Where to begin...

Well, a lot of new faces here, not sure who will recognize me.

I was banded in June of 2007. A new lease on life, I was ready. I was ready to work and do what I had to do to make this work. I thought of it as my last resort, since I've tried everything in the book pretty much.

Started at 357 pounds. Had some issues with restriction here and there, had to have quite a few adjustments, but kept on going and eventually lost 100 pounds in about 14 months. I was so excited. I know in the back of my mind I doubted it would work, but it did! Now to keep going to onderland.

Well, that never happened. From that point forward, I started gaining it all back. I have no gained almost all of it back. I'm sitting around 320 pounds. I have had fills since then and he has it as tight as it can go, yet still not much restriction most of the time. I am stuck in an obssession of eating everything I'm not supposed to. My regular doctor has put me on a medication that is supposed to supress my hunger, and it does, but I eat anyway.

To top it all off, I'm dealing with depression and have pushed most everyone away. So I don't have much to do on the weekends, and eating seems to take over. During the week at work there is some control, but weekends are awful.

My doctor has no advice for me, other than the obvious. Stop eating that stuff and get back on track. I try, every week I try, and I fail. He is at a loss at this point. I simply don't know what to do. Maybe I will never lose this weight. Maybe I will never succeed.

I know it's not the band that has failed, it is me who has failed the band. No matter how much I want this, I can't seem to get the power within myself to overcome this urges that take over my life. I just feel completely lost.

I know no one may have much in the way of help, but I needed to talk it out. Maybe it will help. Maybe it will put it into my conscious mind better. I do not know what to do anymore. I've done counseling, even a pyschiatrist without any success there either.

I could tell anyone, exactly what they should do to be successful, yet I can't implement it anymore? I wish I could figure out what gives.

Hi there!
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this stuff.  Can I suggest that you get some anti-depressants to help you get through this?  I use Lexapro and it doesn't cause hunger like many of those meds do.  Can I also suggest that you see if there's an Overeaters Anonymous near you or a psychologist that works on overeating?  It really sounds like you need some help on the mental aspect of this.

You CAN lose this weight, it's just needing to make yourself get back on track.  Yes easier said than done!  Now how is your restriction?  You said he has it as tight as it can go.  What cc's in a what size band?  Are you possibly too tight and you are eating slider foods?  Can you eat 1/2C to 1C of dense protein food and be full for 4-5 hours?  If not start off with an appt for a fill.  Next, toss out all those foods that are tempting you..YES THROW THEM OUT.  If they're not there to eat, you can't stick em in your mouth! Try keeping a food journal (I use dailyplate.com) since it seems to deter me when I think of having to write down that I ate that bowl of fritos!

You made the first step. You came back here!  We're glad you're back & we're on your side!
Hugs
Lisa

Hey Girl!

Long time no see. We were banded within days of each other. I don't know if you remember me or not. I remember your old Avie:).

I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I kinda get what you are going through.

I have lost 67 lbs. and have not lost any weight in months. I think I need a small tweak but what I really need is to get back to the rules and stop eating the bad stuff.

The thing is you still have to eat right and to me that means "Diet" after all of the diets I had been on and all of the hoops they made me jump through to get the surgery I just can't get my mind around the word. But I have to come to terms or I will never get this weight off.

The whole thing is hard, with surgery or without surgery it takes work and until we are ready to do the work we will just stay where we are.

I have not gained any weight back. I know this band works but just like you said we need to work our bands.

I have an appointment on January and I will most likely get a fill then and kick it in gear for the new year.

Now, lets start thinking positive and when something negative tries to creep in we need to pu**** out right away and start doing something else.

Are you on the band grads board? You should post over there too as they will understand a bit more.

Best wishes,

Lyndee

Thanks guys for responding

I am on an anti-depressant. Always trying different kinds to help, some do better than others and sometimes they help and others they don't. But overall, without them I'd be much worse than this, they do help some.

I need to start being positive. Start setting myself straight. Stop saying I can't. This is just so hard for me.

When I say it's as tight as it can go, that is because all my fills are through fluro. The last two have ended in the same result. When I eat solid foods, there is definately a point in which I must stop eating or pay the price. So it isn't that, it's that I'm eating the foods that go right through it.

