Not just a swing...

 

I think it's been about seventeen years now since I was able to fit into a swing.  Truth is, I never bothered trying for at least fifteen years.  When you weigh over 300 pounds, there's really no need to try.  It's simply not going to work.  Over the years I have looked at swings and been disappointed knowing that the days of the wind blowing through my hair as I pumped my legs higher and higher were over. 

I no longer weigh over 300 pounds. I am almost "normal" now or what society considers normal. Seat belts on airplanes are no longer a problem. I don't have to worry about whether or not I will fit in a booth at a restaurant. I am even able to ride any roller coaster I want without fear of being embarrassed that I am too big to fit. 

Yesterday as I was walking, I noticed an empty swing. I looked at it closely as I walked by, thinking "well, maybe". I just kept walking. As I got further away, I asked myself – what would it hurt to try? But trying could mean failure and I don't just mean not being able to fit in that swing. Not fitting in the swing would only confirm what I've thought about myself for years. Failure as a mom because I was too big to play with my children. Failure as I wife because I've felt that my husband is embarrassed to be seen with me. Failure as a daughter because there was the probability that I would die before them because of my obesity. Failing myself. Putting myself last and never finding the time I deserve. 

I found that time yesterday. I turned back around and went back to that swing. Without a moments hesitation sat down and started to pump my legs. The swing was meant for a child, so my toes dragged some, but that didn't matter a bit. The wind still blew through my hair and I closed my eyes and cried quietly. If only for that moment in time, I am young again and everything this world has to offer is still ahead of me. 

I am a participant in my life. I race my children home after days playing outside. I stand taller and more proud next to my handsome husband who seems to hold my hand a little tighter these days. I take flowers to my parents and call just to let them know I am here for them. Most importantly, I take time for me. I read more often. I take bubble baths. I let others know when I need help and I let them do it. 

You see it's not just a swing. It's my life - filled with the highs and lows and everything in between. Now that I have felt the wind in my hair again, I can never go back. I must continue going forward to greet my new life with my arms open wide and be as kind and gentle to myself as I would with others. There will be other opportunities and challenges in my life. I hope that I'll take chances to go above and beyond what I expect of myself. I can hardly wait to see where my next swing may be hiding!

April 21, 2009

GREAT post!  You made me cry

I am a scrapbooker and plan on making a page with this photo and journaling.
Missy

Great post!  thank you for sharing you thoughts and feelings with us.  I am really happy for you:)
Take care and God Bless

awww I love this- thank you for sharing- what a great post!

  Thanks for the good cry this morning.....I need one every now and then.  You are such an inspiration!

Thank you.  That really means a lot to me!

Missy

Yikes- I'm not supposed to cry at work lol. Great post! I'm very proud of you! you are a BIG INSPIRATION!

Now that's the Kaniky I know and love!
Thank you for the inspiration!  I'm going to find a swing this weekend!
Here's to you K!
Lisa O.

That is beautiful!!
Jean B.