hope your wife does much better and feels good fffast. I can certainly understand your fear. Her complications are not resolved yet and I just hope and pray that they do finally get resolved so she can have a normal life.

Her success will be greater if you support her and not fight her.  You don't have to agree with her choice, but your support will mean the world to her.

well I see your post was written 3 years ago, so chances are you're no longer around.   But I'll give it a shot.   I have a similiar story, my BF had decided to have the surgery, on a self pay, using funds that were going towards our retirement.  I have been with him 9 yrs and live with him now 3.5 years.  he also doesn't exercise, and starts a diet only to quit in a month or so.  I've seen him steadily lose on a diet, but if it's only a pound or two a week he feels he's depriving himself for only that?

let me know if you're still around, I've very curious as to how things worked out.   Tia