I am on the grads board, I just find it isn't used very much so I thought I would post here. Everyone on the grads board seems to be pretty successful, and well, I'm not. I have posted there in the past with not much success.

Thank you for the kind words guys. One step and day at a time. I have got to find a way to want this for myself more than I already think I do so that I don't keep falling back so far.

thank you

How about a Bariatric Psychologist?

Has anyone suggested talking to someone, a weight loss counselor, a therapist etc?  Maybe if you had someone you could talk through your emotional stuff with you could find out why your doing this to yourself.  I feel so bad for you and am sending you a big (((HUG))).  Please don't give up.  It's ok to have some low times, everyone does.  You can do it and I wish I could find the words to make you believe it and want it.  YOU CAN DO IT.  Hang in there and try to go talk to someone.  Plus, you have all us.  :)

Boo

I totally understand what u are going through. I am going through the same struggles. I was  banded on 9-15-08. Little over a year out and have only lost 38lbs. 30 of that I lost in the first 3 to 4 months after the surgery. Last spring I had managed to get down to 219 for a total of 45lbs lost but that only lasted for a week or so then the scale started moving back up. I now fluctuate between 223 & 229 depending on if I'm watching what I eat or not. I have been losing and gaining the same 10 lbs for well over 6 months now. I feel like such a failure!!! I dont even wanna go to the doc to get a fill. Last time I was there he told me maybe I needed to go back to the psychiatrist for my head hunger. Well that sounds like a great idea. Unfortunately I cant afford one and my insurance wont cover it. I know what I'm doing wrong but I just cant seem to fix it. I dont even like to post here for fear of being judged. I know I prob need another fill but I tend to get stuck a lot ,but other times food just slides right through even dense protein. I really have no great advice for you, but I do want to say thank you for having the courage to get on here and tell your story.  It really helps to hear I'm not the only one out there having a hard time. Good luck to you!!!! I really hope the both of us find the will and determination to succeed.

I'm so glad you posted this.  I was banded in March and have exceeded the fill limits of my band.  I have 11.8 cc's in a 11 cc band.  I discovered eating all the wrong things and have found that I get stuck on the good stuff and push right past the bad.  You are a "limit tester" like me.  We like to be oppositional, almost as if to say, "you gotta do better than that to beat this monster".  We are our own worst enemy.  I got a fill yesterday and have an appointment with a therapist next week.  I definently know where you are with the depression because I am starting down that road.  It is very painful to realize that you have successfully, yet again led to your own failure.  There is a sense of painful joy in being the best at being the worst.  But it is also a very lonely place to be.  You have to decide (as I am trying to do) that the best way to be oppositional is with yourself.  You have to have the same determination to beat yourself at your own game that you do with everything else.  You've probably proven a million times in your life that you are strong and amazing, but in yourself (if you are anything like me) you don't believe you are as great as maybe others may believe.  So you prove yourself right.  It's about realizing that you are as good as you are.  That's it.  You are as good as you give yourself permission to be.  So let it happen and watch out!  The problem with this struggle with food and weight loss is that we think the challenge is in losing the weight.  The challenge is actually in having lost the weight.  You lost it, but you found out that even after losing the weight, you were still not happy and still unsatisfied.  It's realizing that loosing weight can't make you any happier than the food does.  It only comes from within.  It's again about accepting that this is as good as it gets.  And that completely depends on what we are willing to do FOR OURSELVES.  You are so not alone.  I am right there with you fighting the same battle.  I have been looking for this post forever.  I never could find anyone else who would admit to the same struggle.  I love that you were the one to do it, to put it out there.  I so appreciate your bravery and your honesty.  You made me be honest with myself.  Thanks so much for that.  It's a step.  A really big one!

Be as strong as you are!!!
Dawn

Hello,
Please don't give up.  Remember yesterday is gone so there is nothing that can be done.  But you can effect your tommorrows.  I know it sounds cliche but very true.  I have had to try to learn to accept this fact.

Also, I don't know much about true clinical depression, but I do know that when I feel down helping others or pets makes me feel better.   I volunteer at my local shelter and hospital.  I also notice that when I stop thinkng about myself and my failures I feel better.  Keeing busy also takes care of my munchies problem.

I wish you the best of luck!  Please hang in there